Money 'borrowed'

[Alice19876]

I got married three years ago. To my husband who is a tradie who works hard for our family while I stay home with our twins who are 18 months old.
I am very lucky to be a stay at home mom and my husband works very hard to provide for us we don't live beyond our means and have one holiday abroad a year and one year in England.
when we got engaged we planned a Cyprus wedding but due to Covid that fell apart and we lost about 1.5k in deposits.
due to this we decided to have a cheap uk wedding in December in a beautiful venue that does packages nothing I don't regret. Now here comes the issue, I'm an only child and when my parents were there during my engagement they was over the moon for me they even offered 10k to get married abroad and I was shocked but so thankful. But obviously due to Covid the wedding abroad it never went ahead. Since we moved the wedding to the uk and it coming a lot more my parents said it was ok the budget was still the same. While we paid other fees. ,then they made changes to the wedding ie the evening wedding food was a basic package but my dad wanted the upgrade to a hog roast which was 1.5k including other changes, my wedding dress they said not to worry so we went shopping for my dress I found a lovely one for £800 but my mom made me try on a 2.5k dress with a 1k veil and extras. But they reassured me, I'm their only child and little girl it's okay. Then added extras as their friends are coming, a harpist which they wanted etc so it came about 10k but we put the rest.

happy wedding and all good until yesterday. My parents informed me the wedding money they 'loaned' me they need back in a year. It wasn't ever a loan and I'm shocked. It's been 3 years and never mentioned once. My dad is taking early retirement this year which I don't blame him but they want the money to go on a cruise. As I mentioned I'm a stay at home mom to twins and also now another baby on the way. Where do I get this money from? When all along for 3 years plus the year before telling me not to worry. I feel sick, I have such a good relationship with my parents so I don't want this to affect our relationship. But I don't have a spare 10k they told me I shouldn't have gone on holiday this year and gave them the money instead but they have never mentioned this before!? If it was a loan it would've been paid back since we first got married. I can't sleep as I'm so worried. Aibu? Do I just take a loan out?

How awful. Somehow you'd hope that any will they make is invalid due to cognitive/mental health issues or whatever might nullify a will, then everything would go to you on intestacy.

Are both of them fully compos mentis really?

Yes, you're right. I've just done some research and in Scotland the burden of proof lies with the claimant when using the simple procedure (for claims of £5k or less) which means that the claimant must provide sufficient evidence to prove their case (i.e. the same as in England and Wales). However, if the case is more complex or involves personal injury, the burden of proof may shift to the respondent, requiring them to provide evidence to contest the claim. So, I assume the claim your parents brought against you was for more than £5k and they used the ordinary cause procedure, Mouse?
It's awful to have to think about it, but what OP's and your experiences warn us is that when our parents are apparently displaying such largesse, that we should text, WA or email them along the lines of "Thanks Mum and Dad for your generous offer of £x, but I just wanted to double-check; is this a gift or a loan?" and download their reply. Sad though that is. 😞

So sorry to hear how they’ve treated you OP.

This is the last bit of power they could have over you. I hope you've said clearly that you don't care about inheritance.
They sound to be right pieces of work. Nasty. Not the sort of person you want to be a role model for your own children.

This is so unbelievably awful of them. I am so sorry OP. I hope you can find some peace. Hugs to you for the loss of your dog too- it’s so hard. 💐

God the dog thing is beyond cruel, but l don't understand your post about it sorry. You say you bought it together last week but its been in your life for 16 yrs. Is it two dogs we are talking about. But anyway they sound awful sorry.

OP said:

'also my dog who we all bought together last week had to be put to sleep'

I think that there should probably be a comma after 'together' so the meaning is that the dog that they all bought together, had to be put to sleep last week.

Yes, it was a substantial sum.

That's always my advice to people now when they talk about giving or receiving gifts from family members. If the family member is acting with honest intentions, they shouldn't get upset about being asked to put something in writing.

Agree it's a sad state of affairs though.

I'm really hoping OP that their lawyers told them it wouldn't wash in court (in England) but that they would write a letter stating that unless you responded within x number of days then they would start court proceedings (which is usually a bluff).
They have probably disinherited you as the lawyer would have also told them it's impossible to prove and although a verbal contract technically is a contract they had no proof and the fact they didn't mention it for 3 years would mean even less possibility of a win! Ironically the lawyer would have charged them a pretty penny for the above summary!

Honestly my heart goes out to you I think what they have done is terrible but it's their loss. It's them who will miss out on the GC (don't get suckered into we will take you to court for GP access if they start that one as that's also a non starter btw!)
All of the above because they want a fancy cruise!

Focus on the beautiful family you have created and on having newborn cuddles in the not too distant future.

@Alice19876 this is horrific, your parents are awful. Given your update may I suggest you find a good therapist who can help you in believing that they are the problem. I have a feeling that you will have been brought up to be conditioned that you are the one in the wrong. You are not (based on your posts). Changing the goal posts three years down the line in this situation is just unfathomable. As an only child I get the pressure that is placed to ‘get the one you want as you’re our only daughter’ etc. You don’t get a choice and get swept in the excitement (I recall it from my wedding too).

it is unforgivable that they have taken this approach. Get some help to come to terms with it, it’s like a terrible grief. Oh and I imagine they will try to wander back into your life when your new child is born and pretend everything is fine without resolving the money. Beware for that and stand up and strong against it.

i bet they lorded it at the wedding too - nothing is too much for our one and only daughter…

sorry this has happened

Agree @EquinoxQueen . They'll get over their anger and want to see the grandkids and op. Might want help when they're older.

Morning OP
live sent you a DM 😘

Why is it important to “avoid a falling out”?

Because I assume the OP is worried about this or she wouldn't be here asking for advice about taking out a loan.

Ah l see , thank you, obvious now but l really couldn't work it out ☺️

This is fine. They think you want to buy their love with fictitious "debt repayments" and that they can buy your love with the hope of an inheritance, but love doesn't work like that. Their actual love is for money, so it's better that they keep their money, which cannot love them back, and that you keep your emotional energy to build real relationships with genuine people who know how to love.

Hi - just going through my 'posts I'm on'. I wondered if you were able to make up with your parents?

Hope you are doing ok Op