Money 'borrowed'

[Alice19876]

I got married three years ago. To my husband who is a tradie who works hard for our family while I stay home with our twins who are 18 months old.
I am very lucky to be a stay at home mom and my husband works very hard to provide for us we don't live beyond our means and have one holiday abroad a year and one year in England.
when we got engaged we planned a Cyprus wedding but due to Covid that fell apart and we lost about 1.5k in deposits.
due to this we decided to have a cheap uk wedding in December in a beautiful venue that does packages nothing I don't regret. Now here comes the issue, I'm an only child and when my parents were there during my engagement they was over the moon for me they even offered 10k to get married abroad and I was shocked but so thankful. But obviously due to Covid the wedding abroad it never went ahead. Since we moved the wedding to the uk and it coming a lot more my parents said it was ok the budget was still the same. While we paid other fees. ,then they made changes to the wedding ie the evening wedding food was a basic package but my dad wanted the upgrade to a hog roast which was 1.5k including other changes, my wedding dress they said not to worry so we went shopping for my dress I found a lovely one for £800 but my mom made me try on a 2.5k dress with a 1k veil and extras. But they reassured me, I'm their only child and little girl it's okay. Then added extras as their friends are coming, a harpist which they wanted etc so it came about 10k but we put the rest.

happy wedding and all good until yesterday. My parents informed me the wedding money they 'loaned' me they need back in a year. It wasn't ever a loan and I'm shocked. It's been 3 years and never mentioned once. My dad is taking early retirement this year which I don't blame him but they want the money to go on a cruise. As I mentioned I'm a stay at home mom to twins and also now another baby on the way. Where do I get this money from? When all along for 3 years plus the year before telling me not to worry. I feel sick, I have such a good relationship with my parents so I don't want this to affect our relationship. But I don't have a spare 10k they told me I shouldn't have gone on holiday this year and gave them the money instead but they have never mentioned this before!? If it was a loan it would've been paid back since we first got married. I can't sleep as I'm so worried. Aibu? Do I just take a loan out?

No one owes you anything!! How nasty!

OP, why were laywers involved - was that by your parents or yourself? What was the upshot?

I'm so sorry to hear about your dog. My family is also on the dysfunctional side - my sister is a massive narcissist who'd push me off a cliff while telling me she loved me if there was a few quid in it for her, and my parents have basically been a bit shit. I haven't cut them off though, because I still love them, although I don't speak to or see my sister if I can help it. I'm not sure if your parents will ever realise what they've done to you, though. I'm sure that, in their heads, they are the good ones for 'loaning' you this money for the wedding of their your dreams, and that you are an ungrateful brat for not paying it back. That's how narcissists are - reality isn't an objective truth to them, it's what they say it is. It's hard to believe that some people put fancy holidays and a nice lifestyle ahead of their own kids - but mine did that too. It's a sad fact of life for a lot of us, unfortunately. Not all parents are lovely apple-cheeked delights who would run through a wall for their kids.

What a sad, sad story, OP. Your parents sound like Cruella De Vil and Lucius Malfoy!!!!!!!!!

The only silver lining I can see in this cloud is that they are gone from your life before they can have a noxious impact on the loving family you have created.

An expression I've always liked is "If you lend a man £100 and never see him again, it was money well spent." I'm so sorry about your loss of inheritance, but maybe over time you will view it in a similar way. 💗

Yes, you're quite correct oncemoreunto... . It's actually very easy for a biological parent to disinherit an adult child and and it's not easy at all to challenge their Will doing so. Simply being treated "unfairly", being "promised" a bequest, or a parent changing their Will in favour of a new spouse are not grounds for challenging a Will. On the contrary, the parent not having mental capacity to write a Will, being coerced into writing it in a certain way, fraud, or the Will not being written legally are grounds for challenge, but evidence would be required. In addition, the Inheritance (Provision for Family and Dependants) Act 1975 allows the close family and dependants of the deceased to apply to court for a share of his or her estate, on the basis that the Will does not make ‘reasonable financial provision’ for that relative or dependant (most commonly, a spouse and child), but only if they were financially dependant on the deceased at the time they died.

