Bed situation. Weekend away.

[Puffalicious]

I'm going away for the weekend for my sister's big birthday, Fri-Sun.

Background is that I really don't want to go - I'm not a fan of 'enforced fun', drinking all weekend & 'girly' pursuits (as they call it) - hot-tub, nail salon, games, themes etc- but I felt I needed to go or there would be raised brows & bad feeling. I already do not go to the annual weekend away with my sisters & female cousins due to these very reasons, & didn't attend niece's abroad hen (went to home hen)- I plainly cite that it's 'Not my thing, but hope you have a lovely time & send lots of photos'. I did go to the cousin's one last autumn as it was in the UK, but didn't really enjoy it & was thankful I could wild swim/ go walks to have a bit of chill time.

Anyway, back to this weekend. It's both my sisters & sister-in-law, & each have a daughter (my nieces- ranging in age 19-30), so 7 in total including me (I have 3 sons so none of them attending). I've just found out there's only 6 beds!!! No mention of this beforehand. WhatsApp chat has mentioned we need to toss a coin for the sofa!

I'm just not doing it. Although i love them all dearly, I already don't fancy going & don't want to sleep badly all ruddy weekend. We've all paid the same- not a little amount. DN (30) has a fractured foot, so she can't go on the sofa.

YABU - take your turn on the sofa, suck it up.

YANBU- message the chat in some way. If so, what do i write?

Fellow clubbers & now 'old' teachers ahoy! The Creanfields comment was indeed from a 6th year (I'm in Scotland, so equivalent of 6th form). It's sweet that they think they've discovered stuff.

My own DS was 'shocked 'age 14 when he discovered I'd been to many a Radiohead gig- he thought he'd discovered a niche band 🤣. Bless.

i haven’t read the whole thread, but I’d do everything possible to skip the event. It sounds like you’d hate it and life is Too Short. Now I’m post menopausal, it is SO much easier to say a diplomatic “no” and not people please (OP, I’m not suggesting you’re a people pleaser)

Yhe, went away with my niece last year and I was excited to not sleep on the sofa… there’s enough beds for everyone now… kids these days don’t know the real struggle

Come down with a violent vomiting bug. Don’t go.

Slightly off topic, but I was wondering if you could tell me which campervan you have @Puffalicious ?

For me, you sound like you'd be fun to hang out with. I hope you have a good time with your family.

Hey Op, I’m glad you have found your solution and that some Mumsnetters were actually able to suggest solutions rather than address questions that weren’t asked. Don’t get me started on the rude, name calling ones! If I’m being generous, I’d say that some got carried away thinking you were being put upon, or that they were projecting.
I hope you enjoy seeing your family, have a good time and escape the bits which aren’t to your taste.

I wouldn't go either...

Edited after reading updates from OP. I clearly misunderstood the intent of the post..

😂😂😂😂😂😂 innit

Honestly I hate when people genuinely ask for advice on here because they do not want to upset their family and just want to share their feelings with others who supposedly "won't judge" them but all that happens is just rude comments and judgement all over from certain individuals. They don't even know the person that's posting and instead of giving advice, they are quick to call you sorts.. I guess you have to laugh at it all, otherwise it's very sad!
Just to say that OP you sound like a lovely person. I would happily spend the weekend with someone so considerate like you! Good luck whatever you decided! X

Fairly obvsly, this was a deliberate accomodation booking, they knew you wouldn’t be going anyway, so just don’t go again? Frankly, I tend to b like you, am always happiest on my own.

Take the camper.
I cannot understand why you have to plan around whether your DH 'might' or 'might not' want the camper. You want it. You said it first. That is that surely?

And go for one night instead of two.

They will whinge about you anyway as its not your thing so let them. Who cares.

And next time FGS don't put your name in the hat to go.

OP, you sound like a legend! Hats off to you for having this much self awareness to assert yourself like this and balance your own needs with wanting to show up for your family. The camper is the perfect solution and they sound very lucky to have a sister like you.

Op, there are some prize wankers on this thread trying to do the mean girl /blase cool mum thing via snippy comments.

I hope you haveas mich of a fab weekend as possible, take the camper van and late Saturday night when the shrieking and drunken daftness has got well under way, pack up and sneak off home!

Don't forget to put on Magic FM for some beige background music as you've clearly been deemed uncool by the sneering try hards 😎

You know what, it doesn't matter whether we know them or not. I'm just about sick of people deciding what is and isn't fun, and then the minority of us having to suck it up and play along - often paying through the nose for it, too! Put your flipping foot down and say you don't enjoy those things, and you'd happily plan a different activity for the two of you, or a smaller group, or whatever you fancy. Even if it's just a quiet afternoon tea, quality time is special.

Fuck being bullied. If they're going to kick off and cut you off because of this then great, freedom for you!

You know what, it doesn't matter whether we know them or not. I'm just about sick of people deciding what is and isn't fun, and then the minority of us having to suck it up and play along - often paying through the nose for it, too! Put your flipping foot down and say you don't enjoy those things, and you'd happily plan a different activity for the two of you, or a smaller group, or whatever you fancy. Even if it's just a quiet afternoon tea, quality time is special.

Fuck being bullied. If they're going to kick off and cut you off because of this then great, freedom for you!

I cannot comprehend the number of posters convinced it is totally normal adult behaviour to only attend things they like. The self absorption is so alien to me

i went on a narrow boat weekend for my dads 70th, my idea of hell, I did it because I love him and I respect his enjoyment coming before mine on his birthday

It’s a long weekend, not eternal purgatory

y

Ha! You're so very right. Ironically the 'I'm so fucking cool it hurts' people are invariably rather boring, & don't, in fact, have a very good time.when they're out.

I'm a Smooth Chill radio gal😉.

Some absolutely lovely comments on this last page. Thank you. I go forth buoyed & ready for maximum cringe fun!

OP, just to say I think you are v cool, kind and wise. I’m glad you have a solution to the bed issue.

No bother at all. We have a Mazda Bongo called Barry Bongo 😀. They're affordable & very compact so can fit places, but still sleep 4. We love him. We got it to accommodate DS3 really, as holidays can be tricky as he doesn't like new places or change, so we thought we'd take his comforts with us.

You can get all sorts of configurations , we customised ours inside ourselves. There's an utterly brilliant FB page called -'Women with Bongos' which is so welcoming & a source of amazing knowledge. They do meet ups if you're into that sort of thing, many for women only. 👍

That's possibly quite the loveliest comment I've ever had from a stranger. Very unmumsnetty & much appreciated. 🙏

I actually wanted to say the same, sound like my kind of person & actually the kind of mum I’d like to be.

Being kind and putting others’ needs first (sis big birthday) doesn’t make you a pushover & tapping out when the people you love have one too many, start shrieking, stop listening properly & become argumentative/emotional doesn’t make you a stick in the mud!

hope you enjoy the weekend, family time is so special - though treasure your sanctuary in Barry 🤣

Ah, thank you. Do you actually know my sisters? 🤣 The shrieking, not listening, becoming emotional & argumentative is actually so accurate 🤣.

Barry is the best. I talk to him & everything 😆

Im not anti social and love a girly weekend and a drink but sleep so badly anywhere but my own bed that camper van sounds a perfect solution even if there was a bed!

A familiar space, your own pillows, no listening to others nocturnal movements and toileting.

(Written late & awake on holiday putting off going to bed for a restless night in an unfamiliar bed…. I might have an issue 🙈)

I think you're doing well sharing a room OP

Isn’t there a “sickness bug” going around that you just might catch….?