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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask, politely, and seriously, if you are in your 50s, what do you look like naked?

330 replies

Dontfuckingsaycheese · 28/08/2025 21:12

Hi.
I’ll cut to the chase. I’m 55 and single (happily for the last 15 years or so).
This year, following a rather exciting reboot, I decided to try online dating and I have been having a lot of fun. Met a few nice men. No nasty ones 🙂 I have also fallen in love with my body again and have lost over 3 stone so now just over 9.5 stone.
I am amazed at how good this 55 year-old body looks, FROM SOME ANGLES AND IN SOME POSITIONS. I’ve been making a few videos and stills and I can look damn 🔥
However, I am alarmed how I look, mainly from the front, if I lean forward. Everything prunes, falls and elongates, and it’s scary!! I have met a man online who I am absolutely obsessed by. For a few reasons, it’s been a few months and we haven’t met yet. We’re due to meet up next month. He’s seen some pics and videos of me and loved them, but of course, I’ve been able to carefully curate them. I don’t want him to be disappointed in how bits of me look. I feel like I should warn him in some way. I know it shouldn’t matter, and he should like me as a person, but things have been tres flirty and I’m very keen to make it physical 😉 I feel like just explaining I’m aware there’s parts of me that are a bit time-ravaged. He’s a little older than me, so wondering if it’s the same for him… So he’ll understand I mean, and not run for the hills. I’m thinking of explaining this in terms of wanting to feel confident in bed, so it may be that, at times maybe I may wish to wear a top or something…
I’m wondering how others feel, any pearls of wisdom, advice, reassurance, amusing anecdotes to make me feel better… 🤔

OP posts:
Mistyglade · 29/08/2025 01:37

Petrolitis · 28/08/2025 21:19

How have you got to the age of 55 and yet are still so absolutely obsessed by the male gaze?

Christ the last thing I'm worrying about is how hot I look for the opposite sex. Most of them just want something with a pulse. Which generally mature women have worked out.

Maybe take some time off to work out why you only value yourself as a perky pair of tits?

Hmm Hmm
Unnecessarily unpleasant.

RogueFemale · 29/08/2025 01:41

@Dontfuckingsaycheese Don't 'warn' him or apologise in any way. It sounds like you're very attractive and if he likes the photos/videos, it's highly unlikely he won't like you IRL. If he's highly sexed, even less likely. Be confident and go for it.

(But I would echo other comments about not sending intimate photos of videos, even to someone you know well. Things can go very badly awry).

minerva7 · 29/08/2025 02:44

Justchilling07 · 29/08/2025 00:06

Granddaughter! Op is 55, not 65.How many women do you know, that has a teenage/adult granddaughter at 55!?

Edited
Show quote history

Me.

lotsofpatience · 29/08/2025 02:52

Jesus Christ OP, stop embarrassing yourself and raise your standards. You are behaving like a teenager.

Iocainepowder · 29/08/2025 03:00

Sorry I voted YABU for sending nude photos of yourself. It’s never a good idea to send them to anyone, let alone an internet stranger.

LBFseBrom · 29/08/2025 03:53

I looked pretty good in my fifties but towards the end of that decade started to be a bit worn. It didn't worry me, I'd had my day and could still scrub up well. However now I am very much past all that I have become rather fat and would like to lose some weight.

duckfordinner · 29/08/2025 04:41

Well done for living the life to the fullest! Don’t worry what he will think. He will be super happy to get access to your body. Older men’s bodies are usually ravaged too, plus, high likelihood of ED. However, he most likely to give you a proper foreplay.

Ruby1985 · 29/08/2025 04:52

SnowflakeSmasher86 · 28/08/2025 21:47

A) lower your expectations of this guy. One glance at the OLD threads and you’ll see that eligible attractive men on dating sites are very much the exception. You can’t judge chemistry online - he will also have been ‘curating’ himself.

B) for the love of god stop sending him photos and videos. You don’t know what he’s doing with them. Best case scenario he has them in his own personal wank bank, and will keep them even if you don’t meet or don’t hit it off in person. Worst case scenario, well you end up on p0rnhub.

