To ask, politely, and seriously, if you are in your 50s, what do you look like naked?

[Dontfuckingsaycheese]

Hi.
I’ll cut to the chase. I’m 55 and single (happily for the last 15 years or so).
This year, following a rather exciting reboot, I decided to try online dating and I have been having a lot of fun. Met a few nice men. No nasty ones 🙂 I have also fallen in love with my body again and have lost over 3 stone so now just over 9.5 stone.
I am amazed at how good this 55 year-old body looks, FROM SOME ANGLES AND IN SOME POSITIONS. I’ve been making a few videos and stills and I can look damn 🔥
However, I am alarmed how I look, mainly from the front, if I lean forward. Everything prunes, falls and elongates, and it’s scary!! I have met a man online who I am absolutely obsessed by. For a few reasons, it’s been a few months and we haven’t met yet. We’re due to meet up next month. He’s seen some pics and videos of me and loved them, but of course, I’ve been able to carefully curate them. I don’t want him to be disappointed in how bits of me look. I feel like I should warn him in some way. I know it shouldn’t matter, and he should like me as a person, but things have been tres flirty and I’m very keen to make it physical 😉 I feel like just explaining I’m aware there’s parts of me that are a bit time-ravaged. He’s a little older than me, so wondering if it’s the same for him… So he’ll understand I mean, and not run for the hills. I’m thinking of explaining this in terms of wanting to feel confident in bed, so it may be that, at times maybe I may wish to wear a top or something…
I’m wondering how others feel, any pearls of wisdom, advice, reassurance, amusing anecdotes to make me feel better… 🤔

You're over thinking it, unless you add a lot of filters to the photos, he won't be shocked.

Hmmmm, having done OLD for over 15 years, I hear massive alarm bells ringing here but more on that in a bit.

I'm mid 50s and I look like I'm in my mid 50s, atlhough could probably pass for late 40s fully clothed on a good day. I'm slim and in good health but my skin is not that of 25 year old. I also look in far better shape than most men of the same age! If any man who is fortunate enough to find himself in bed with me has a single reservation about it, then that is on him, not me. If you have fallen in love with your body again, then why do you care what someone else may or may not think about it. You love it and at the end of the day, that is what matters.

I'm really concerned by your dating approach @Dontfuckingsaycheese . How the fuck can you be "obsessed" with someone you haven't met? That means it is the thought of him, not the real him you have fixated on. Look up limerance. Personally, from long experience, I think you need to meet asap, as there is a massive difference in a physical being to an online one. He might be repellent in real life with breath that could kill at 3ft, he's bound to be shorter than he claims to be and there's a high likelihood that he's in a relationship too (this is OLD afterall). Because you haven't met for a quick coffee or a drink, you've built this thing up into something else entirely, possibly not in a health way.

Also, I would NEVER send anyone any photos of me in any state of undress and have always been very careful about the ones I use for online profiles. You are essentially making your images available to every fucker in the universe when you do OLD, so that is worth a few moments consideration.

Please take care out there and maybe rethink your approach.

It didn't start with sending porn pics of yourself though, so not like the OP.

There was a poster on a different thread that restored my faith in modern dating. Her date on the first meeting, phone booked the second for a shared activity.
None of this faffing around wondering if you've been ghosted.

“What do i look like naked” Think of Michelangelo’s DAVID sculpture when he reached 78 years old, still a trim 11 stone single healthy man. I don’t pose for sculpting anymore as i like to be active.🤭 no saggy bits .

I don’t really know what I look like, as I never ever look at myself naked! When I look down in the shower it all looks pretty much the same as always, except where I had 2 boobs now I have 1.5 which takes a bit of getting used to.
I would just assume that most men over the age of 50 would have less than perfect eyesight anyway, and stick to low lighting. I think sex is about more than just the visual, although I do like looking at OH, who still looks annoyingly fit. No idea what he really thinks of me, but he is always very kind.
Just be careful OP and don’t give away your dignity or power, to anyone.

