To refuse a boob job after DH said mine are “wrecked” post DC4?

[Hoistraft]

bit of background first. ive just had DC4 about 6 weeks ago. total shock, was on the pill and it failed. tbh DH wasnt exactly over the moon about it, hes been a bit grumpy about the whole thing and weve been snapping at each other more than usual. im knackered, breastfeeding round the clock, house looks like a bomb site and i dont even know what day it is half the time.

so yesterday i was getting changed and he just comes out with “you should think about getting your boobs done, they’re a bit wrecked now after 4 kids”. i laughed it off at first but then he said he was serious and that “it would be good for both of us” if i sorted them. he keeps saying he’s only being honest and that it’s not a big deal these days.

i feel really rubbish now. yes theyre not what they were at 20 but i grew and fed 4 children with them and atm i actually think my body deserves a medal not a surgeon. im exhausted, hormonal and the last thing on my mind is cosmetic surgery. but part of me is wondering if im letting myself go and maybe hes right?

AIBU to flat out refuse or is it selfish to just expect him to accept me as i am now?

WOW. What a massive arsehat! I'm so sorry you are married to him.

Of course you refuse the boob job!

Well OP no need to ever worry about a fifth pregnancy as you won’t want to be intimate with such a disrespectful cretin now 👍

wow i didn’t expect so many replies, thank you all so much for taking the time. ive read every single one and honestly it’s like a weight lifted seeing so many people say im not being unreasonable.

lots of you saying vasectomy and yes 100%. i’ve mentioned it before (after DC3 actually) and he just sort of laughed it off like “nah, not for me”. well maybe it bloody should be for him seeing as the pill clearly isn’t foolproof and i’m the one carrying the consequences. i’m tempted to actually bring it up tonight and say if he wants to talk about surgery “for both of us” then he can go first.

the comment definitely wasn’t a slip of the tongue. i think some of you are right that he’s angry/resentful about DC4 and taking it out on me in these little digs. it hurts more than i realised because i’ve been brushing them off for months but it’s not normal to feel this chipped away at all the time, is it?

i don’t want implants. i don’t even want to think about surgery. i just want him to respect me and maybe, i don’t know, say thank you for growing his kids instead of picking at my body.

i’ve got a lot to think about but honestly, reading these replies, i feel a bit stronger already.

What an absolutely dreadful thing to say.
It's up to you what you do with your body and that discussion should only be had if you was the 1 to think of it

He’s been looking at porn OP.

Hurtful, hurtful ignorant man. Show him this thread OP.

Good luck with all you’ve got on yr plate, with 4 children the last thing needed was your husbands nasty, deliberately designed to hurt, comments. Stupid superficial sod!
I don’t often get riled up but this post has done it! Feeling for you 💐

He thinks he owns your body, he objectifies you and thinks you owe him his idea of a perfect female body.
Absolutely vile.

Also, it's absolutely not selfish to want 100% body autonomy and agency!

Terminal ick. I wouldn’t even want to look at him ever again.

Good grief @Hoistraft that’s a truly awful thing to say to you. I’m so sorry you are married to such a prick. Talking of pricks, maybe suggest he gets his dick enlarged as you’ve noticed it isn’t what it was? It would help both of you. 🙄

i don’t want implants. i don’t even want to think about surgery. i just want him to respect me and maybe, i don’t know, say thank you for growing his kids instead of picking at my body.

Tell him just that! Time to make yourself respected and your voice heard. No more brushing off his misogynistic, vile and hurtful comments. He doesn't get to hurt you in all impunity anymore.

Anyone who says anything non complimentary about a woman's body only 6 weeks after they've given birth is just a really horrible person

Congratulations on your achievements OP.
Please take care of yourself

So when you're at your most vulnerable, he chooses to hurt you. What he said was negging, it's abusive, the intent to wound your confidence. Why would he do that to someone he deeply loves and respects?

yeah i think that’s it in a nutshell – i don’t actually care about “wrecked boobs” or whatever, i just want some bloody respect. like, i’m literally sat here feeding his newborn and he’s talking about cosmetic surgery. it’s such a kick in the teeth.

some of you saying porn… i wouldn’t be surprised tbh. he’s definitely been spending more time on his phone lately and i’ve caught him deleting history before. makes sense if he’s comparing me to whatever “perfect” bodies he’s looking at online.

and you’re right, i’ve let myself brush too much off because i hate confrontation and i’m always so tired. but i can’t keep swallowing it, i’m starting to feel smaller and smaller in myself.

the idea of spending “boob job money” on a divorce instead did make me laugh. maybe that would actually be money well spent 😅

Insult his cock
😂😂

I agree that he’s chosen to snipe at you and criticise your body because he’s angry about being a father again. It’s deflection. Horrible man.

You deserve so much better.

I wouldn't be getting a boob job but I would be getting rid of a husband who said that to me. What an utter pig he is.

What an incredibly hurtful thing to say. Your body is still recovering. You are AMAZING, you have given birth to four of his children. Please don’t dwell on this comment, your body is perfect how it is.

I’m sorry op, but I think this is exactly where he’s headed. He’s already justifying it in his own head. Take the money, and hide it for when you need it.

Seriously, if there is any repetition, you need to ask whether he really believes he is the Adonis you first married, and whether it would be kind for you to point out anything that has changed for the worse.

That's actually a brilliant idea! Do you think you could play the game of letting him believe you'd have a boob job if he paid for it, then use the money on solicitors to divorce his arse? (Don't say any of that in writing to him, obviously 😅)

I'm sorry that you are going through a tough time without much/any support, help or encouragement from your husband. This should be a time of happiness for you both while you bond with your new little person. If your house is like a bomb site it tells us that your husband isn't helping you to clean it up. You might suggest to him that it would be good for both of you if he did something helpful. There is some other good advice in this thread too. Take onboard whatever you can cope with and whatever sounds good for you. Take good care of yourself.

4 babies! Your body is totally amazing and congrats on your baby! He's being a total knob, don't let him speak to you like that. Your body and boob's will recover from the birth, his shitty personality probably won't ever change though. What a complete moron.