To refuse a boob job after DH said mine are “wrecked” post DC4?

[Hoistraft]

bit of background first. ive just had DC4 about 6 weeks ago. total shock, was on the pill and it failed. tbh DH wasnt exactly over the moon about it, hes been a bit grumpy about the whole thing and weve been snapping at each other more than usual. im knackered, breastfeeding round the clock, house looks like a bomb site and i dont even know what day it is half the time.

so yesterday i was getting changed and he just comes out with “you should think about getting your boobs done, they’re a bit wrecked now after 4 kids”. i laughed it off at first but then he said he was serious and that “it would be good for both of us” if i sorted them. he keeps saying he’s only being honest and that it’s not a big deal these days.

i feel really rubbish now. yes theyre not what they were at 20 but i grew and fed 4 children with them and atm i actually think my body deserves a medal not a surgeon. im exhausted, hormonal and the last thing on my mind is cosmetic surgery. but part of me is wondering if im letting myself go and maybe hes right?

AIBU to flat out refuse or is it selfish to just expect him to accept me as i am now?

What an utterly vile and cruel comment. Don't change anything on your body unless YOU want to. And certainly don't even think about it just after giving birth.

You have a husband problem not a boob problem. What are you doing with him?! Horrible human being.

My god. My ex said some really twattish things both during pregnancy and after my DS was born but never this! Your breasts are not for him!

Your body is still recovering and he expects you to undergo invasive surgery!

Maybe he'd like invasive surgery to improve his "assets".

I'm so sorry you had to hear such a nasty comment while newly postpartum OP. The insults others have posted are cathartic but I think this needs a really serious discussion about his hostility towards you coming out in these ways- he's obviously very angry with you about the 4th baby which means he's not taking any responsibility. I would ask him to dig deep and reflect on why he's acting so passively in his own life. Why was the burden of contraception on you? Others have mentioned vasectomy- its very common for men to get them when their family is never complete- why didn't he ever consider this? And, failing that, why didn't the two of you go for some counselling when you were newly pregnant to discuss his feelings about it? He doesn't get to keep blaming you for this and acting it out in small nasty ways

He’d never be seeing them again if he was my fella!

Another thing is : I'm always amazed at the amount of these men who have daughters. Bet their tune would be entirely different if some sex obsessed twonk wanted their daughter chopped about for the benefit of his penis.

They must dissociate? Their daughter is a woman . Their wives are pieces of flesh to service their precious penises.

Surely this isn’t the first thing he’s said like this? He’s a horrible person and you’d be better off without him. If you want a boob job, do it for you and NOT him.

What he said was unkind & uncalled for. I too would be very upset in your position. You’re superwoman in my eyes for caring for four kids & keeping things going, your body is not there to be cut up for his pleasure. IMHO He owes you a huge apology & to really consider his words before speaking.

That's nasty and not anything to do with your boobs, really. He wanted to get inside your head and punish you. Time to seperate

Sounds like he is resentful that you have a new baby and wants to punish you. He knew exactly how that comment would sound and how much it would hurt. He said it anyway, because you’ve brought a new baby into the family, that he didn’t want. He is letting you know this fourth child has wrecked you, spoiled not only the family situation, but your body…because that’s going to really hit you where it hurts, or so he believes. (He’s not really seeing his 50% part in the situation).

In other words he’s behaving like a child. He’s sulking. He’s clearly internally very angry and very resentful to be able to be so nasty.

I would prepare yourself op. I’m not sure he is going to accept your new larger family situation with the love and excitement it deserves. He is unlikely to help with that growing mess. He’s unlikely to respond kindly to the baby crying, waking you up etc and he’s probably going to continue to be a vile twat to you, because he believes this is your fault.

I’m sorry you are going through this. I’d be inclined on calling him out on being spiteful and make him face up to his poor attitude.

I would be careful.

It sounds like he’s unhappy and wants out.

So he’s doing what most cowards do which is nitpicking and making you unhappy, so you’ll be the one who wants to end things and be the bad guy.

channel his ‘tell it like it is’ ways.

Tell him he needs a diet, a hair transplant and a vasectomy, and suggest he stays with his mum while he gets himself sorted out or realises what a monumental Arsehole he’s been.

Awful man. Presumably he looks unchanged to his pre-kids state? The only procedure I would be prioritising now would be the snip for him, assuming you're not going to leave him as a result of his awful attitude.

On another note, when is his vasectomy booked in for OP?

As he didn't want a fourth and it's all your fault, he'll be wanting to take back control and make sure there's no chance of a fifth, right? Right? Right? Sorry, what was that?

“it would be good for both of us” and "We can't keep doing this"

To be honest what would be good for both of you is if he want and had the snip. Then he can't make snippy (pun intended) remarks

Anyway, congratulations on the birth of your lovely new baby. Hugs to you and all your lovely children and a big boo to your DH (make him change the next poonami as punishment)

If you 'sorted them'?!!!!

Get rid of the cunt. How dare he.

Tell him to get a vasectomy!

Your AIBU is heartbreaking. He is a CUNT.

When is his vasectomy booked? ASAP hopefully as the pill didn’t work. You aren’t letting yourself go ffs! I bet he doesn’t have the same body he did at 20.

Women can die during surgery. For that reason it must ALWAYS and only ever be done because you want it. You don’t, he’s bullying you. There’s no way this prick would look after the kids for you to actually recover either.

Id be done seriously. He either starts counseling and improves how he speaks to you or he would be fucking gone. This is abuse! You are freshly postpartum.

I would of told him that him getting a hairline transplant took higher priority.
What a arse, make sure you clean the toilet with his tooth brush!

Cheeky bastard.

I'm willing to bet he's hardly a treat for the yes, is he?

What a disgusting horrible twat!! I'm actually shocked at this and so sorry you're married to such a bellend ❤️

Tell him that when he has a vasectomy, you'll think about breast implants and when he's had a vasectomy tell him you've thought about it and the answer is 'No!' And if he has the temerity to make nasty digss about the unplanned pregnancy, remind him that he should have had a vasectomy before he knocked you up again if he was so set on not having more children. He sounds like a complete prick.

😊

No way his balls look like they did 20 years ago either. Fuck him. What a dick

When is his hair transplant? Most women don’t find receding hairlines attractive. Sounds like his hair is clinging on for dear life and that he’s fat. Dish out what he gives.