To ask, politely, and seriously, if you are in your 50s, what do you look like naked?

[Dontfuckingsaycheese]

Hi.
I’ll cut to the chase. I’m 55 and single (happily for the last 15 years or so).
This year, following a rather exciting reboot, I decided to try online dating and I have been having a lot of fun. Met a few nice men. No nasty ones 🙂 I have also fallen in love with my body again and have lost over 3 stone so now just over 9.5 stone.
I am amazed at how good this 55 year-old body looks, FROM SOME ANGLES AND IN SOME POSITIONS. I’ve been making a few videos and stills and I can look damn 🔥
However, I am alarmed how I look, mainly from the front, if I lean forward. Everything prunes, falls and elongates, and it’s scary!! I have met a man online who I am absolutely obsessed by. For a few reasons, it’s been a few months and we haven’t met yet. We’re due to meet up next month. He’s seen some pics and videos of me and loved them, but of course, I’ve been able to carefully curate them. I don’t want him to be disappointed in how bits of me look. I feel like I should warn him in some way. I know it shouldn’t matter, and he should like me as a person, but things have been tres flirty and I’m very keen to make it physical 😉 I feel like just explaining I’m aware there’s parts of me that are a bit time-ravaged. He’s a little older than me, so wondering if it’s the same for him… So he’ll understand I mean, and not run for the hills. I’m thinking of explaining this in terms of wanting to feel confident in bed, so it may be that, at times maybe I may wish to wear a top or something…
I’m wondering how others feel, any pearls of wisdom, advice, reassurance, amusing anecdotes to make me feel better… 🤔

You've really riled up mumsnet's bitter single audience, OP

It’s not being mean,honest I would say.after all this woman does sound like a obsessive teenager,who is putting it around

I go on the assumption that they've had a wife or other partner who was unlikely to have been perfect, likely seen postpartum body etc, and have realistic expectations, also that you would only want to be with a sensual type who can really appreciate you as a woman, and in my experience those types are less hung up on precise body images. I would just carry on being healthy, happy and exercising and be confident. If he is older unless he is obsessed with fitness and even then, bits will be slightly droopy, he's probably worried as well. In my experience also, the fact that you want sex actively will be 99% of the battle from his perspective, likely that would be more of a worry for him. Go for it and ignore any mean comments!

I am alarmed how I look, mainly from the front, if I lean forward. Everything prunes, falls and elongate

@Dontfuckingsaycheese I totally understand. All the posters who feel happy in their skin and think it’s no big deal- good for you, but not all of us are able to feel that way.

My late DH absolutely loved me to death, no matter what size I was, always told me I was beautiful, gorgeous etc BUT I lost weight at 50 and it left me with a saggy, wrinkly bag of a stomach. I once leant over and kissed him as I was stood getting dressed and he was lying in bed, he actually said ‘eugh’ as he saw my belly.

He immediately apologised, but I was devastated. I just can’t forget it.

If someone who loved me so completely, who had been with me 30 years, through pregnancy & childbirth, felt like that about my body how can I expect another man to find me attractive?

At 54, although now at the stage after bereavement I feel able to contemplate letting someone into my life again, I just don’t think I can put myself out there to risk a man feeling disgust for my body like that. I look fabulous in my size 10 clothes but, when they come off, I’m like a deflated old party balloon.

I'm 51 and the bod is not too bad but I would only be going on top in the dimmest of lights or with my top on. I'd try avoid walking around too much naked in bright light, obviously. Lighting seems to be the theme!

All these people who say their partners think they are gorgeous, stunning, beautiful, etc. that's very sweet. But probably one of the many delusions we tell ourselves. I look at my 55 year old FWB and definitely don't that, but I do love havkng sex with him, love the feel of his skin, love specifuc parts of his body. And that's ok! The point I'm making is that none of us are physically perfect at any age and yet most people fancy and are fancied and just get on with the very fun business of kissing, sex, etc. But good lighting never did any harm 😁

This is really sad and sounds exactly like a lot of conversations I have with my thirteen year old DD. She is concerned that boys won't like her because her arms are too thin, or her legs are too short and she has some scars. I'm always telling her that she is beautiful (she's actually gorgeous if she could only see it) and that, with the benefit of hindsight, nobody gives a damn when it comes down to liking someone. I tell her that nobody's body is perfect because we're all just mammals wandering round the planet, so body hair and scars and stretch marks etc are all normal.

AND my thirteen year old absolutely knows that you don't send nude pictures to anyone, let alone strangers on the internet (I'm praying that sticks as she gets older!).

Please work on your self esteem before you get badly taken advantage of.

Exactly
What’s the odd he ducks out of the meet-up next month … very probable.

You sound very silly for a woman in her 50s - sorry to be patronising but honestly! You’re sending videos and photos to some bloke you’ve never met. For him to wank over

This

This is the first thing that came into my head. I think this is very unwise.and it seems a rather teenage way to behave.

As for me, I look horrific. 2 c section scars (don't hate them as they gave me my children safely), so many scars from keyhole surgeries, I have no breasts from a bilateral mastectomy and I just couldn't bear any more surgery at that point. I'm.not overweight but I ain't a pretty sight. Thankfully, DH sees me as more than how I look.

Speak for yourself. Not al bodies are wrecked by having kids!

