Is my DH's request reasonable?

[Ihaveneedofwaternear]

I've just come home from work unexpectedly while DH was in the loft WFH. It's not unknown for me to do this, as I work in the community and home can be closer than the office so sometimes I do my notes at home.

DH has just come down and asked that I text him up in the loft whenever I get back, as otherwise he hears someone moving around downstairs and is worried. I shouted hello when I came in, but he didn't hear.

Do you think that's an unreasonable request?

He's putting it all back onto you though isn't he. He's worried about it and no it doesn't take long to text but it also doesn't take long to lock a door behind you when coming/going.
Hes tucked away and anyone can walk in, if the door was locked and he heard a noise then its obviously you and you've used your key to get into the house.

Stand your ground, tell him the door should obviously be locked. The house will be safer and it resolves his worries.

well OP's DH obviously is then

I'm sorry but I don't see locking your front door as neurotic. It's more common to do it than not. And I say that as someone who once horrified a friend by leaving the front door unlocked all day when they weren't sure what time they would arrive while we were at work.

Why not just buy a wireless doorbell and press the button when you come in so he knows it's you? He can have the ringer up in his room

Sending a message is very hard work lol wouldn't bother me to do something so small for my husband but each to their own i guess 💁

He shouldn't be in the loft with the door unlocked downstairs.

Has he never heard of walk in theft? Happened to me with the kids playing downstairs.

Not a bad idea, but still too much effort. He can stick his head down the loft door and ask OP if she's home.

@Ihaveneedofwaternear If don't think normal locks are a very good deterrant against burglars. Bolts are much more effective.

I think your DH should start bolting the door when he goes to the loft if you're out.

You'd have to ring the doorbell and wait to be let in if you come back, obviously, but it would save you having to send him a text.

It seems odd that the default in his mind would be that your home was being ransacked by strangers? Even though he knows you could potentially be there at any time during the working day?

It's almost like he's doing something and he doesn't want to be caught in the act. Either that or he's unnecessarily paranoid about burglars.

Obviously if she's having one, I always do when I'm sitting down to paperwork, which is why I said personally. My OH does the same when he comes in only a selfish twat would make their own.

Im really surprised how many people come and go from their home without saying hello and goodbye. I’d find that so rude and very antisocial. Even with flatmates when I was younger we’d say hello and goodbye to anyone in the communal areas or leaving and getting back (except that one year in uni I had seven housemates).
we always shout “just me” “hello” or “im off now” “bye” it’s part of living in a social group is it not?

I don't lock my door when I am in as you still need a key to open it not just turn a handle, however if I heard someone downstairs when I wasn't expecting anyone there is a fair chance I'm going down with a heavy object in my hand.

I’d assume those kinds of people a) don’t panic that there’s a noise downstairs and thus require their spouse to tell them they’re home and b) don’t live in areas where opportunistic crime occurs. For those of us that don’t live in Balamory locking our doors is both a sensible precaution and a requirement of our home insurance.

Why do people live with others if they hate doing simple stuff for each other? Why is it unreasonable for A man to ask for reassurance just because he's a man?

IMO you have to be in agreement with your husband over every trivial request. Even if you disagree you can do it. Providing he'd do things for you that he disagrees with.

I'd find his need for texting my arrival home a nuisance and a bit childish. However I'd agree to it as it's important to my husband and not a big issue at all.
My husband does little things for me that he finds ridiculous so I respond in kind.

Does your husband do things for you if you need it? Even if he finds it a nuisance?
If yes then I'd say you could text him as requested.

I lock my doors when I'm at home during the day because I'm a female alone. Many years ago we had a bunch of Australian tourists walk in who thought they were in my neighbours house.

So DH would have to walk all the way down and all the way back up again? Probably would only happen once and DH would agree to leave things as they are

JFC man working from home in loft leaves door unlocked but must be doing something wrong?

His DW could walk in as he doesn’t lock the door, but he’s still under suspicion.

Presumably he knows roughly the time of OPs return?

What are you suggesting he’s doing or watching?

So why don't you lock the door then?

HINBU
YABU

Burglars break into locked houses every day, when they think no-one's home, so him locking the door is not the answer.

Since you apparently remember to shout "it’s me" or whatever anyway, saying you don’t want to have to remember to text him is ridiculous. I simply don’t understand why you don’t just text him as he’s asked, which would take about ten seconds longer, and prevent him being anxious.

You sound as if you don’t like him much and just want to score points.

Well I think this might actually be part of it, yeah. He's very much a text, keep track, just ringing to see where you are, type or person. And I'm not at all.
@Ihaveneedofwaternear
My partner does the same as yours. He works from home, I don’t. He prefers me to announce when I come home. I usually shout upstairs when I come in but he often doesn’t hear me anyway as he’s usually on a call. Then he asks why didn’t I say I was home 🙄
I however, don’t feel the need for him to announce his arrival home when he’s been out. If I hear someone come in and start pottering in the kitchen, I would just assume it’s him!

Locks are easy to get past. I'll watch out for your next AIBU post on the lines of 'A burglar broke in and stole all our stuff and my DH who was WFH thought it was me. AIBU to think he should have checked?'

Text him.

I suspect he would probably be okay with coming down to let her in if it meant making the point that the text would be easier all round.

He might not rush down, obviously. The doorbell may need to be rung several times.

Tit for tat, as PPs have said.

If you can’t remember to send a text then we’ve got bigger problems here.

How is sending a text different from shouting up the stairs? It's the same task performed via an alternative medium, but less likely to go unnoticed or disturb a meeting.

Is he really leaving the front door unlocked though?😱

Even if the door is kept locked, you should still announce your arrival.

if you don’t want to text, what about smart speakers so your hello can actually be heard.