Is my DH's request reasonable?

[Ihaveneedofwaternear]

I've just come home from work unexpectedly while DH was in the loft WFH. It's not unknown for me to do this, as I work in the community and home can be closer than the office so sometimes I do my notes at home.

DH has just come down and asked that I text him up in the loft whenever I get back, as otherwise he hears someone moving around downstairs and is worried. I shouted hello when I came in, but he didn't hear.

Do you think that's an unreasonable request?

Or he's not working as much as he's telling you

He needn't worry, as the whole point is I can't be bothered schlepping up the stairs to the loft to let him know I'm home

The fact that you think it's ridiculous and unnecessary is enough reason to decline. Just because other people (bizarrely) think it's completely reasonable to text someone in the very same house to tell him you're home doesn't mean it's something you need to start doing. It's fine to say nah I'm not doing that.

Is there more to this?

I saw in a reply you mention that he’s been shouting from downstairs to check where you are upstairs, did I read that right? Between that and the cameras he installed that you didn’t want it all seems a bit overbearing. Why does he need to know where you are at all times?

not horrible but perhaps over reacting?

I wouldn't text but I would announce myself as I got back 'hey only me, home early' or something similar'.

I ask my DH to shout up when he's home so I know it's him

What's the difference?

Well I think this might actually be part of it, yeah. He's very much a text, keep track, just ringing to see where you are, type or person. And I'm not at all.

Is it just me thinking he’s up to no good up there? You don’t keep any spare dresses up there do you?
Lock the door when you leave, he’s either being an idiot or shifty.

If my DH is working from home and I
come home during the day I go upstairs to the office to say hi, ask if he wants a cuppa etc. I only don’t when he has the door shut (as means he is in a meeting) but I would then text him. I wouldn’t shout upstairs as is rude/he may not hear if door shut/may be in a meeting and I don’t want to shout like a banshee up the stairs for everyone on his meeting to potentially hear.

So are you pissed off about that in general or this actual request?
are you looking for validation it’s not acceptable to you ? Perfectly fine if it isn’t but as mentioned above sounds like there’s more to it.

Just ring the bell when you come home - then he can work out if its you or not

If you don’t like doing that then maybe get life 360 as you can set notifications to tell you when someone’s home? Or get the ring door bell back?

I think you’re being a bit difficult tbh, it takes two seconds to send a text. People still burgle houses with the doors locked. I WFH and if I heard noises I will still go down just to double check.

I never lock the door during the day. Some people aren’t neurotic

Em...sorry but my first thought was he's in the loft...working from home? Really? What else is he doing up there/watching up there???

Is this a generational thing perhaps? I'd find it odd to text someone while we were in the same house. DS often will text us from upstairs and we old farts cannot understand/laugh about him not just walking down to speak to us.

His home office is in the loft!

I think my overreaction to this seeming simple request probably is because we generally disagree on this sort of thing. I know it's not a big deal, really. But I don't think I'm going to be doing it!

Just text him. Its not hard. Its hard for him to come downstairs to check if he is on a call.

Wouldn’t you just assume it’s someone who lives there downstairs? Like who else does he think it would be?

I'd have a different opinion, if he was asking you to give him a ten minutes heads up BEFORE you went home, but asking you to make sure he knows that you are in the house seems perfectly reasonable to me.

Yes sorry got that it's his office. I think something about this isn't sitting well for you..which is why you asked. Is it more than just being annoyed at him asking? Do you suspect he's up to something else?

Maybe he's like Jack Byrnes in Meet The Fockers and is a secret CIA agent.

If you call hello when you come in and he can't hear, there's no point in you doing that. Shout it at the top of your lungs until he squeaks something back (this is what DP and I do sometimes). Or, if he can't hear then (or you don't want to sound like a maniac) then send the text.

Or get a front door video camera. Then when he hears rustling downstairs he can go back a minute or two and see you arriving.

I hate texting. This would be hard for me. He can pop his head down the loft door and ask OP if she's home. Why is that hard?

YANBU and I totally get that you shouldn’t need to remember to text your husband in the same house when you arrive home every day. I would forget or be interrupted by something else. Why not get a couple of echo dots? Put one in the loft and one in the kitchen - then you can “drop in” on eachother when you get home. If you forget then he can drop in on you to check it’s you.

Or he can lock the door which he should be doing anyway.