Is my DH's request reasonable?

[Ihaveneedofwaternear]

I've just come home from work unexpectedly while DH was in the loft WFH. It's not unknown for me to do this, as I work in the community and home can be closer than the office so sometimes I do my notes at home.

DH has just come down and asked that I text him up in the loft whenever I get back, as otherwise he hears someone moving around downstairs and is worried. I shouted hello when I came in, but he didn't hear.

Do you think that's an unreasonable request?

I didn’t think there was any suggestion that she should clock in…

I fail to see how sending a short message is acting any more like an employee than shouting up to someone to say you’re there. And what’s the point of that if he can’t hear her!

I tell you what, ring him when you’re coming in the door and announce you’re home.

Then quietly go out again, for a couple of hours.

That should bring it all to a head.

Edited, duplicate

Because why should she have to do extra steps to let him know she is home? Shouting up should be more than enough.

She pops in and pops out, he is working upstairs, why does she need to announce her presence in her own home, If he hears her downstairs he could pop down to see her when he gets a break, or he could text her to make sure it is her, why put all the onus on her to 'make him aware' she is home.

If he actually cared about rando people wandering in he'd lock the door so that excuse is a load of rubbish.

Locking the door is the first step to ward off burglars, not making your wife text you.

I fail to see why he can’t just stick his head through the loft door and speak to OP? Why must the effort be by OP?

It's weird.

Can you get 2 alexas? One up with him, one downstairs. As you walk in, say ‘Alexa, announce I’m home’.

Actually you could just say, ‘hey siri, tell Fred I’m home’.

As a PP said, in the old days we didn’t have tech to announce where we were. I’m pretty sure we walked into the room where other people were and said hello though. Because that’s polite.

“no, actually, this is my home and it’s tension-inducing to not be able to come and go whenever without clocking in like a shift at the factory”.

Texting your spouse that you're on your way home unexpectedly early is not clocking in for a shift at a factory. Texting "I'm home" instead of shouting it up the stairs because your spouse says the former is a more effective heads up for them than the latter is not a wild ask. Someone wanting to know if they're alone in their home or not because we naturally listen for and react to noises differently in the two situations is not controlling or neurotic.

My DH hates walking into a kitchen and finding open cupboard doors and drawers. It's just a tiny, low-level stress for him but I know he enjoys our home more without it. So when we moved in together I made a point of changing my habit of leaving them partly open. Not because I think closing cupboard doors is objectively important or because I feel the same way he does, but because it really didn't cost me much to retrain my habit for about a week and it was worth doing just to remove that little shred of unpleasantness for him.

I mean I guess it depends where you live though.

I go to the shops and don’t lock our door most days, and don’t think anything of it.

If he's going to leave the front door unlocked, he should remain on high alert. OP, don't dream of dulling his alertness with a text. It's all you've got if those burglars come.

I'm quiet often upstairs when my husband pops home if think it bloody weird if he didn't say hello, if I don't answer he pops upstairs toake sure I'm okay. I could have fallen, my friend died of a heart attack at 30 shit happens what's the problem with acting like you care if your supposed to love someone?

What would your husband do if you asked him to text you before coming home so you wouldn't think he was a robber? 😂

Do that.

Is everyone saying text him texting their cohabitees before they enter their houses every time? Seems a strange thing to do.

Are you upstairs working when your DH pops home?

OP does say hello, she shouts up to him, that should be more than enough when they are both technically 'at work', him working upstairs, her popping home instead of into the office to do her paperwork.

It isn't the same as coming home and greeting each other when one or both of you are off the clock, they are both in the middle of work, why should OP be the one to do the extra steps to ensure he knows it's her that is moving around downstairs? Why doesn't he just lock the door instead of wasting time worrying that burglars are creeping around downstairs and then making that OPs problem to solve.

Just saying: when I was a drinking alcoholic I insisted DH text me when he was coming home so I could hide bottles!! Does he need a warning to hide something / someone?!

So not sure of the relevance of who working if someone is lying ill or worse upstairs. Is it okay to say I was working so didn't know they were unconscious? It's hardly a time consuming delay to pop up a few stairs regardless. Why is it some major feminist issue? All these busy working people who don't ever have time to be human.

What's he hiding that he's so frightened of you being home without him knowing? Why is he incapable of locking a front door, you do know your insurance could argue he didnt exercise reasonable care when/if you are burgled?

it's your house of course you dont have to text his lord and master every time you walk through the door 😆that is not a thing at all, tell him to lock the fucking door and get a camera installed, he's a lazy CF.

It's nothing to do with feminism.. and it's nothing to do with caring or love, it's basic respect.

I've got a DH who often spends time in the loft, if I come in I would shout up, go in sort the dogs, put the kettle on, drop my stuff and if he's not appeared after a few minutes, I would go and find him, or go to the second floor and shout up to the third.. It's not wrong to come in and start getting settled, sort out my work stuff, before checking in, especially if they are busy working too.

That isn't what the problem is here, OPs DH is saying he wants her to text as SOON AS SHE WALKS INSIDE THE DOOR so he doesn't get 'worried about hearing sounds downstairs' when he doesn't hear her shout up .. it is insane to make someone do that, because you are too lazy to lock a front door.

He's obviously got issues which explains him wanting to put cameras everywhere and wanting to keep track of OPs comings and goings, it sounds like he wants to know exactly what OP is doing rather than being worried about security.. no one worried about security leaves doors unlocked while working 2 floors away, so there is something else going on here and IMO it's not OPs problem to facilitate this nonsense.

No I don’t think it’s unreasonable. It’s easy enough to do and will mean he doesn’t have to leave his work to come down and check what the noise is. What would you say if he started ignoring noises he heard because he thought it was you and it turned out to be a burglar.

What would you say if he started ignoring noises he heard because he thought it was you and it turned out to be a burglar.

Hopefully she would say he is a prize dickhead for never locking the front door for a start.

She needs to tell him loud and clear, in a text, in an email, get it written down that him choosing not to lock the door is dangerous and could cause their insurance not to pay if they are burgled. Make sure he cannot possibly wiggle out of it as when/if they are burgled he will try to shift blame.

I'm slightly hard of hearing. I don't even work in the loft, just in the box room, and if my partner didn't message me to say "on my way" or something I think I'd probably have a heart attack every day. Mind, door is always locked! There's something about working, being engrossed in what you're doing, focusing, and suddenly hearing noises from the front door - it always startles me a little bit if it's unexpected. I'm so glad my partner is a natural "on my way!!" texter!

He just needs to get a camera to alert him she's not his PA and it's her fucking home, not his lord and master's castle. If she wants to text him, that's fine. She doesn't, so it's not.

Again, what's he doing that he's so freaked out that she might come home unexpectedly?

And all that aside, he needs to lock the fucking door. The man is an entitled, lazy idiot.

He had a camara, OP did t like it, asked him to remove it, which he did.

Its his fucking honestly as well, but he listened to her and did what she asked.

The lord and master was reasonable.