Is my DH's request reasonable?

[Ihaveneedofwaternear]

I've just come home from work unexpectedly while DH was in the loft WFH. It's not unknown for me to do this, as I work in the community and home can be closer than the office so sometimes I do my notes at home.

DH has just come down and asked that I text him up in the loft whenever I get back, as otherwise he hears someone moving around downstairs and is worried. I shouted hello when I came in, but he didn't hear.

Do you think that's an unreasonable request?

Is that the only thing in life you have to worry about?

How about just shouting "only me!" and if he doesn't hear you, he can shout "darling, is that you?" and you can shout "yep, it's me!" That way no need to have to remember anything and he doesn't have to worry.

No it's not.

Awww 🤗

It's a bit paranoid IMO. How does he think we all managed in the days before mobile phones - sent telegrams? No we got a grip. If you live with other people you can assume there will be times when they will enter the home unexpectedly.

If he can't cope with the idea that you may come home during the day (which presumably you often do) then perhaps he shouldn't go into the loft until he's got everyone in the house and their exact location plotted on a chart.

But he's working? He could be in the middle of a meeting. I'm often also still working, and I don't want to have to trek up 2 flights of stairs to let him know I'm home when he'll find out soon enough when he hears me or comes down.

I know it's trivial and I'm being petty and sounds like I'm being unkind to him. I also know it's dramatic. It's just really irritated me, even more so because he's so annoyed about it

Oh my god this is EXACTLY it!!!

I think you should definitely warn him that you're coming in, so as to give him time to get his floozy out of the window and down the rope-ladder before you go upstairs.

If your responses to him were anything like your responses here, it’s easy to understand why he’d be annoyed.

If you made a small, perfectly reasonable request and he responded with (in your words) pettiness, unkindness and drama - wouldn’t you be annoyed with him?

It is - unsure when they'd come home, you'd locked up for the nights early hours of the morning. This is the middle of the afternoon, and I come and go often as part of my working day. I get why you would have been freaked out, but it's not the same thing.

It’s your home too. You’re allowed to enter your house without texting/alerting/messaging anyone.

Jeez, it's only a quick message. Hardly a big ask.

I get it - it is the small things that add up. The expectation that if a menial/mental task needs to be done that you will do it or facilitate it. That the easiest way is putting it on your plate rather than figuring out a way to solve it themselves. It also means that if you forget because let’s face it we are human it would be your fault that you stressed him oit

and why isn’t the door locked.

I take it you don’t want a tracker app like life360 (we have it for the teenagers) so he could look and see you were home if he heard noise?

Don't be daft.

and before mobile phones/modern tech, we'd have bothered our less lazy arses to go & say hello, I still would. If for some reason I couldn't, these days I'd definitely text. 'Kettles on' probably!

I wasn't like that to him. I actually laughed, which probably was irritating, and said "I think that's a bit mad, having to text every time I come now". He's the one that then got really annoyed and now I'm in limbo of feeling bad that he's annoyed but also kind of feeling justified in my response and that he's the one being dramatic. I do feel defensive on this thread, probably because I was expecting most people to be on my side 🤣🤣

That's so cute 😭

It would annoy me too. I’d probably start letting him know I was just going out to put the bin out, just back inside from putting the bin out, just popping out to the car, just got back from getting something from the car, just flushed the loo in case he heard water and thought it was a burst pipe…

My house is not just my DH’s workplace it’s my home, I live in it and I would refuse to message telling someone I was in it. It’s controlling and weird. If he doesn’t like it I’d be telling him to go out to an office where he needn’t worry about such things.

Yes, of course it's a reasonable request. I would be freaked out if I thought I was alone and heard noises downstairs. Clearly he didn't hear you when you shouted up.

Sounds fair to me

Cant believe his mob on him permanently?
He’s being weird imho.

It's totally reasonable, what's your issue with it?

The alternative would be Why does he lock the door, what is he hiding?
Damned if he does/doesnt

I can't believe so many people are so terrified of their own family members coming into the homes they actually live in! Wtf

Stick to your guns OP, he's being ridiculous

No, I'd much prefer him to lock the door!!!

Given in my street we’ve had 18m of regular day time break ins (2-4 weekly) and I walked in on the burglars in a neighbours (thought it was just the cleaners who’d set the alarm off and, yes, they were armed with crow bars)…. I’d say it was a perfectly reasonable thing to ask if you could let him now when you are home. Everyone in our family calls out a hello, or whatsapps the household if they are working/on zoom calls, when coming in. It’s the caring and considerate thing to do to let someone you supposedly love rest easy whilst working.