I''ve recently come out of a long-term relationship and have lost over a stone, and feel really happy to have my old body back. I know where you are coming from OP with regards to not being afforded the privilege of aging alongside a partner and having to look good to attract someone. Sounds like you're doing fine to me.

I am older at 62 recently lost weight, new to OLD.
Had a few chats and meet ups, I prefer to meet quite quickly so that I can check them out.
last night met a man 7 years younger, pretty fit, and am going to see him again. He was complimentary, and says has no issues with me being older, he contacted me first.
I think everyone has body hang ups even young ones.When older and more experienced you can use that experience to enjoy the time together.
I am looking forward to seeing him again and will definitely enjoy whatever the relationship ends up being, short or long.
i would not send risqué photos or videos as you never know who gets access to them.

Haha your Op made me laugh How lovely to get those excited feelings at 55! I’m 54 and 9st 10. I’m happy with my weight but you can’t escape a bit of slackness at this age in certain positions so to speak. I had no stretch marks from two babies and no c section so no overhang but things still start to head slowly south. I’m trying hard to weight train and do a plank daily but as well as for vanity it’s for maintaining strength as I age. Wear confidence and get yourself some nice lingerie. There’s all sorts of nice sets that can be more modest if that makes you feel better . Good luck! Have fun and report back! 😜
DO NOT SEND IMAGES!

All these people who say their partners think they are gorgeous, stunning, beautiful, etc. that's very sweet. But probably one of the many delusions we tell ourselves.

That's kind of patronising @theleafandnotthetree I do think my husband is gorgeous. I don't think anyone else is in a position to tell me otherwise.

Yep. DH is 53 and I think he looks better than ever!

We have no idea what could be out there of each and every one of us

Not every one of us by a long shot. There are absolutely no pics of me anywhere on the internet and I can think of plenty of people this applies to. My dh, my children and plenty of friends. Not everyone pastes pictures on facebook or anywhere else.

That was a horrible thing to say.

I absolutely think my partner is gorgeous.

your post makes me sad.

I did say 'probably'! Certainly not always. The point is that regardless of one's physical imperfections - if they can even be called that, they are just the human body - we continue to fancy each other, enjoy having sex with one another, to conceive of each other as attractive in the round. It doesn't necessarily mean that we think of each other as beautiful in the sense that a 20 year old gym bunny with no sagging, crepping etc. This goes for men and women.

Haven't read the whole thread, but by god this thread is sad and depressing.

A grown woman sending photos and videos to a man she has never met before. One she seems obsessed with before even meeting. What would you say if your daughter told you she was doing the very same thing!

Go on the dating thread in relationships and see how well that goes down with the well seasoned daters on there.

I'm 47 and there is no way I'd be sending a man I've never met photos. Last time I did OLD it was a pit of sad, desperate men, who wanted their kicks but didn't want to pay for porn. The good men were snapped up quickly and met up quickly, they also didn't ask for photos or videos.

I look ok standing upright, albeit with a bit more flesh than I used to have. Bending over though- the tummy sags and the boobs go long and skinny (quite an achievement for 32FF!!). Mostly I'm comfortable and confident with myself, but sometimes feel insecure and start dieting.

Whatever stage I'm in though, DP finds me irresistible, which in turn boosts my confidence. Especially because I find him very, very sexy and handsome.

But objectively- he's a man in his mid 50s. He has a little paunch, and grey hair all over his chest. He has to keep taming the hair that sprouts from his ears. He doesn't suffer from 'The Droop', like many men of this age, but he's not in his 20s any more.

We got together when were in our mid 40s.

Point is- (although I'm making assumptions here about his age)- neither of you are in the first flush of youth, and he probably has his own worries about his physique. No-one is perfect, even in their 20s/30s- the only thing that matters is if you're perfect for each other.

I weigh double what you do and some, so I look like this

I look around and see many out of shape young bodies. Loads of out of shape men. If you’ve got to 55 and you’re slim and feel pretty good about your body bar gravity that affects us all, I’d say you’re winning.

Really?

To be honest, you sound like you have let yourself go.

I'm 55 (almost 56 actually) and I care HUGELY how I look.

We are going on holiday soon, and I will be wearing sexy dresses, sexy heels. I've got a waxing appointment booked and getting my colour done at the salon. I do my nails with a lamp, so they are looking good.

And even though I'm happily married, I do want other men to find me attractive. I can't imagine not caring.

Do you think he won't have wrinkly and saggy bits too? Do you think men don't get insecure about their ageing bodies too? They do! You're both middle aged and neither of you are going to look 25. Nobody is going to be surprised by that. If he's as hot shit as you think he is then he will be all over you. If he finds your body lacking because you're no longer 25 then he's not someone you want to continue seeing.
Have fun, enjoy yourself, try to stay grounded!

For a few reasons, it’s been a few months and we haven’t met yet. We’re due to meet up next month. He’s seen some pics and videos of me and loved them, but of course, I’ve been able to carefully curate them. I don’t want him to be disappointed in how bits of me look. I feel like I should warn him in some way.

@Dontfuckingsaycheese I assumed you were not real when I read this but will take your word that you are.

Seriously, you are not ready for OLD if this is how you're behaving.

50+ and sending nude shots and videos to some strange man?
You're months in talking etc but have never met?
Why is that?

You're behaving like a teenager with a crush.
You have no idea who this man really is, his entire profile and life could be fake.

I think you need to give your head a really long wobble and stop sending nude pics of yourself to strangers. Those photos could end up anywhere online.