Actually, it's a common misconception that we have complete testamentary freedom in England and Wales. For example, The Inheritance (Provision for Family and Dependants) Act 1975 allows the close family and dependants of the deceased to apply to court for a share of his or her estate, on the basis that the Will does not make ‘reasonable financial provision’ for that relative or dependant (most commonly, a spouse and child). So, disinheriting a spouse or a relative who is financially dependant on you would see your Will being challenged under this Act.

Whether OP's parents have a history of abusive stuff or not, what they are doing now to their pregnant daughter is absolutely abusive and cruel. Who does this to their only child when she is pregnant with their second grandchild? They accepted free labour from their tradie son-in-law for themselves and their friends when he did jobs on their houses for them and only charged them for materials.

They insisted on paying for stuff that OP didn't even want or need for her wedding (obviously to impress their friends who they made OP invite). They are utterly toxic and it looks like this is the first time that they have shown their true colours. They deliberately refused to let OP say goodbye to the family dog before she was put to sleep. Only a monster would do that to their own child.

No way should OP be the 'bigger person' and leave the door open for a reconciliation. They deserve to never see their daughter or grandchildren again.

@MilleniumMouse They took me to court, and the law states that the onus was on me to prove it was a gift. I submitted loads of email and text exchanges but because I didn't have anything 'official', I had to start paying them back.

I'm sorry this happened to you, but your statement about the law is incorrect (assuming you're in England or Wales). They were suing you and the burden was on them to prove their case; i.e. that the money was a loan, which they presumably did, but you were unable to rebut this with evidence of your own that it was a gift.

I'm sorry this has happened to you. If there is indeed an "inheritance" why can't they just use some of that money?

I believe that in England if a 'child' can prove that they were for some reason financially dependant on their parent(s) then they can ask the Courts to order some support from a will. The cases I've seen have usually been from very wealthy families where the 'child' has chosen not to be self-supporting.

This. If anything at all- I would pay a small amount back per month to avoid a falling out but no way would I be taking out a loan and paying interest. Do your parents have form for this? Bat crazy if they never mentioned a loan before.

What a disappointment.

Sorry, but this and @tachetastic 's advice is poor. OP's recent update tells us that lawyers are now involved (she doesn't say if she or her parents instigated their use) and that she has evidence that the money was a gift. If OP starts repayments she would be "admitting" the alleged loan/debt, which is the very last thing she should do.

OP doesn't need to admit anything as she has nothing to admit.

Posters are only offering other solutions rather than taking out a loan as OP might want another solution rather than paying nothing and losing the relationship.

Sorry it's taken a turn for the worse OP.

I'm so sorry to hear that it had to come to this.

Your parents sound completely bonkers, frankly, but all you can do is stay calm and dignified. They will be the real losers in the end.

I didn't make my post clear enough. OP would be "admitting" the debt in legal terms and would end up having to pay the entire debt, not just what she chose to repay.

To avoid a falling out? This is all on the parents. The relationship is done now either way 😔

I hate when inheritance is used a threat or a means to control by people desperate to be in charge at all costs. They’re clearly not good people OP, enjoy your new peace. And I’m very sorry about your dog, they knew you loved them.

They must be completely crazy to give up a relationship with their daughter and grandchildren for 10 000 pounds. I can't imagine what kind of people they must be to behave in this way.

100% Add in the fact that they spent the 10k trying to be flash and it adds up to a dismal picture.

OP is right to cut them off. Pulling this stunt and the dog thing when she's pregnant? Low. Really low.

Wow! I’m speechless….😶

Of course it's all on the parents but the OP is asking for opinions so posters are offering different opinions and solutions to try and help. If she wasn't worried about avoiding a fall out she wouldn't be here. So that's obviously relevant.

Everything is worth weighing up and considering. What a tough situation.

OP I really feel for you.

I cant imagine ever treating my daughter like this, can’t imagine what they are thinking 😢

I'm in Scotland. I believe it's different here.

So sorry to hear your update OP.

I can’t fathom their thinking. They sound incredibly self absorbed.

Best wishes on your pregnancy. Try and focus on your DH and children and do your best to stay strong.

I see what you mean. I think a solution could be agreed without admitting to something that didn't happen though. I can see from the updates that any positive outcome is now unlikely however. So I understand.

I am so sorry this has happened to you.

They thought they could control you with financial threats. And all they've done is alienate their only child, cut themselves off from their grandchildren and exposed themselves to be malicious arseholes. Gee, I hope they think it was worth it.