Dh says i’m an abusive narcissist, am I? 😔

[Soconfusedaboutitall]

He said this during an argument last week

Dh has a bad temper and I find it so hard to communicate with him these days even if I try to talk gently, he gets really defensive and I don’t want to argue in front of our young dc, so I often send text messages to him. This is generally just practical things about money and bills etc but can be about the way he is with dd (too cross with her in my opinion and I hate it)
He says that he sending all these messages to him i’m an abusive narcissist? Am I? I really want to know as feel confused as to if I am?
He said my messages trigger him and he feels 100% better when I don’t send them. I told him that I send them as literally cannot communicate with him at all and am not going to stand there and do nothing if I disagree with the way he ‘Disciplines’ Dd
He also gets annoyed as I try to section up the money and put some away, otherwise it just all gets spent and I don’t have enough for good, decent food. He said it’s being controlling, is it? If I didn’t do this and try to take charge somehow, we’d be screwed. I don’t want to be the one organising all the finances but he can’t and just spends without a thought.

I want to know if I am what he says I am. I’m willing for us to go to a counsellor to see what they say as I don’t believe I have narcissistic traits at all 🤷🏻‍♀️

Why obviously the former?

I did, thank you. I left home very young, I went nc for a few years, got pulled back in when dad became ill (his behaviour spiralled into dementia-related mania and psychosis which made him even more controlling and abusive), but he died earlier this year. I don't miss him.

It sounds like there are several problems one of which is a breakdown in communication between you and your dh.
You also appear to have different parenting styles which need to be reflected on.
Perhaps there are other factors too if he is always snappy - problems at work or just unhappy with his family life - hard to say.
You also sound like you might be opposites which is great until a child comes along and then the conflict starts.
Maybe get some therapy on your own to talk things out in more detail and take it from there. I wouldn't dwell too much on the insult he threw at you (everyone is narcissistic these days - we live in an age of extreme individuality) as this was probably said in anger to hurt you and he succeeded.