C) you’re happy with your body. Don’t let his opinion of it colour that. Don’t preempt or warn him of your insecurities. It’s not only unattractive, it will give him ammunition to use against you should he wish to.

In the nicest way, you need to dial it back or you’re going to end up being taking advantage of. Set a date for coffee, treat it as a pre-date. Check that he is who he says he is, he isn’t flaky, 10 years older, has bad breath, no teeth etc. can string a sentence together in person, pays his way and offers to pay yours too, even if you feel more comfortable declining that offer (you should). Just take it one day at a time. There’s every chance he’ll sleep with you and then ghost you. Lots do. If he turns out to be decent and genuine I’ll eat my hat. But good luck to you.

I was looking for the comment that was going to call out sending pics/videos! I mean at your age OP, you should certainly know better!

Ruby1985 · 29/08/2025 04:57

Dontfuckingsaycheese · 29/08/2025 00:17

Ooh. Good point! I guess I am old enough to have a dating granddaughter, but my son is only in his 20s.
I’ve always said to him I’m useless with relationship advice, having had very little in terms of that. Single mum from the start. He’s actually grown into a lovely, kind, pretty levelheaded young man. Nothing like me, except for the kind bit 🙄
What I would say to this granddaughter though, I guess, is, do what you think is right, and what’s right for you. Don’t worry what other people think. If there’s something you want, go for it, and be true to yourself and safe about it.

Yes practise what you preach about being ‘safe about it’. As you are coming across as quite naive in general

kkloo · 29/08/2025 05:01

Dontfuckingsaycheese · 29/08/2025 00:59

Can I just say, when I said warn him about some bits, what I actually meant is acknowledge them to him, make it clear I am actually fully aware of them! He knows I like my body, and I’m pretty confident about it. I just didn’t want him to think, well she thinks she’s ’all that’ but she isn’t. How does she not know?? Because, of course I know!! I’m now not feeling confident about my body-confidence! Tying myself up in knots here guys!

A man who would look at your naked body and think 'she thinks she's all that but isn't, how does she not know'..is an asshole.
He doesn't become more or less of an asshole by being warned in advance. A man who thinks something like that without being warned would still be critical about your body even if he was pre-warned.

dragontears · 29/08/2025 05:10

I’m another one who shares the concerns about the vids and pics. Just too risky.

But, if he is genuinely interested, then chemistry is what matters, not specific body angles.

SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 29/08/2025 05:18

I bet you look amazing. Why are you so worried about what he will think? Do not ever flag up your areas of concern about your body to a man. I bet he doesn’t have any hang ups.

I’m curious as to why you’ve not met him yet? IME, texting and messaging and not meeting for weeks leads to a huge build up and then a huge anti climax when you finally do meet. Because nobody can live up to your expectations in your fantasy.

It’s important to meet asap. Stop giving so much over messages. Hold back.

Purpleknickers · 29/08/2025 05:24

I was around your age when I suddenly became single. Dating can be cruel, I admit I felt the same as you do about being seen in real life rather than just pictures ( and yes of course I had used the ‘best’ photos,
Anyway, I met a bloke after a little back and forth chatting and he actually said oh you look a little older than your pictures but never mind any hole is a goal 🤮
I put my drink down and walked out straight away.
I am now with a man that thinks I’m totally gorgeous and I’m into my 60’s now.
Best of luck to you and well done on the effort you have put into your appearance.

BunnyOnTheOnion · 29/08/2025 05:34

Confidence is very sexy (it carries far more importance than a flawless body). Don't tell him all your hang-ups and insecurities upfront, why highlight things you aren't confident about, flag up your 'flaws' or present yourself as insecure or not worthy of his attention? Go have fun!!

Thingyfanding · 29/08/2025 06:16

BoboTheBear · 28/08/2025 22:43

If he's in his 50s, then he'll be seeing you in soft focus anyway, unless he's having sex with his reading glasses on.

If he's having sex with his reading glasses on, then you have a whole other issue.

This! Remember this and stop worrying. You’ll look about 35 - especially if you meet in the evening.

