Bed situation. Weekend away.

[Puffalicious]

I'm going away for the weekend for my sister's big birthday, Fri-Sun.

Background is that I really don't want to go - I'm not a fan of 'enforced fun', drinking all weekend & 'girly' pursuits (as they call it) - hot-tub, nail salon, games, themes etc- but I felt I needed to go or there would be raised brows & bad feeling. I already do not go to the annual weekend away with my sisters & female cousins due to these very reasons, & didn't attend niece's abroad hen (went to home hen)- I plainly cite that it's 'Not my thing, but hope you have a lovely time & send lots of photos'. I did go to the cousin's one last autumn as it was in the UK, but didn't really enjoy it & was thankful I could wild swim/ go walks to have a bit of chill time.

Anyway, back to this weekend. It's both my sisters & sister-in-law, & each have a daughter (my nieces- ranging in age 19-30), so 7 in total including me (I have 3 sons so none of them attending). I've just found out there's only 6 beds!!! No mention of this beforehand. WhatsApp chat has mentioned we need to toss a coin for the sofa!

I'm just not doing it. Although i love them all dearly, I already don't fancy going & don't want to sleep badly all ruddy weekend. We've all paid the same- not a little amount. DN (30) has a fractured foot, so she can't go on the sofa.

YABU - take your turn on the sofa, suck it up.

YANBU- message the chat in some way. If so, what do i write?

Your loyalty to your family for this occasion is commendable, op, especially as I suspect that although they love you (I hope !) they probably see you as a bit of a stick in the mud. What’s the room set up? 3 rooms sleeping 2 in each? 2 rooms sleeping 3 in each? Whatever it is your WhatsApp should let everyone know that as they well know - you are an early bedder, so whatever arrangements have to be made for Hopalong (don’t say that btw) you need a bed for your beauty sleep while everyone else is crashing and burning. Be assertive. No compromise. No argument on this. (why can’t Hoppy sleep on the sofa, btw?) Most importantly- get yourself a decent pair of earplugs. Seriously. Also, you might suss out the location to see if it offers a pleasant earlyish morning walking opportunity which you can enjoy before you return to pick your way through the previous night’s debris in the flat and make coffee and dispense paracetamol for the invalids. Be brave. Best of Luck !

I would definitely take the camper. Then you have a place to escape to and a comfy bed

Take the camper van? Claim insomnia and sleep in the van?

Thank you for this. I read the message by binge and after a long, stressful day at work, then coming home to an upset, dysregulated DS on my own (DH away until tomorrow night) it hit as really nasty. Thankfully I'm resilient & strong & it's water off a duck's back what a stranger thinks, but it does remind you how people's words could really upset other users who are feeling more vulnerable for whatever reason. It's really not okay.

If you have to go. I am not sure what the question is. You would avoid anyone sleeping on a sofa at all by not going. People like you for you and not just the weekend.
There may be others who feel the same and like you say nothing publicly.
Life is short to always fit in with others.
Be you.

I don’t understand why you can’t simply be honest and say you don’t want to go, it’s not your type of weekend at all, love to them all, and now there is enough beds for everyone!

If your family get funny with you, then they are being unreasonable, which is even more reason for you to avoid spending time with them. The whole weekend sounds like a nightmare to me.

Idon’t drink alcohol any more either, and being the only sober one amongst drunk people is so boring! I am an introvert and the weekend sounds like an extrovert fest, which would absolutely drain me.

Forcing yourself to do something that you really don’t want to do, and is optional (unlike say cleaning or food shopping!) is not good for anyone’s peace.

Don’t do it, OP!

Your family need to learn to accept you as you really are, and you need to be true to yourself.

If you don't like these sort of events don't go. I don't either. Just say sorry you can't go but wish them well & add that it will be great they all have a bed so needn't worry about sofa sleeping.

I wouldn’t go to sleep on a sofa having paid the same, especially as you are not really into it

Whoever booked it should take the sofa. They failed to.check out the bed situation.

Thanks to all who have commented.

To those commenting that I'm a 'stick in the mud' / no fun"/ 'ND' / 'a damp squib' / 'an early bedder'- absolutely none of that is true. Out of everyone I've by far had the wildest, least conventional & most adventurous life. I'm out-spoken & LIKE going out. I'm a night owl & stay up too late (decades of clubbing changed my.body clock - I'm convinced!) BUT I'm very much of the view that I DID the wild & it was brilliant, but I like a slower pace of life with other priorities now. DH is very similar- he'd rather not drink so he can be out on a mountain bike with our boys the next day.

