To refuse a boob job after DH said mine are “wrecked” post DC4?

[Hoistraft]

bit of background first. ive just had DC4 about 6 weeks ago. total shock, was on the pill and it failed. tbh DH wasnt exactly over the moon about it, hes been a bit grumpy about the whole thing and weve been snapping at each other more than usual. im knackered, breastfeeding round the clock, house looks like a bomb site and i dont even know what day it is half the time.

so yesterday i was getting changed and he just comes out with “you should think about getting your boobs done, they’re a bit wrecked now after 4 kids”. i laughed it off at first but then he said he was serious and that “it would be good for both of us” if i sorted them. he keeps saying he’s only being honest and that it’s not a big deal these days.

i feel really rubbish now. yes theyre not what they were at 20 but i grew and fed 4 children with them and atm i actually think my body deserves a medal not a surgeon. im exhausted, hormonal and the last thing on my mind is cosmetic surgery. but part of me is wondering if im letting myself go and maybe hes right?

AIBU to flat out refuse or is it selfish to just expect him to accept me as i am now?

Very true. I bet super rich vain men where moneys no object probably do.😂
Maybe that's the next channel 4 fly on the wall show 😂😈.

That is a revolting and insulting thing for him to say.

And I say this as someone who has a breast augmentation after having children. But that was my choice, for my own self esteem, because I wanted to.

This xxx

Throw the useless wankers back in te sea....let them drown together!

Bloody hell. Good for both of us? They are your boobs. You can do what you like with them. If you want a boob job post kids because it would make you happy, then go for it. But if you don't want too, don't. What an ass hat. I'm fuming on your behalf. You should have countered that him considering have a back, sack and crack wax and full frontal lobotomy would be "good for both of us" too. Gah. Men!

IT COULD HAVE BEEN WORSE, MIGHT HAVE SUGGESTED A FACE LIFT AS WELL !

I can’t believe you even considered the possibility that you could be being unreasonable. Surgery is a massive deal, a huge invasion of your body and potentially dangerous. Plus the results look a bit silly in my opinion. OF COURSE you have every right to totally reject the idea.

Have you always doubted yourself this much, or has he worn you down over the years?

Ahhh, so, he is so bloody perfect, how dare he...You have given him 4 beautiful amazing children, that truely are the best gift ever and he says you should consider a book job...How upset you must be feeling, having such an insensitive dick head as a partner. Please do not do this, as a nurse for the past 40 years l would not recommend having any kind of surgical procedure, unless ofcourse it is detrimental to your health. When you hit the menopause they grow like mad. I was always a happy 36C, now l am a 38dd and hate them. I have never felt so uncomfortable and self conscious, but that's life.... He should love and adore you , you have no control about how your boob's look, unlike him that can think about how his comments can really hurt....Hope he grows out of being a complete bell-end...
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Genuinely hope you don't think this is any sort of breakthrough, and understand the reality that nobody talks to a woman like that if they genuinely care about them, and nobody says your boobs are "wrecked" who does not mean it. I know this is hard to accept, but it really is that simple.

@Hoistraft Inform your NVDH that you have wrecked your body several times bringing beautiful children to life. He can feel wrecked for once by going and getting a vasectomy. It's not even inpatient surgery. Most snips are MUCH smaller than the man thinks it will be. 🙃😉

Sounds to me like your husband can be a bit of a dumbass.

I had four planned pregnancies in six years, the 'baby' is now an adult. My lovely husband has never mentioned the state of the poor old very droopy boobs, bless him. There is a very strong history of breast cancer in my family though, so I never planned on messing with them, unless medically necessary. I was worried that any sort of implant might make discovering anything nasty more difficult, so, I resigned myself to being droopy for life (roll em up and pop them in a bra). 😂

A couple of years ago, late 50s, I lost quite a lot of weight as it was really affecting my health. While I never thought I'd be in that position, I ended up going to see a surgeon about a tummy tuck, as all the extra skin was causing issues.

Anyway, lovely surgeon explained everything carefully, but he also mentioned my breasts. He didn't put it in the same words, but effectively said I'd end up with a nice waist, but it would be hidden by the droopy boobs. I explained why I'd never considered touching my breasts, as the family history was a concern.

In the end, right around turning 60, I, the woman who would be voted least likely to get her boobs done, had a breast lift. I don't have implants, they're still small, but, they no longer point at the ground! I also recently had a mammogram and they technician commented on how it was a lot easier to get a much better look at the breast tissue now.

So, while your husband isn't the brightest, your body is yours. Make decisions only based on what you want and your health. My point is though, that IF it was something you did want to look into one day, it can be a looooong way in the future even, there are options and it isn't always big implants.

I'm now so much healthier without the extra weight and I feel like the outside of my body now more closely matches how I feel on the inside. The thing is though, my journey was only ever about my health and it's been the right thing for me. Only you can decide what's right for you, and you don't need to make any decisions while you're in the thick of the baby and toddler years, so don't feel pressured to ever do anything.

Edited to add, does a vasectomy even count as surgery? My DH had his in his lunch break from work, no stitches, just one of those butterfly clips as the incision is so small. He did spend the weekend cuddled up with a frozen bag of peas though.

I would not let the vasectomy talk slide under the rug.

You have done your time with pregnancies and avoiding pregnancies by being on the pill. We all know that just being on the poll affects our bodies, so not even touching on pregnancy and breastfeeding.

As you won't be going back on the pill now (hint hint) the prevention of further pregnancy now falls to him. So he either gets the vasectomy or you strictly use condoms. I bet neither of these options will please him greatly, but meh. It is how it is.

But, hasn't this now opened your eyes to him a bit now OP. Now that this has happened, you might notice more than this type of behaviour has been happening more than you realize, and that too has been swept under the rug.

He and his saggy balls (it won't be long if not already 😛) can get to fuck. And I would not hesitate to point it out, but I am childish like that.

So top tip. Bring up the vasectomy discussion regularly.

😂 OP, this! Love the bit about asking what’s the reason for his body changing?!

Get him to pay for it, go to turkey and have a holiday out of it whilst he has the kids at home…then the day you get back hand him divorce papers 😂

CF. Hate men like this. Do NOT do it. You gave children the best possible start in life. Tell him where to go!

What a selfish, self-centred arsehole! Tell him to fuck right off; and when he gets there, to fuck off some more🤬🤬

Cosmetic surgery is the last thing you need.

Saw this and thought of you @Hoistraft

www.facebook.com/share/r/17HeKfCM77/?mibextid=wwXIfr

Jesus! Do you need me to come and dig up your patio for you?

He better be built like a Greek God and hung like a race horse. Even if he is, he's still a twat for saying shitty, sexist things

Sounds like OP is good with him treating her like filth, unfortunately. After all, he kind of sort of half said he didn't mean it really.