Can’t stop this affair

[HallieConstancex]

I have been seeing a man for over a year and a half. He has a family (partner & 2 children). I’m not here for sympathy, I know I need to let go.

his reasons for not leaving are his oldest daughter has a severe disability so his partner has given up work and he provides everything for them, so can’t just leave.

he knows me better than anyone, yet I know I deserve to be taken out, showed off etc, instead of someone’s secret.

I can’t do no contact, I have to see him every month at work. It’s not a situation where either of us can leave but I won’t get into it as it’s outing. How am I ever supposed to move on when he has to be in my life for atleast another year?

Did you finally reply to me! Oh good. Are you going to answer my perfectly reasonable and polite question I asked earlier?

She’s had an epiphany- in the space of an hour she’s stopped shagging this cheating tosser, blocked him and I suspect she’s now joined a convent

Sing hallelujah- praise the Lord 🙏

Also sorry Op but - I'm actually very very NON judgemental about affairs - as in, I think all humans make weak decisions and people fall in love and can't help it.

But your language is sort of horrible - 'show you off' - are you serious? You have specifically chosen to continue a decietful relationship with a man who is pretending to be a committed father and husband. You don't in this situation 'deserve' to come first actually.

If you want a man who puts you first - tell this man that you are going to move on with your life but when he is free and if he is free he can come and find you.

Yes - you do deserve to have a partner who puts you first - but you don't deserve for THIS man to put you first right now.

This. There have been women before you, and there will be women after you.

Please don't feel you should be "shown off". You're not an animal. Even the author Dick Francis (as in certainly nor modern/the first person you might consider a feminist) said he hated it when men showed their partners off as if they were possessions.

No one truly knows what any one is like until you have lived with them . Find someone who is free to be with you . If he does leave his wife and child for you , you will be both be upon as a pair of heartless shits .

yet I know I deserve to be taken out, showed off etc, instead of someone’s secret.

Jesus. It’s all about you isn’t it. Absolutely no thoughts or considerations to the poor wife.

This man won’t take you out or show you off. He’s had over a year to do that. He just enjoys the thrill of it all and the sex. That’s it. He has no intentions of being in a relationship with you.

Please find your self respect, raise your bar and walk away from this mess.

It belittles the pain these women have suffered to preach at them about their language when they respond emotively to a transitive situation they identify with. No one except you cares about swearing - this is MN after all. You sound callous and hard hearted.

You are selfish and absolutely delusional.

”I know I deserve to be taken out and shown off”

unbelievable.

How anyone who can find a person who is being this dishonest, in the least bit attractive is completely beyond me. Why would you want to be with a liar?
I feel so bad for his wife. She sounds like she already has so much on her plate 😞
Just get over it.

Yes his wife is too busy caring for their children to focus on him so you’re just the ego boost. If it weren’t for the disabled daughter she might be able to give him more attention and again he wouldn’t leave. My boss did this. Vile pathetic attention seeking little man.

Ugh my friend is doing a similar thing and honestly I feel like she's losing everything because of it. We're near 40 and she really wants kids and basically will never have them because she's holding out for something that will never happen.

She's lost a job, she's lost friends because of it. She's actually a lovely person and was going through a difficult time in her life when she met him. Every few months she tries to leave and he worms his way back in with new promises he never keeps. There's always another reason why he hasn't left.

She deserves much better. So does his poor wife and kids. I never want to meet him but I'm fairly sure I never will as she's stuck being a dirty secret. End it for your own good.

Honestly, hes staying because hes happier as he is. He might know you better than anyone but you dont know him at all its not just his wife he lies to.

Id speak to your boss, if you only speak to him once a month surely someone else can do that task? Or is it that you like the excuse to see him?

Get another job if you have to

Yes they are projecting indeed but they need to remember that op wasn’t the one their husbands were having sex with. My calling out vulgar language should have no bearing on what they’ve went through. It’s vulgar and classless and has no place on a public forum. I may appear callous and hard hearted but I’m not the one calling a stranger a c**t and I can live with that.

He is using you. He thinks nothing of you and you are no more than a hole between two legs. Find your worth and walk away from him, You deserve more, his wife deserves more and his children deserve more: Don’t be that woman. Walk away, block and move on. Be better

Let's rephrase, WON'T stop, not CAN'T stop. Absolutely zero respect for people like you.

That poor woman is living what must be a very difficult life, and the person who is meant to be her team mate in that is shagging someone else behind her back. Gross.

Let this sink in OP.....

Yeah, it comes down to a sense of entitlement.

You're criticising someone else yet say that criticism can only be done by a perfect person? You are either claiming you're perfect or you don't actually believe your own claim.

Oh come on, you know he’s stringing you along. And explicit says he want leave you
Stop this nonsense. You don’t need to be the OW. He’s excusing his dreadful behaviour by using the chronic health condition of his child

He is a disgusting example of a father and a man. You are awful for facilitating his abuse of his wife. I’m sorry, but it’s the truth.

OP has said she can’t leave her job in her first post.

You shouldn’t have had to come onto a forum to be told that what you were doing to another woman who is at home caring for a disabled child was and is abhorrent. I don’t get how women find these men attractive.

You have a very high opinion of yourself don’t you op? You deserve to be showed off? 🤢