To ask, politely, and seriously, if you are in your 50s, what do you look like naked?

[Dontfuckingsaycheese]

Hi.
I’ll cut to the chase. I’m 55 and single (happily for the last 15 years or so).
This year, following a rather exciting reboot, I decided to try online dating and I have been having a lot of fun. Met a few nice men. No nasty ones 🙂 I have also fallen in love with my body again and have lost over 3 stone so now just over 9.5 stone.
I am amazed at how good this 55 year-old body looks, FROM SOME ANGLES AND IN SOME POSITIONS. I’ve been making a few videos and stills and I can look damn 🔥
However, I am alarmed how I look, mainly from the front, if I lean forward. Everything prunes, falls and elongates, and it’s scary!! I have met a man online who I am absolutely obsessed by. For a few reasons, it’s been a few months and we haven’t met yet. We’re due to meet up next month. He’s seen some pics and videos of me and loved them, but of course, I’ve been able to carefully curate them. I don’t want him to be disappointed in how bits of me look. I feel like I should warn him in some way. I know it shouldn’t matter, and he should like me as a person, but things have been tres flirty and I’m very keen to make it physical 😉 I feel like just explaining I’m aware there’s parts of me that are a bit time-ravaged. He’s a little older than me, so wondering if it’s the same for him… So he’ll understand I mean, and not run for the hills. I’m thinking of explaining this in terms of wanting to feel confident in bed, so it may be that, at times maybe I may wish to wear a top or something…
I’m wondering how others feel, any pearls of wisdom, advice, reassurance, amusing anecdotes to make me feel better… 🤔

I did ask!

Valid and personal, thereby private reasons. Seriously. It’s not my intention to withhold info, but this is not particularly relevant.
I just came on here for a bit of reassurance and advice on my aged bod! What I did not come on here for was a forensically intimate examination of my love life, desires and decisions. I guess I forgot where I was 🙄🤔❤️❤️
I still thank everybody for their replies on my thread. I understand and appreciate your concerns about my life choices. I appreciate people sharing their personal stories and feelings. Fantastic insight into how others feel, love and live. I do feel, having reached this grand age, and actually having changed very little in my ways of all things men, I reckon I will continue making my own decisions, based on my personal values and wants, and definitely not based on how some people think I should.

Seriously. It’s not my intention to withhold info, but this is not particularly relevant.

It is 100% relevant, unless it's perhaps a health issue, an elderly relative who needs care, working away etc.

Otherwise all this is a fantasy built on phone calls.

Why would you show an unknown man your body by photos and videos?
You have far more to you than that. You don't need to wind them in by doing that. Makes you appear desperate, even if you're not.

Posters are on your side. We don't want you to get hurt.

Valid and personal, thereby private reasons…….not particularly relevant

So why is he on a dating site?

The whole purpose is to make a connection and meet.

That’s like applying for a job, getting it, agreeing a starting date, then saying ‘no thanks, I’m quite happy in my current job’. Just why?

People on dating sites who can’t or won’t meet for whatever reason have no business being on there.

If you already had an in person relationship, then three months later he said ‘look, I can’t meet for the next two months because blah blah reasons, that’s one thing. But this is something different. I’m on a dating chat elsewhere and the general feeling is if you go away for a weekend, no problem. If you go away for a week, pause your profile because it’s daft. You’re (meaning him) leading people on, taking advantage of the fact there are a lot of broken hearted people out there and some of them will allow their imaginations to get the better of them.

In answer to your original question, your body is fine. Be the best you can eg exercise for your own health, but people all like different things. For every person who likes fit and taut and slim, there’s someone else who likes squishy and bumpy. Or overweight and comforting. Or muscular and with the medals to prove it. Or a couch potato to lean on while watching tv. Be you, but be the best and happiest version of you.

Why don’t you start swiping again, see if anyone wants to meet for a coffee? It’s too easy to romanticise someone who is far away and not sitting in front of you.

I know that ❤️ and I am grateful for this, believe me. However, the judgement on here… it is harsh! If I wanted that I could have just asked my mother! She’s never got me either. Also, though, my inner voice can be my loudest critic. Harsher than anything you’ll read on here. Nothing I’ve read on here has made me cry like I can! There has been a lot of soul-searching over these past few months, and like I said, I’ve pretty much accepted this is just who I AM, and have pretty much made my peace with it. I do value and respect myself. I love myself. I am a bloody decent human. I am kind, clever and very funny. Now I’d like to find a person who can appreciate me, just the way I am. So far, this guy’s come way closer than any other men I’ve met recently.

I’m just worried how he’ll feel about me when we meet. Don’t you think I don’t know how bonkers this all sounds? I’ve been called immature on here. Well hear this. I still believe in princes on white horses… I want the whole fucking fairy tale. Maybe it will happen. Maybe it won’t. If it doesn’t, I’ve had a lot of fun, and this little tale becomes another chapter in my wonderful life story.

I think mine is ok to look at - I mean apart from my face/neck it’s not much different from what it was like at 40. I am a lot stiffer and achy though - prob bad posture.
im doing some weights now to help that.
still wear a bikini on hols by the pool.

But op you are worried about how he will feel when you meet because you are worried your breasts will be too prune-like or dangly or whatever.

And what we are trying to say you shouldn't HAVE to be worried about any of that. No-one doubts you are a kind, clever and funny person; but we doubt that going about this the way you have is giving you the best chance for that fairy tale.

I hope you are able to take it as fun, because the fact he is interested in these pics before meeting you is a bit disrespectful. I realise it might feel flattering, but at a deeper level it's insulting.

I hope it's fun, I wish you luck and we are here if it all goes wrong.

