To ask for pithy but classy comeback for SIL?

[YoYoYoYoSigh]

I've always struggled with my weight. I'm currently 8.5 stone down, up from 11 stone down 12 months ago 😬.

My not-darling-SIL is obsessed with weight and body image small talk.

I hardly see her, but there's a family event soon and I know one of the first things she'll mention is some sort of snide comment on how well I look. To clarify, she's not the type to give a compliment, only a back handed compliment. She'll often do that disengenous shit where she disparages herself (god, I'm just feeling such a heifer atm) when she knows that my comparative are much worse. It's all done to make me feel shit. And it hurts but I'm trying to change my mindset to she her as tedious.

So she'll definitely mention my/her weight when we meet to draw attention to my struggles and to unsettle me.

I want to go high and stay classy, but I also want her to subtly know that I know her game.

Is there any approach I can take that won't be inappropriate in a celebration setting.

I'm stronger now thanks menopause (ex people pleaser/ feelings smotherer) but I'm still letting her niggles have power over me. 🥲

If she asks how you’ve lost the weight say “prepare to be astonished. I ate less food”

Lot of people are misunderstanding the first post - OP is worried that the SIL will comment on her 2.5 stone weight gain, not on a weight loss.

Ask her to repeat herself . What did you say ? She repeats. Why would you say that? People find it very disconcerting..

Just change the subject, by refusing to engage you will piss her off. Everytime she mentions weight change the subject.

letting words hang in the air is the best response.

This, but if you want to add anything tilt your head slightly sand "Isn't it time for your tablets/injection"

“They say at a certain age it’s time to choose between your face and your body ahahahaha.”

Her: You’re looking well.
You: Ha, yes. I wonder if that’s what people will write on my grave: she looked well. Probably not.

Get in there first 'Oh SIL you're looking really tired, I completely understand because I haven't been sleeping well myself'.

My instinct with people like this is to say out loud and cheerfully whatever it is that they are saying in an underhand manner:

"Yes you're right! I am fat, and your weight is just right!" "Yes, your kids are much better behaved than mine, and they do so well in school too!" "You are always saying your house is messy, but you know that you are actually really clean and tidy and I am pretty filthy!"

If you are direct and good humoured about this, it wrong foots them.

My SIL is exactly the same, she's very slim and I'm a lot bigger but she rattles on and on about her 'huge saggy arse' etc etc whilst staring at me waiting for me to tell her how slim she is and how big I am. Instead I say stuff like 'yeah I see what you mean', it shuts her right up and she can't really argue with me if I'm agreeing with her.

Killing with kindness works well for me in this type of scenario.
‘You think I’ve lost weight? Oh wow, thank you, I’ve been trying, but it’s so kind of you to notice - I’m just feeling so much healthier and happier!’
Make her think she’s made you feel proud and happy - especially if she actually wants the opposite effect.

'Kerrrching, Susie! I bet (DH's name) £100 that the first thing you'd mention when you saw me was my weight. Thank you for being so tediously predictable.' Big smile, tinkly laugh and move swiftly on.

Say something like 'Not this again. Can we talk about something else.

My mother does this to me. It annoys the crap out of me, but she is a good person who loves me and wants me to feel good about myself - despite her nonsense. Are you sure its coming from a bad place?? With my mother its her own insecurities around weight - borderline obsession - and complete ineptness.

She is very skinny now, unhealthily so - I am a curvy hourglass, BMI 22. So im fine - far from perfect - but pretty happy. She constantly weighs herself, eats like a sparrow and talks about others weight gain all the time. I always try and change the subject. But she says something a lot that boils my piss. She often says, 'Oh magictits, what I have always loved about you - like your cousin charlotte (who is overweight), you don't care about your weight, its so refreshing'. I like to think this is ineptness, but i just don't know. Its so rude. Anyway, I used to shrug it off and change the subject, now I say, 'well why would I, im a perfectly healthy weight'. Ive said it firmly for about a year now, and every time she says, 'oh god you are soooo sensitive'. (grrr).

Anyway, can you do what I do and look behind her behaviour (is she genuinely trying to hurt you or is she just inept?) and just respond to literally everything she says weight related with ,'yes Im really happy with my weight'. Firm and calm. Then change the subject.

People are dicks about weight for a multitude of reasons. Don't let it ruin your family time OP.

Miaow - have a saucer of milk, SIL.

Not original or classy, sorry!

“So… what do you think about the situation with NATO expansion?”

‘What happened in your childhood to make you so critical of others? There’s a lot to unpack, would you like me recommend a therapist, I know someone brilliant who could definitely help you’ = you are a headcase.

Pat her hand and say “bless you” with a confused expression then walk away.

Or “sorry, did you say something? I wasn’t listening” big smile, walk away.

Tilted head: Oh dear SIL, do you still have those self esteem issues? DH and I do worry about you. Have you thought of talking to a good therapist about this?

Straight bat, don’t get into passive aggrsssive tit for tat.

She compliments you: smile politely and just say thank you. And change subject
She does a self deprecating thing “you look fine” change subject.

She starts on about her latest ground walnut detox diet or how much she does or doesn’t weigh “oh, ok, I don’t really think about anyone’s diets / weight anymore ..” change subject

She presses and makes snarky comment or tries to engage “ I’m the wrong audience for this subject “ change subject

if she still presses: “I’m doing well with my own approach and have stopped focussing on weight and anyone’s opinions. mine, yours, St Francis of Assisi and ChatGp included “ change subject.

And get the ‘middle relative’ , your sibling of your DH to say “give it a rest, SIM”

“I’m sorry to hear that you’re so unhappy with how you look, please let me know if you would like any support.”

Take all her comments at face value OP and treat them as such. Pretend you cannot infer anything from what she says.

‘You’ve obviously given this more thought than me’.

I would do this too, it shows that you see through her comments and are loosing patience with her

That’s a very fab comeback, please use it!

Id be a real cow and ask if she has an earring disorder, probably massively appalling to say, but might finally shut her up.