Is my DH's request reasonable?

[Ihaveneedofwaternear]

I've just come home from work unexpectedly while DH was in the loft WFH. It's not unknown for me to do this, as I work in the community and home can be closer than the office so sometimes I do my notes at home.

DH has just come down and asked that I text him up in the loft whenever I get back, as otherwise he hears someone moving around downstairs and is worried. I shouted hello when I came in, but he didn't hear.

Do you think that's an unreasonable request?

If he's that bothered surely locking the front door would go quite a way to relieving his worry that some random was wandering through the house while he's WFH?

If he’s worried about intruders then he should be locking the door, whether he’s in the loft or elsewhere. If I was married to a nice man I would be perfectly happy to send a text to give him the heads up that I was unexpectedly on my way home. If I was not married to a nice man - my ex husband for example - I would assume that he wanted advance notice of my returning home so that he could stop doing something he shouldn’t be doing. Best case scenario - playing Medal of Honour in his pants when he is supposed to be working. Worst case scenario - cheating on me. Not saying that your husband isn’t nice husband in which case just send the text, but I’ve been stung by my ex-husband’s duplicity!

He lived at home at the time. He’s moved out now but still has a key.

I assume all the people who are telling the OP she is BU don't have children / family members who come and go ad hoc from a household? Would you expect everyone who lives in the house to give you a heads up they are arriving when you have multiple people in and out?

If I hear someone in my house, my first assumption is it's someone who lives here and has keys, not that it's something to worry about?

Is your DH always so dramatic @Ihaveneedofwaternear ? And he doesn't lock the door? Jeez! The solution is so bloody simple isn't it? Lock the door and if you hear someone downstairs its going to be the other person who lives in the house and has keys!

I can see both sides.
I’d probably roll my eyes if DH asked this as seems a bit daft. But I’d say something like ‘I’ll try and remember to as it bothers you, but I may forget’.
I work 45 minutes from home and DH likes a text to say I’m on my way back as he worries about me driving. After a 10 hour shift, if sometimes forget and he’d get really grumpy! So I stopped as it wasn’t a reliable system anyway 😂
Told him to download the car app and then he can see where I am from that 😶

Everyone is so dramatic on Mumsnet 😂 if he's worried he can check if you've come home. If I was in his position that's what I'd do. Or I'd just assume my partner had come home

Why can’t she just txt? Takes no time effort or expense.

I think that's just silly in all honesty. In all the houses I've lived in and in all the different situations - living with family, house shares, marriage - I've never need to announce my arrival into my own house.

And especially not to someone already in the same house 😆

Get a Ring doorbell. That way he knows who is coming in and if he needs to bother coming down to answer the door etc

But it does. I need to remember to do it, that's the main thing, and then do it every time, which is relatively often. It's small, I guess, but it's not nothing

Well if he can’t hear you shout then it’s completely pointless and therefore something else is indeed required.

Nah. I couldn't be bothered with texting "I'm home" every time I got in. If he's worried, he can text you and ask you.

If he's worried, he should lock the door.

It's a very reasonable request. I don't see why you have a problem with it.

Of course he could and should still lock the doors if he is going to be upstairs, but it would still be reassuring to know that the sounds you hear from downstairs come from the person they are supposed to be from.

I remember once when I was about 20 years old, so mid 1980s. My parents were away on holiday and my sister was away with her boyfriend, unsure when or which day she would be back. So I was alone in the house. I locked up well and went to bed. In the small hours of the morning I woke up to hear people creeping around the house.

I was nearly sure it was my sister and her boyfriend but I was still terrified just in case it wasn't. I was too scared to go and see and got no further sleep that night. It turned out that it was them and they had been trying not to wake me up. I did understand the sentiment but I said that I would have preferred them to have called out to me because of how creepy it felt, even though the doors had been locked and I thought it probably had to be them. I'm 59 now and I still remember it very clearly.

So, I am with your husband here. A text will take hardly any time at all. Why wouldn't you?

You’re not. Be kind. Drop him a text.

Probably because if he was THAT worried he could actually, you know… lock the door. Or stick his head out and check. Rather than leaving it to you to “reassure” him, which doesn’t actually make up for actual safety. Like you know, locking the door would.

This is a totally different situation, though

Just go upstairs and yell loud enough so he hears you 🗣

HIBcompletelyR

Either you go straightaway to say hello to him, not just shout from the door, or you text as he requested.

It's trivial, it's respectful and its affectionate. YABU to consider it one more job.

If I get home and someone’s already home (during waking hours) then I announce it on our smart speaker. It seems polite to let people know, but my children do not return the courtesy!

Shout a bit louder when you come in until he shouts back? Knock the door loudly in a pattern or ring the bell in a special sequence.

Wait, he doesn’t lock the door when he's in the loft and he thinks it's you that's being unreasonable because you don't text him when you come in?

Why do I need to announce my arrival in any way at all?! I guess we are all just different, I can't imagine announcing my arrival on a smart speaker 🤣

I'm wondering now how he can hear you pottering about in the house but couldn't hear you when you shouted Hello...

And a lot of burglaries are of opportunists trying doors to see if they'll open rather than sophisticated break-ins by professional burglars who've been scoping your house out for a few days. It's worth making sure the doors are locked so some random herbert looking for a few easily grabbed valuables to fuel their weed habit is thwarted. And if you do fall victim to this, your household insurance will be void because your house isn't secure.

Don't know how to vote - he is not unreasonable.

I WFH and hate if somebody comes in the door without letting me know. I am happy for DH or DS to shouts 'hello, it's me' or text me. But yes, if I hear noises downstairs when I think there shouldn't be anybody in I would worry about burglars.