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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse a boob job after DH said mine are “wrecked” post DC4?

520 replies

Hoistraft · 28/08/2025 18:21

bit of background first. ive just had DC4 about 6 weeks ago. total shock, was on the pill and it failed. tbh DH wasnt exactly over the moon about it, hes been a bit grumpy about the whole thing and weve been snapping at each other more than usual. im knackered, breastfeeding round the clock, house looks like a bomb site and i dont even know what day it is half the time.

so yesterday i was getting changed and he just comes out with “you should think about getting your boobs done, they’re a bit wrecked now after 4 kids”. i laughed it off at first but then he said he was serious and that “it would be good for both of us” if i sorted them. he keeps saying he’s only being honest and that it’s not a big deal these days.

i feel really rubbish now. yes theyre not what they were at 20 but i grew and fed 4 children with them and atm i actually think my body deserves a medal not a surgeon. im exhausted, hormonal and the last thing on my mind is cosmetic surgery. but part of me is wondering if im letting myself go and maybe hes right?

AIBU to flat out refuse or is it selfish to just expect him to accept me as i am now?

OP posts:
DontStopMeNowGoodTime · 28/08/2025 18:32

Lets reframe this. Actually OP, your breasts are amazing, you are feeding your newborn baby with them and that is incredible.

WonderingWanda · 28/08/2025 18:32

What an arsehole. So sorry he said that to you and at such a vulnerable time too. Your body is amazing and he doesn't deserve you. I'm sure at 6 weeks post partum you are not in the right head space to be kicking him out but I would plan to as soon as I felt able to.

Pigeonsandgiraffees · 28/08/2025 18:33

What an awful thing for him to say to you.

It's no wonder there is a "male loneliness epidemic".

These fuckers are not lonely enough, including your husband, OP.

So many of them really do not like us, or see us as people.

BruFord · 28/08/2025 18:33

“You having a vasectomy would be good for both of us” would be my response.

Especially as your DC4 was unplanned and he presumably doesn’t want any more children. A vasectomy makes perfect sense tbh.

If he thinks it’s fine to suggest surgery to you, it’s fine for you to suggest it to him. Please ask him to have a vasectomy @Hoistraft and see what the twat says.

outerspacepotato · 28/08/2025 18:33

Next time your husband takes the trash out, he may as well throw himself in as well.

You'll never forget that remark.

MaggieBsBoat · 28/08/2025 18:34

Please tell me that you’re not going to ever have sex with him again?!

Pianoaholic · 28/08/2025 18:34

How insensitive and mean.
If the house is a bombsite, not that it matters seeing as you have a 6 week old baby, why is he not sorting it out?

Sadcafe · 28/08/2025 18:34

As a man, I have to say that is a horrendous comment to make,boobs are first and foremost for feeding, if he’s not happy with how they now look, honestly, tough

Munchyseeds2 · 28/08/2025 18:35

Let us know what he says when you show him these responses
He is vile!

BuckChuckets · 28/08/2025 18:35

To say that to you is disgusting, to say that when you're 6 weeks postpartum is a shooting offense.

Cheshire71 · 28/08/2025 18:36

Assuming based on his comments to you he has the body of an adonis!! 🤦‍♀️

Original poster
Hoistraft · 28/08/2025 18:36

thanks all, honestly im sat here half laughing half crying at some of these replies. i feel a bit less crazy reading them.

to answer a couple of questions - no he didnt say i should terminate but he definitely wasn’t happy when i told him i was pregnant. he sort of shut down for a while and keeps making digs about how “we can’t keep doing this”. ive told him before the pill failed, it wasn’t me being careless, but i don’t think he’s ever really accepted it.

i dont think he realises how much that boob comment stung. like i’ve just grown and birthed a whole human AGAIN, im sleep deprived and leaking milk constantly, and his big contribution is to suggest i book in with a plastic surgeon.

and yes to whoever said about his own body… let’s just say his six pack is long gone, hairline not what it was either, and i have never once told him to “sort himself out” because i actually love him for more than his looks.

i don’t want surgery, full stop. i guess i just wanted to check i’m not being stubborn or selfish by refusing. reading all these replies, i can see it’s him being a prick not me.

OP posts:
PrincessC0nsuelaBananaHammock · 28/08/2025 18:36

After 4 kids isn't his dick a bit old and worn now? Maybe he could think about getting it enlarged, after all it would be good for both of you.

What an absolute cheeky fucker he is! That comment would make my fanny slam shut so fast.

lowkeygirl · 28/08/2025 18:38

Tell him breast implants would be indeed be great for both of you, but he needs to get his first since you're breastfeeding.

If his reaction is anything other than a heartfelt apology backed up with meaningful (not cosmetic) action to make himself at least somewhat likable, LTB.

Anyahyacinth · 28/08/2025 18:38

Hoistraft · 28/08/2025 18:21

bit of background first. ive just had DC4 about 6 weeks ago. total shock, was on the pill and it failed. tbh DH wasnt exactly over the moon about it, hes been a bit grumpy about the whole thing and weve been snapping at each other more than usual. im knackered, breastfeeding round the clock, house looks like a bomb site and i dont even know what day it is half the time.

so yesterday i was getting changed and he just comes out with “you should think about getting your boobs done, they’re a bit wrecked now after 4 kids”. i laughed it off at first but then he said he was serious and that “it would be good for both of us” if i sorted them. he keeps saying he’s only being honest and that it’s not a big deal these days.

i feel really rubbish now. yes theyre not what they were at 20 but i grew and fed 4 children with them and atm i actually think my body deserves a medal not a surgeon. im exhausted, hormonal and the last thing on my mind is cosmetic surgery. but part of me is wondering if im letting myself go and maybe hes right?

