Is my DH's request reasonable?

[Ihaveneedofwaternear]

I've just come home from work unexpectedly while DH was in the loft WFH. It's not unknown for me to do this, as I work in the community and home can be closer than the office so sometimes I do my notes at home.

DH has just come down and asked that I text him up in the loft whenever I get back, as otherwise he hears someone moving around downstairs and is worried. I shouted hello when I came in, but he didn't hear.

Do you think that's an unreasonable request?

Maybe add some smoke signals and a carrier pigeon? Just to make sure.

Ridiculous. Why's he leaving the door unlocked?

I think you should either text him or let him out the camera back up.

He had a way of knowing who was coming in and you asked him to remove it. Shouting doesn't work clearly.

He's accommodated your dislike of the camera, surely it's not a big ask for you to accommodate his wish to know it's you that's come in?

It's the bigger issue though isn't it? You want to feel like you're not being watched, and being asked to text adds to your feeling of being surveilled.

I think the answer is fine, I'll send the texts, but what can we change to help me feel less trapped more generally?

I don't feel the same as you - we always know who is in and who's out and I'm ok with having a ring doorbell - but I think your position is reasonable.

I think it's ridiculous...unless you live very remotely where nobody is about. Has he been watching too many horror movies? 😆

"I think we are just different people. I know I'm making a bit of a mountain out of a molehill, but he's actually a bit annoyed I laughed and said that was mad, and I feel like I should apologise but I don't really want to 🤣"

Grow up!

I can’t be the only person whose immediate thought is what could he be hiding that he needs a warning OP is home … surely ?!

maybe he’s not always err .. WFH exactly 😅

Well if he hears you moving around he knows you are home doesn't he? You are surely the most likely person to be there, rather than a burglar. Weird that he can't hear you shouting up to him but he can hear you moving around. I would be wondering what he gets up to up there.

Lots of unreasonableness all round.

You could just text, he may not hear you if hes on a work call with headphones on.

But why is your front door unlocked if hes up in the loft alone?

Or… plot twist!! He could lock the door. That would also give him peace of mind , since randoms coming in would be less likely.

That a solution to his problem means work for her rather than him figuring out how to solve his own issue

Reasonable. My DH always sticks his head round the office spare room door if he comes in early.

This made me think of 'sleeping with the enemy' 😂

Even if the door was locked (we lock ours too) it’s polite to call out or let people now that the person they can hear hasn’t broken in… burglars can jimmy locks with a crow bar and no noise.

I truly don’t understand why it’s an issue to announce yourself and reassure anyone at home that it’s just you?

I'm on your side op. It doesn't seem like a necessary/normal thing to do to me. I'm not worried about burglars and didn't think so many people were. I definitely couldn't be bothered with this texting

Wow, you must be super duper busy if you can't type "I'm home" and press send.
Maybe spend £100 on a ring doorbell instead so he can see, and not have to rely on you adding to your busy day?

I guess that's fair. Except I said I didn't want the cameras originally, and he still put them up. They used to be in the house as well, but we eventually whittle them down. Had the eufy doorbell for about 5 years before he eventually took it down. Really I think it was because he's had enough of gadgets rather than anything or do with me, because I'd stopped complaining by that point.

Perhaps you could put a ring doorbell on, so if the door opens he can just have a quick look and see it's you?

Tbh at first I thought YABU, but the more of the thread I've read, the more I see your point. My nan is 86 and she still leaves her door open, and relatives and neighbours just pop in with no notice all the time without even knocking (obviously she tells them they are welcome to do so). But if an 86 year old can cope with living that way, I'm sure your husband can cope with you coming in from work when he knows it a likely scenario!!!

I don't think it's unreasonable to request it, but at the same time you could easily forget to do it so I certainly wouldn't tolerate him making out i'd done something wrong if I forgot to text either.

Fishy …

I'd find it quite an odd request to text every time I was coming home and I'd start to wonder why. Of course he should lock the door especially if he's jumpy/worried about burglars.

At home I am usually at the back of the house and if I ever hear a noise I think "oh OH/DC are home early", but then I am not worrying about an unlocked front door!

edited to say it would be something I would definitely forget to do (unintentionally) even if I went along with it

Why are you making such a fuss about this? A text "I'm home" would take a few seconds.

🤣 yeah fair point, I'm making a bit of meal of it, saying I'm so busy. I wouldn't remember, though, that's probably part of it.

You’re not

super odd request, could be a number of things he’s hiding

you don’t have to do it OP

I was going to say exactly this. I don't think that you should have to announce you're coming home in advance. Modern life gone mad at its finest. What happened in the 1970s for goodness sake!