Signed,
Your Mum (just kidding - but I think we do feel protective, so tread carefully).

I’ve been called immature on here

Oh I wouldn’t worry about that. Saying ‘grow up’ is such a cheap, cheap shot at someone. I roll my eyes when I see it, it adds nothing to whatever the discussion is.

I’m just worried how he’ll feel about me when we meet. Don’t you think I don’t know how bonkers this all sounds?

But the reason for this is that you have showed your hand (and a bit more!) too soon. You've played a game by showing him edited /photoshopped pics of yourself and now you're worried you won't live up to those.

If he'd got to know you slowly, your personality etc , your saggy boobs or whatever wouldn't matter as he'd be attracted to ALL of you - not just your boobs.

It's really sad that you're thinking of being in bed with him, and wearing a top or negligee or whatever, to cover your boobs.

Men who are approaching 60 (as he is) will be thrilled to be in bed with a willing, breathing woman.

BUT- the most important bit is that if you meet him he may repulse you. He may smell, have smelly breath, horrible personal habits, wear the wrong socks, etc etc.

Basically, attraction is chemical. It's not the same over the phone even with videos.

I still don't know why you've not met and the fact you won't disclose it makes it all the more odd.

Sorry.

I hope it has the happy ending you want.

There’s been no photoshopping or filters thank goodness. I have, however, chosen the more flattering ones.

@AnnikaLowe wear the wrong socks

Or maybe he wears shoes without socks.

shudders in horror 🤯

BUT, if as you say you get on with him so well online, why haven't you met him in person?
You must admit it all sounds very dodgy on his part.......

The poster wasn't being nasty, she was being realistic. We are concerned for her well being and that's it. She needs to get real and see this for what it is, some dirty pervert wanting to get his kicks from someone who is vulnerable enough to fall for sending him images to wank over when perhaps his wife has lost interest in him.

I didn’t want a relationship with him either. We were both very clear about what we wanted. And I would be delighted if he bragged about me to his friends!

Sometimes women can just want sex for sex’s sake, you know?

Haha I replied before I saw your post – but yes, this exactly. Telling me the 24 year old I had a very honest and open entirely sexual fling with didn’t want a relationship with me?!! Oh, my heart is broken… 🤣

Goodness, I am so sorry that you have only associated with such a horrible subset of men.

You go for it! Life is too short! Have fun!

He's older than you OP. And however attractive you think he is, he's not some gorgeous young guy in his prime who's going to have his pick from a line of beautiful young women with perfect bodies. (Even if he was a gorgeous young guy in his prime, he wouldn't have that.) I'm sure he's just a regular middle aged man who is actually very fortunate to have a women with as much going for her as you even considering having sex with him. If he doesn't realise that and be thinking its his birthday and Christmas at once when he sees you naked, then he's clearly deluded about what he brings to the table and who may want it, so will not be suitable anyway.

He. Won't. Notice

I'm 50, lost almost seven stone. With clothes on, I look grand, but there's some sagging on the tummy and boobs. I guarantee though, menn neither notice nor care.

Enjoy your body!

Now I’d like to find a person who can appreciate me, just the way I am. So far, this guy’s come way closer than any other men I’ve met recently.

But the point posters are trying to make is you haven't met him yet.

And here you are trying to market yourself to him with flattering semi-nudes. And wondering how to warn him in advance of some less-than stellar body parts.

Mate. A few too many shifts on the shop floor with Gaz and the lads doesn't give you the authority to tell every woman over 25, over weight and without a 'perfect body' that men are only shagging them because they've settled for better than nothing. Your neaderthal thick as brick work mates are a type. And it's a type most of us wouldn't touch with a barge pole. They know this, we know this. So their opinions are irrelevant.

😅Love some of the comments on this thread 😂

I misunderstood. I thought when you wrote 'curated' you'd tweaked your photos.

However....still hard to understand why you needed to do this at all. Why do you feel you need to wind a guy in by showing him your body in your bra and pants (or less) at this stage of the game?

Be interested to know if he's done the same with you , to try to impress. We all know what we think of men who send dick pics!

I'm broadminded but this speaks volumes about your self-worth, your self-esteem, and how it comes across (even if it's not) as being desperate to impress far too early and in an an inappropriate way.

There is an absolute wealth of all sorts of free porn available online. Nobody needs to pay for it if they don’t want to
I don't think that the men on OLD who are just looking for pictures or messages are looking for porn, either. I think they wanr proof that they can attract women - ideally lots of women - so that they and their mates see them as a successful player/ladies' man. When I was on OLD, part of me felt the same - wanting to see who I could attract - but the men I met seemed to be taking it to greater extremes, chatting to multiple women at once and openly enjoying the bragging. I kept in touch with one later on and have seen him piss off various women with these antics over the years! They presumably felt used, as they were looking for more. I felt less used, as I just wanted a fun fling, but it got a bit too much even for me when we agreed to meet somewhere and then a load of his work colleagues "coincidentally" turned up to see him with yet another woman (me). I didn't mind him using me to prove to himself that he was great, but I wasn't keen on him presenting me to others as his latest trophy. Are you OK with this man showing his mates your pictures?

My current dp won me over with his sense of humour, deep voice, and emotional intelligence. That allowed me to see past his poor teeth, baggy eyes and balding head :D And after a few dates IRL, he looked attractive to me. When I found out how generous he was in bed, he looked even more attractive. He's 60 now but when he grins at me devilishly, I can see the younger man I never met and he's a real cutie.

I find this really surprising! I'm 55 too, and I do not give one shiny shit if men find me attractive, apart from DP. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that I hope they don't, because the older I get, the more I can't stand nearly all of them.