Does her DH have somewhere to land??

[CallMeMessy]

BFF. Been with her DH for 25 years +, we know them both well, seemed really solid but he has suddenly announced he wants to separate with no real reason given. They have 3 DC, youngest is 8. She’s been completely caught unaware by DHs sudden request to call it a day.
Does he have someone else in the picture?? The cynic in me says yes because I don’t know a single couple where the man didn’t have someone else when he was the one to end the relationship. Either having an affair outright or someone waiting in the wings.

YANBU - he’s got someone else in mind/ having an affair

YABU - you’re a cynic! Sometimes it’s just as it seems and he’s got other reasons.

YANBU. Willing to bet.

Or... its a DV situation and she's not able/comfortable sharing.

It’s definitely not DV.

If it's a totally unexpected announcement and he has given no reason and hasn't expressed any unhappiness with his marriage prior to this decision and has no intention of them trying to work on their marriage then I think another woman lurking in the wings is a pretty safe bet

Or maybe there have been signs that she didnt see, or is actively choosing to ignore

The only other reason I’ve seen on here is the man wanting to go and work overseas and he ditched the wife and kids to have fun as a single.

He’s already having the affair. Nailed on.

I’d place money on there being signs she ignored or didn’t see rather than affair. An affair is usually pretty obvious in the lead up, by the time asking for divorce is approaching at least. Constant pleas for help in returning the relationship to a stable course, always, always overlooked, and one party is always blindsided, some crazy how!

Or maybe he's just unhappy

Got the ick perhaps, and sees no way back

He can end the relationship for any reason he wants

It’s a marriage with three children. I doubt anyone breezily says Oh ok, no probs you can leave us for no particular reason and we’re all chill with it.

It wouldn't be for no reason though would it. Being unhappy in the relationship is reason enough.

It wouldn't be for no reason though would it. Being unhappy in the relationship is reason enough.

Not always. It wasn't obvious in my case at all.
It was a typical Script situation going from "I should never have married you. It was all a mistake" to a week later confessing an affair.

We had been parenting as usual, still sleeping together, socialising, doing all the usual stuff.
So I would say there aren't always glaring signs & from posts I have seen on MN I don't think I am alone in that experience.

Unfortunately I’d agree with you OP.

I do think people end marriages for other reasons, but typically when it comes out of the blue and sudden it is because there is another person in the picture.

I would think death by a thousand cuts.
He hasn’t been happy and she hasn’t been told/noticed.

I think most likely he has met someone else.

Of course it's another woman.

💯 has had he's head turned .. I've never known a man to leave without someone waiting in the wings

Men hardly ever leave without 'somewhere to land'.

Of course...always is.

Could be any reason. Do all women leave a marriage because they're having affairs?

Perhaps after 25 years he thinks he's simply become part of the furniture and wants out.

No. Because- brace yourself- men women are different!!

It’s this one I think as we know them both really well, and see them both separately… all our mutual friends are genuinely shocked too.
One suggested he’s having some kind of breakdown… that’s how out of the blue it seems

Well, yeah so the female friends we know who were the instigators of a break up were fed up for various reasons but no other parties involved but the other 7/8 break ups were men having affairs… perhaps just the people we know. Obvs women cheat too but the ones we know, long term married, kids who’s DHs left the DHs all had side pieces…

If youre unhappy in a marriage, that's a reason to leave whether you're man or woman.

This place is LTB central. It should go both ways. If he has an affair, that's cowardly af and another matter.