Francestein · 29/08/2025 06:17

I’ve carried twins and lost a lot of weight. My belly looks like a giant scrotum

Mikart · 29/08/2025 06:25

"Most of them just want something with a pulse"
That's brightened my day Grin

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 29/08/2025 06:26

Im 51 and I look like a vogon.

I wish I was joking.

Gallivant · 29/08/2025 06:26

I've got a pannus, varicose veins, and a farmer's tan.

I am a goddess.

Another voice saying chill out, OP. You may.find him revolting in the flesh.

TammyJones · 29/08/2025 06:41

SnowflakeSmasher86 · 28/08/2025 21:47

A) lower your expectations of this guy. One glance at the OLD threads and you’ll see that eligible attractive men on dating sites are very much the exception. You can’t judge chemistry online - he will also have been ‘curating’ himself.

B) for the love of god stop sending him photos and videos. You don’t know what he’s doing with them. Best case scenario he has them in his own personal wank bank, and will keep them even if you don’t meet or don’t hit it off in person. Worst case scenario, well you end up on p0rnhub.

C) you’re happy with your body. Don’t let his opinion of it colour that. Don’t preempt or warn him of your insecurities. It’s not only unattractive, it will give him ammunition to use against you should he wish to.

In the nicest way, you need to dial it back or you’re going to end up being taking advantage of. Set a date for coffee, treat it as a pre-date. Check that he is who he says he is, he isn’t flaky, 10 years older, has bad breath, no teeth etc. can string a sentence together in person, pays his way and offers to pay yours too, even if you feel more comfortable declining that offer (you should). Just take it one day at a time. There’s every chance he’ll sleep with you and then ghost you. Lots do. If he turns out to be decent and genuine I’ll eat my hat. But good luck to you.

Agree.
And the fact that you’re obsessed with someone you’ve not met in person is a red flag.
You may never meet.
There seems to be a large number of men on old that just like a pen pal and never have any intention of meeting
Best ti meet early and not invest too much until you have.

Emptyandsad · 29/08/2025 06:41

I think that "prunes, falls and elongates" sounds pretty hot actually... really!

Every man crazy bout a bit of movement...

LeftieRightsHoarder · 29/08/2025 06:41

OP, you sound fabulous, and I hope you’ve found someone worthy of you. But please, please don’t invest too much in this man you’ve never met. We can all talk a good talk to someone we have no intention of meeting.

Also, please don’t blame yourself if you do meet, and sleep with him, and he then ghosts you. That is very common behaviour in OLD.

I’m hoping you aren’t identifiable in any photos or videos you’ve sent, as a lot of men will share these with others or post them online.

Now I wish you good luck, plenty of fun and above all safety.

Maltybiscuit · 29/08/2025 06:44

Have you seen pictures and videos of him ? Could be one of this guys who hasn't seen their cock since 1989 due to the wise of their gut!

Nestingbirds · 29/08/2025 06:44

Op I can’t help but feel you are severely compromised with the stuff you are sharing. Do you work? You could be blackmailed/humiliated. I can’t join in with the happy clapping on here at all.
The material could end up anywhere. I don’t think anyone should be sending pictures and videos. Why would you? You are not someone’s cheap thrill. A decent man would never expect such a thing.

Whilst I am with you celebrating the power and wonder of the older or younger female body, and embracing your sexuality. It does need to be safe. Psychologically and physically.

It all sounds a little teenage dirt bag to me, and as a woman of similar age I am just happy in my own skin and enjoy my own thoughts and freedom from the male gaze. A maturity sets in, self reliance, confidence, wisdom and advancement. I can’t imagine wanting to send strangers photos of my vulva to be frank, absolutely no chance.

Sundaysoon · 29/08/2025 06:57

Aquababe73 · 29/08/2025 01:23

Listen if he's a bit older than you then everything's heading south for him too so you'll both be in the same boat. Don't sweat it. Jump on top and ride the hell out of him. He'll love it regardless.

This! I’m 53 and like many women have exercised all my life, so look passable in clothes, although have had 3 kids so like most have loose skin and sagging, but I still get a lot of male attention, but rarely do I ever see a man in his 50s who looks after himself. I’m not looking for perfection, just somebody that takes care of himself health wise.