I'm sorry OP, but he is some random guy. You haven't met him and you describe yourself as being 'obsessed' with him. You have no idea what he is like, he could be married for all you know. Why have you not met yet?

Some seriously cynical posts on here! You really underestimate people's abiliy to do their due diligence.

As long as you have a surname and a photo you are able to check an awful lot out on the internet, if you are savvy. Not saying people don't get fooled, but there are a lot of genuine men online, as well as the idiots you are talking about.

OP I'm nearly 53 and have been single/no sex for the last 11 years.

I ended up being 7 stone overweight for reasons I won't bore you with.

I am now 3 and a half stone down (doing it without WL drugs and it's coming off very slowly at 1lb a week now).

I'm eating super healthy and only doing walking really as exercise.

I did plan to do some exercise to firm up the skin on the tops of my arms and legs but instead I have been lazy and been using Murad body resculpt cream which I have to say does seem to be working on my arms. So I started using it on my stomach and breasts as well.

My stomach seems to be recovering amazing well from being so overweight but of course there is time yet. I expect if I ever get to the right weight for my height it will be a little bit untoned and loose but I could be wrong.

Breasts I can see a difference in that they look looser and saggier. However I know doing arm weights can work the muscle under them as I used to do this so I may go back to this or I may not.

I had stretchmarks before from puberty/high cortisol some quite bad.

Have they got worse. I think they probably have but it's hard to tell. I mean if you have a billion stretchmarks, do you notice when you have a billion and ten.

Never had cellulite so don't seem to have any again although I would rather have cellulite that my stretchmarks.

I am debating given dating another shot if I can reach my correct weight. I haven't decided yet.

Will I be nervous getting naked with someone. Absolutely. More so than when i was younger but I was never that body confident anyway.

Like you though i am quite surprised at how good parts of me still look although i am still overweight so I suppose that could be helping.

I do feel more accepting of myself now I think and I feel sad at how I was so hard on myself when i was younger. No man ever made me feel bad about my body - I did that all by myself (self esteem wrecked by abusive, chaotic childhood).

You have placed alot of expectations by not meeting for ages but I understand how that can happen. I wouldn't send someone naked pictures but that's just me. If you are really worried why not send him a completely unfiltered naked one to show the real you.

However don't forget if you are actually sleeping together he will have smells, taste, touch and all kinds of things he does not have in a picture so I honestly doubt he will notice.

Plus don't forget men must be used to woman looking different naked to when clothed. Think padded bras and tummy tuck pants.

I wish you luck.

there are a lot of genuine men online, as well as the idiots you are talking about.

Thing is they’re not men who would welcome unsolicited nude photos. My bloke would have run for the hills if I’d done that - and not because my body repulsed him.

I don't think that sending naked photos to someone you've never met can be described as due diligence.

Yes there are lots of genuine men out there, but you just need to read a few posts on here to know that there are plenty who are most certainly not even giving their real name, never mind have genuine intentions.

I'm 52, and my body has changed a lot since peri/going on HRT. I've gone from a 10/12 to a solid 12, and my tummy is no longer flat although I have a well defined waist. My body is strong, I lift weights, and fit, I walk at least 10K steps a day and my cardio score thing on my watch is "excellent" - but I am under no illusions that it looks like it did when I was 25! I'd like to lose weight but I also like wine and crisps. My DP doesn't look like he did when we met 20 years ago either so we're sagging together!

I actually do take photos of myself in my underwear/sports bra and shorts fairly regularly as I don't weigh myself. I keep them in a "hidden album" on my phone, and crop my head out of the shot, even though it's only me who has access to them! I would be very wary about sending images to a person online.

Your post implied you didn't give a toss about your appearance.

I'm pretty, smart, funny, incredibly successful in my job, creative and have built myself a wonderful home and family. I do have a very sexy, strong, fit and attractive body...

