To refuse a boob job after DH said mine are “wrecked” post DC4?

[Hoistraft]

bit of background first. ive just had DC4 about 6 weeks ago. total shock, was on the pill and it failed. tbh DH wasnt exactly over the moon about it, hes been a bit grumpy about the whole thing and weve been snapping at each other more than usual. im knackered, breastfeeding round the clock, house looks like a bomb site and i dont even know what day it is half the time.

so yesterday i was getting changed and he just comes out with “you should think about getting your boobs done, they’re a bit wrecked now after 4 kids”. i laughed it off at first but then he said he was serious and that “it would be good for both of us” if i sorted them. he keeps saying he’s only being honest and that it’s not a big deal these days.

i feel really rubbish now. yes theyre not what they were at 20 but i grew and fed 4 children with them and atm i actually think my body deserves a medal not a surgeon. im exhausted, hormonal and the last thing on my mind is cosmetic surgery. but part of me is wondering if im letting myself go and maybe hes right?

AIBU to flat out refuse or is it selfish to just expect him to accept me as i am now?

I would not throw insults. You need to tell him how this has made you feel. Explain your exhaustion and the insensitivity of his words. Discuss his role in creating this baby. And really tell him how dreadful his comments were and how you won’t forget them. His reaction will tell you about the kind of man he is.

If he minimises it, why not say let’s ask a trusted friend of family member for their opinion. See how he takes that…

In some months, you may need to rethink this relationship. For now, make sure he helps with his four children and try and get some rest. You deserve so much better x

Buy a strap on. Insist he wear it during sex as his cock isn't up to the job. Then point out exactly how hurtful that comment was and tell him to fuck off to his mother's while you decide if your relationship has a future.

He could pop to turkey and sort his hairline out would be really good for you both… you could have a break from him xx

Your boobs have done what they should be good for - fed 4 babies. And even if they couldn’t do that (it happens) that is their function.

They are not there for your DHs benefit.

If you want a boob uplift for you to feel good about your body then do it for you.

Otherwise your DH can get to fuck.

He’s a pig.

Reading about the disgraceful behaviour of so many men on MN is making me want to scratch my eyes out.

I am so sorry that this man is your husband, I actually hate him for you.
I would probably never show him any part of my naked body again.

My friend stopped BF early to have a boob job for her husband. He still left her for a younger model when the kids were small. Don't do it OP.

Years ago my mum had breast implants because of feeling flat after feeding 3 kids. She said over the next two years some volume came back over each menstrual cycle and she ended up having the implants taken out again. I've no idea how common that is but it suggests things can change after a birth.

Whatever, your husband is a fool making that comment.

This sums up what I would have posted!

Just tuck his remarks up your sleeve and on a day when you’re not shattered and feeling better and stronger, say in your sweetest voice ….

“Darling, whilst I’m looking into getting my boobs sorted out for both of us, will you come to the clinic with me to explore getting your co*k made bigger/fatter. I think it’s shrivelled a bit recently. It’ll be good for both of us won’t it?”

Take no notice of your thick ill educated prat of a husband.

He absolutely needs to have a vasectomy @Hoistraft. He doesn’t want any more children so he needs to ensure that he can’t produce them, it’s that simple.

I wasn’t just suggesting it to wind him up, my DH had one once he’d completed his family and so have most of his friends. That’s far more important than your boobs.

Mad thing to say after you’ve just had a baby.

Im not against proper honesty with your partners but it’s not an appropriate time at all

and also a boob job is a rubbish suggestion rather than something to give you some time to yourself and build back your bodily freedom
post 4 babies!

@Hoistraft How absolutely vile. I’m so sorry. I don’t know what to suggest. I could not be with a man who had said that to me.

You've got 'd'h problem not a tit problem. When you've recovered from the newborn stage really think about if this is a man you want to be with.. because I'd be thinking about leaving.

As the contraceptive you used failed, then I would be suggesting he uses the boob job money to book in for a private vasectomy

He sounds absolutely vile. And this 'being grumpy' about the pregnancy. Fuckin hell , is he some God like figure or something? Does he not realise he was there at the conception as well.

Wow! Just Wow!

I don't think I could be with someone if they said that to me post birth.
Kneejerk reaction never been stronger to LTB!

Disgraceful isn't it how a woman can be manipulated into hacking their perfectly healthy breasts about, all so some porn obsessed male can have a fiddle (and then get bored) I think it is abusive to coerce a woman to have surgery for a man's sexual gratification.

The only women having boob jobs, should be the ones who have come to the conclusion all by themselves that they are unhappy with their breasts.

Maybe he can get the snip and a personality transplant at the same time instead?

What an arsehole

Absolutely this.
There would never be the vahuest possibility of conception of a 5th child either.

What a nasty prick.

As usual, first post nails it.

Your body has grown and birthed four children. You're breastfeeding. I bet he's no adonis himself. He can fuck right off.

Unbelievable. He sounds hideous

Never met this guy, but I want to punch him in the face, silly arsehole. It would be good for both of you, would it? How did he figure that out, then?

Do you know ... I honestly think this culture of shallowness with women's bodies has gotten worse. And I'm sure it's directly related to porn availability and ease of accessibility. I expect it'll get worse with AI and the introduction of "perfect" women.