We have a DS with significant ASN, & our lives are very much ruled by this. We get exhausted mentally & physically, & need to allow each other to rest. I'm good at recognising that. I'm also good at scheduling my fun carefully with DH/ the boys/ my brilliant friends ' I'm discerning with what I do. THIS time I decided to go as it's my sister's significant birthday. It's to make her happy. I have not said I look down on anyone & their choices, it's just not very me.

Thanks again all. I'm taking the camper. The suggestion to perhaps use the mattress in the lodge is an excellent one too.

Why don’t you just be honest and say sorry, just not for me, but have a wonderful time.

I’m an introvert so completely on the same page as you. I just find honesty serves me best. If people genuinely care about you they will understand. If they are going to be judgmental then surely you don’t need them in your life? 🤷‍♀️

I would say that you won't want to stay up drinking so you need not to have the sofa bed. It's completely fine to say that you want to go to bed early so don't want to sleep on the sofa. That's logical, it's not some excuse.

I've said that THIS time I'm going- I made that decision. I'm not an introvert, I'm very much an extrovert, but one who needs rest due to a harder than average home life, & who's not that into 'girly ' stuff.

Going because I love someone isn't me being a push-over.

The suggestion that I stop seeing my family because we're different is so extreme! Families need flexibility- perhaps the lack of this is why many don't survive the years?

I've said no to 2 breaks already this year - they know it's not my thing- but as this is short with not as much planned 'fun' they thought I'd feel I could go.

I'm signing out now.

This

What would annoy me in this situation is the fact that whoever booked this jaunt knew full well that there weren't enough beds but didn't check with you all that this was OK before committing. Also it's most unlikely that the owner of the place will have agreed to someone sleeping on the sofa, so there could be problems there too.
You are famous for being outspoken, so why not be outspoken about this? 'It's not fair Emily for you to spring this on us now. I'm not willing to take the sofa and I won't be coming if I have to. The only person who knew this would happen is you, so you should take the sofa'.
The others might be relieved and thank you, or else won't care and offer to take it instead.

Just cancel the night before - say you have a stomach upset. I think you'll regret going!

Say you’re sick, no one can argue with that. Just don’t post on social media that weekend, to support the narrative.

They see your camper van as “ roughing it “ , (I’d love to have a camper van ) , but sleeping on a couch or air bed , Far superior 🤔 !
I’d either A = Don’t go
B = Bring my camper van
. C = Hotel room …
These are your options …

Some of the comments on this post are really irritating. No one would tell a poster who didn’t like folk music or museums that they were a stick in the mud and a bore but someone who doesn’t want to join in the ‘larf’ is labelled as such.

Some people just do find nails, bubbles and dancing to Wham fun

In this situation, being close to the nieces' ages, I would share a bed with my cousin, or my mum. (Assuming they are double beds).

Otherwise I agree with @Account734 , whoever booked it without telling you there weren't enough beds can take the sofa.

Fine. But why ask for advice and then throw it back in people’s faces?

Just don’t go if you don’t want to 🤷‍♀️ I’ve got a weekend away coming up with three friends and I’m looking forward to it apart from the sleeping arrangements. I snore really badly and it’s looking like I may have to share with my bestie. I just feel really bad that I’ll probably keep her awake 😦 I’m currently trying to find a place with an extra bedroom and I don’t even mind if it costs a bit more as I’ll pay the extra!

I categorically cannot skip the trip, or go to a hotel- I'd be enemy number 1 & it's just not worth it.

"Sorry, I've got Covid. Can you believe it? After all this time? Yes, I know! Still going round, apparently. Terrible headache and fever this morning, no cough yet, but I had a test left over, so I took it, and there it was, sodding big black stripe. Called 111, they said it's probably the Andromeda variant, cough will appear soon, best to self-isolate 72 hours. Love to the nieces!"

My friend got an en suite bedroom for her uni halls by claiming she had chronic diarrhoea.

Fractured ankle? lol

You've got haemorrhoids so no sofa for you!

Politely, I asked for advice about the sleeping arrangements, not whether to go or not, or my relationship with my family.

I have not thrown it back in people's faces- embroidery much? This place is so reactionary & dramatic.