AIBU to flat out refuse or is it selfish to just expect him to accept me as i am now?

Ask if they'll make a bundle sale with his vasectomy

DontStopMeNowGoodTime · 28/08/2025 18:39

OP, if your (D)H can thinks the family can afford a boob job, there must be money for a cleaner. Do that instead.

WhereAreWeNow · 28/08/2025 18:40

What an awful thing to say! Of course you don't need a boob job OP! Does he have a history of saying really nasty things to you or was this out of character?

PoshDuckQuarkQuark · 28/08/2025 18:40

I would suffocate him with your saggy boobs while he sleeps...

He really said that?? He needs to apologise as thats awful!

Is he absolutely body perfect? I'd start commenting on his receding hair line, sagging balls and hair growing out his ears.

Comedycook · 28/08/2025 18:40

You have four kids and one is a baby? I'd take the boob job purely so I could have a nice rest and hospital stay while he has to look after the kids ...

Just kidding...sort of...

FOJN · 28/08/2025 18:43

YOU got pregnant all on your own? How could you do that to HIM?

And after having four of his children, any of which HE could have prevented if he wanted to be a grown up and take some responsibility, he wants you to have cosmetic surgery?

Please tell this pathetic excuse for a man to fuck off.

Typicalwave · 28/08/2025 18:43

Hoistraft · 28/08/2025 18:36

thanks all, honestly im sat here half laughing half crying at some of these replies. i feel a bit less crazy reading them.

to answer a couple of questions - no he didnt say i should terminate but he definitely wasn’t happy when i told him i was pregnant. he sort of shut down for a while and keeps making digs about how “we can’t keep doing this”. ive told him before the pill failed, it wasn’t me being careless, but i don’t think he’s ever really accepted it.

i dont think he realises how much that boob comment stung. like i’ve just grown and birthed a whole human AGAIN, im sleep deprived and leaking milk constantly, and his big contribution is to suggest i book in with a plastic surgeon.

and yes to whoever said about his own body… let’s just say his six pack is long gone, hairline not what it was either, and i have never once told him to “sort himself out” because i actually love him for more than his looks.

i don’t want surgery, full stop. i guess i just wanted to check i’m not being stubborn or selfish by refusing. reading all these replies, i can see it’s him being a prick not me.

Your answer to ‘We can’t keep doing this’ after his other comments should be ‘Well, it’s your lucky day bevause my vagina just fused, permanently’

What an utter prick.

SquishedMallow · 28/08/2025 18:43

What a low blow after just giving birth (to the child that he impregnated you with.

Do you know, sadly I think this "porn era" men are having has made so many of them so utterly shallow and "aesthetic" about women.

I'm surprised you're not really put off him to be honest.

My DH is a bit "shallow" about women's bodies. Totally doesn't understand that skin sags with age, boobs sag etc. he's great in many ways, but think things like cellulite is due to being "overweight" and couldn't get his head around the fact that very slim women also get cellulite and that it's hormonal. It's a bit depressing. (I have a shit ton of cellulite thanks to being a pear shape and I'm a size 10)

He once tried in a really subtle way the "encouragement" if I ever wanted a boob job ...

No chance. Put myself under anaesthetic when I've got children to add a couple of fake looking 'pleasure bags' to my chest. No. I don't want to.

He'll have to make do with my B cups. Funnily enough, something I actually do want done is teeth whitening (he thinks that's a waste of money 😏)

I'd completely ignore him and tell him that if he wants a different body, he can go out and find one (and best of luck with it 😏) I'm sure he's no 'Mr World'....

Original poster
Hoistraft · 28/08/2025 18:44

haha honestly some of these are making me properly laugh for the first time in weeks, thank you. suffocating him with my “wrecked” boobs did cross my mind ngl 😂

to the poster who asked if this is out of character… not completely. he’s always had a bit of a “say it how it is” streak but lately it’s definitely tipped into being mean. like little digs about my weight, the house, how tired i look. i usually brush it off but i’m starting to feel worn down by it.

and no, he is definitely not an adonis. he’s nearly 40, bit of a belly, hairline creeping back. i wouldn’t dream of pointing it out because what’s the point? i love him. or i did. atm i just feel like he doesn’t see me as a person, more just a body that’s gone “wrong” after carrying his kids.

good shout about a cleaner though, if we’ve apparently got a “boob job fund” lying around i’d far rather spend it on someone to help me out atm than silicone stuck in my chest.

OP posts:
Typicalwave · 28/08/2025 18:44

Comedycook · 28/08/2025 18:40

You have four kids and one is a baby? I'd take the boob job purely so I could have a nice rest and hospital stay while he has to look after the kids ...

Just kidding...sort of...

I’d take the money for the boob job and use it a seed money for my Fuck Off fund.

Petrolitis · 28/08/2025 18:44

And the misogynistic cunt is now under the patio yes?