You forgot 'modest'

Many people do not give their full name and surname on such sites or even in their emails or messages- they have aliases.

You haven’t actually met him yet so I’d hold off my expectations till then personally.

No need to say anything at all, he can take you as he finds you, let him make his own mind up just as you will make your own mind up when you meet him.

Acknowledge to yourself before you meet that there is a chance there will be no chemistry and you don’t click or find each attractive in real life (could be mutual, could be just one of you). It’s very common when you’ve only built rapport online.

I'm going to sound like a bitch but here goes (it's what I was told when I did OLD sometimes bluntness is needed ).

You've not met him in months, he has no intention of meeting you, you've sent him photos and videos already and he still has an excuse not to meet you. You are either incredibly naive or stupid and desperate. You cannot build a romantic/sexual relationship with someone you've never met. At best he's a pen pal. Just because you've found his LinkedIn profile/have his surname doesn't mean he is a good person who won't use those photos. Just look at all those respectable business men with sexual assault allegations against them.

Why you're worrying about what he'll think when he sees you I don't know because I'll start doing OLD again myself (and I hated the thing) if he ever does meet you.

Have a bit of self respect and stop sending a random man you've never met photos of yourself. Until you meet him, he's still a stranger.

Its a shame you don't just see a confident older woman. But that's your issue.

This is even worse- that you chose to send pics without being asked!

There can't be valid reasons for not meeting for months. Only excuses.

I don't have an issue, thanks.

You seem to protest too much.

57 today and look like a partially deflated old gym ball 😂I've also lost 3st and despite not being that happy in my skin I am happy being me and loved and desired by my partner of 13years. He fell for me when i looked like an inflated gym ball however so there is that. If a man is that worried about how you look either naked or clothed and not more concerned about whats between your ears he's not a man to keep in your life.

Absolutely loads of 55 year olds have teenage grandchildren 🤦‍♀️

But the OP has said she wouldn't dissuade a teenage grandaughter from sending naked pics and videos online.

And that instead she'd advise her to do what makes her happy.

Absolutely loads of 55 year olds have teenage grandchildren 🤦‍♀️

But the OP has said she wouldn't dissuade a teenage grandaughter from sending naked pics and videos online.

And that instead she'd advise her to do what makes her happy.

I think I look ok, but I work out a lot (weights mostly). The only part of my body I dislike is my slightly saggy stomach. It’s not bad and if I could put up with the time out of the gym to recover, I would have a tummy tuck. I rely on working out for my mental health also, so don’t think I would survive 6-8 weeks with no exercise.

Generally I have had to come to terms with my body and the fact it won't go back to what it was pre-children, unless I did take the surgery route. That’s fine. I focus more on what it can do rather than what it looks like.

I don’t think it overly bothers DH, at least the hasn’t said anything!

He absolutely, definitely is ‘some random guy’. You’ve never met him. If he can’t meet you for *insert reasons then what is he doing on dating sites? He could be married, living with someone, not who he says he is, using someone else’s photos, any number of things. Until you have met someone then that online presence is no more real than I am. I might be male, female, 35, 45, 55, 65, married, widowed, a city dweller, a country bumpkin, I might live abroad, I might be an employee at Mumsnet HQ and use this account in my coffee breaks. You simply do not know.

And saying it’s okay to send videos and photos to some random is fine because they could make an AI video of you because they’ve already seen a photo of your face is naive in the extreme.

Honestly, no photos or videos you don’t want making public is really dating rule number one.

Like a pp said, make a firm time limit to meet face to face within a week. If he can’t manage that then a) he has no business being on a dating site and b) what a disappointing relationship it would be hardly ever getting together.

Or course. Therefore they wouldn't pass due diligence and that would be the end of the conversation.

Really? So OP would have had her son at 18, he could have had his first child at 18 and that would make the grandchild who was 'dating' 19 now.

Not very likely.

Most of my social circle were not grandparents will they were mid-late 60s.