Bed situation. Weekend away.

[Puffalicious]

I'm going away for the weekend for my sister's big birthday, Fri-Sun.

Background is that I really don't want to go - I'm not a fan of 'enforced fun', drinking all weekend & 'girly' pursuits (as they call it) - hot-tub, nail salon, games, themes etc- but I felt I needed to go or there would be raised brows & bad feeling. I already do not go to the annual weekend away with my sisters & female cousins due to these very reasons, & didn't attend niece's abroad hen (went to home hen)- I plainly cite that it's 'Not my thing, but hope you have a lovely time & send lots of photos'. I did go to the cousin's one last autumn as it was in the UK, but didn't really enjoy it & was thankful I could wild swim/ go walks to have a bit of chill time.

Anyway, back to this weekend. It's both my sisters & sister-in-law, & each have a daughter (my nieces- ranging in age 19-30), so 7 in total including me (I have 3 sons so none of them attending). I've just found out there's only 6 beds!!! No mention of this beforehand. WhatsApp chat has mentioned we need to toss a coin for the sofa!

I'm just not doing it. Although i love them all dearly, I already don't fancy going & don't want to sleep badly all ruddy weekend. We've all paid the same- not a little amount. DN (30) has a fractured foot, so she can't go on the sofa.

YABU - take your turn on the sofa, suck it up.

YANBU- message the chat in some way. If so, what do i write?

Or one of the youngsters takes the sofa. Surely none of them would want their "old aunty" sleeping on the sofa?

Yes I was going to say that too.. "Girls, I know you love to stay up late on the bubbles and having fun, as I'm not a great drinker I don't want to be trying to sleep on the sofa in the middle of that and being a damper on your celebration.. So I would really appreciate being in one of the bedrooms so that i can go to be early if need be.... and see what the response is..
If that doesn't work I'd be saying I've pulled a muscle in my back and I really need to rest in the warm at home.

What’s offensive about saying directly and politely what works, and doesn’t for you? You’ve made the same financial contribution etc. It’s not rude to be upfront.

Grow a pair.

Stay at home.

Life’s too short for this crap.

Say that given you will be likely 1st to bed, doesn’t make sense for you to have the sofa. Hopefully that guarantees you a bed.

Just be honest. They’re family! Don’t ask for money back though

You're right, it's not rude, I just know my sisters, & I've made this concession to go & suck it up, just looking for ways to navigate. I've found a solution to take the camper- all good.

Thanks for your contribution. I have a pair. Life's too short to upset my family- I'm making a decision to go to make them happy.

Can you dri,ve back home sat night as you won't be drinking - you reduce beds required and dh reall, really, really needs thatcsmper first thing sunday morning do you absolutely have to head off!

I agree
i also think it’s perfectly normal to do things with your family for their happiness, even if you hate it yourself

so much self centred selfishness in some of these responses, it’s one weekend that your sister clearly wants to do for her birthday

I would suggest all the nieces in a room together with a blow up

then the sisters can share beds

im 54 and quite happily share a double with my sisters, even my mum !

You’re projecting and sound bitter. You being lonely is not the ops problem.

Thank you. Yes, I think it's normal to do things you dislike a bit for others to be happy. I do plenty to suit myself most of the time!

Right to the heart of it there!

Surely one of the nieces will end up on the sofa?
I cannot imagine at any age taking a bed while my mum or aunty slept on the lounge

Agreed. It is a shame when people doing things for love, and not always putting themselves first is castigated as miserable, feeble etc.

Yeah I think maybe you’re a person that’s family don’t bother with, you sound very bitter.

@Puffalicious I’m team camper van, sounds perfect! The snuggling down with the very distant sound of hilarity from the house, but not having to get involved in enforced wackiness.

I can’t understand why you were invited OP. The disparaging manner in which you speak of everyone else going (your family presumably)? does not seem kind..
I would imagine that your thoughts will be picked up on, if not already.
Maybe they are asking you out of politeness? I’m sure no one will be too disappointed if you don’t go.

Just explain that you have a bad back. No one would be surprised. There’s no point being a martyr when deep down, they are probably hoping that you don’t go.

Sofa bed for a reason maybe?

Soda bed for a reason? What do you mean by that?

But no one said that the soda was for the OP, they’d said draw straws initially and then the DN said she’d take it.

No indication that they all decided let’s tell OP she’s on the sofa, because we’ve decided that.

That was just a nasty comment from @bingewatchingnetflix to be unkind to OP and make her feel like the others didn’t want her there anyway.

Quite unkind and not even the case….

Correct!
Because OP sounds like exactly the type of person you would want joining on a weekend away.
She thinks she’s doing everyone a favour by turning up.. Jesus wept!
OP doesn’t want to go.. this I’m sure is obvious to everyone. They probably feel the same.
Maybe some honesty here would save a lot of hassle and ill feeling down the line.
Respecting each others differences, by both parties.

But op has already said that it would cause issues if she didn’t go, they want her to go, that’s the issue!

So are you actually saying they’ve all ganged up and engineered this, rather than giving OP the option to not go gracefully?

IE “we’re doing this, maybe not your cup
of tea, but you’re are of course welcome to join in the bits that you like”. We know you’re not a drinker so understand when the bubbles flow you’ll retire to your bed.

You actually think they’ve organised this, taken money and faux amongst themselves let’s get six beds and hopefully OP will get the hint that she’s not welcome anyway.

Christ, with friends like you who needs enemies!

People are allowed to enjoy different things, OP
is not a person to enjoy enforced drinking and “fun”. But is happy to cook for everyone Friday night and let them enjoy it.

No where is it indicated that OP will get the sofa bed to ensure she doesn’t attend.

So, your niece has offered to take the sofa.
That solves your problems.
Take your own doona and pillow and you can have a great sleep in any of the bedrooms, Op.

Can you take a campbed and say 'ive found the perfect solution, I've got my campbed and so I'll be sleeping in x room with x. As you know I like to go to bed early so staying in the living room isn't an option'
My campbed (decathlon) is more comfy than most beds.