Bed situation. Weekend away.

[Puffalicious]

I'm going away for the weekend for my sister's big birthday, Fri-Sun.

Background is that I really don't want to go - I'm not a fan of 'enforced fun', drinking all weekend & 'girly' pursuits (as they call it) - hot-tub, nail salon, games, themes etc- but I felt I needed to go or there would be raised brows & bad feeling. I already do not go to the annual weekend away with my sisters & female cousins due to these very reasons, & didn't attend niece's abroad hen (went to home hen)- I plainly cite that it's 'Not my thing, but hope you have a lovely time & send lots of photos'. I did go to the cousin's one last autumn as it was in the UK, but didn't really enjoy it & was thankful I could wild swim/ go walks to have a bit of chill time.

Anyway, back to this weekend. It's both my sisters & sister-in-law, & each have a daughter (my nieces- ranging in age 19-30), so 7 in total including me (I have 3 sons so none of them attending). I've just found out there's only 6 beds!!! No mention of this beforehand. WhatsApp chat has mentioned we need to toss a coin for the sofa!

I'm just not doing it. Although i love them all dearly, I already don't fancy going & don't want to sleep badly all ruddy weekend. We've all paid the same- not a little amount. DN (30) has a fractured foot, so she can't go on the sofa.

YABU - take your turn on the sofa, suck it up.

YANBU- message the chat in some way. If so, what do i write?

Don't go. I'd say this sofa situation is perfect opportunity to wiggle out. I'd say something like I'm so exhausted from work I don't think I'd be able to stay up past 9pm so cancel the draw for the couch- I volunteer to sit out for the team

Sudden and unexpected illness the day before.

If you bring the camper you also have the option of pulling in the mattress and putting it in one of the rooms.That way you don’t have to share a bed - but I think your main concern was the sofa bed anyway.

Hope you all don’t get chucked out for taking the piss by having too many people in accommodation clearly meant for fewer people. Probably not allowed to park a camper van there either- this is someone’s business!

I would rather eat my own hands than go to something like this @Puffalicious

The walks and the cold water swimming is my idea of a good time though.

Could you get 'Covid' the day before.

I hate these things.
I wouldn’t go.
I wouldn’t go if there were going to be kittens brushing my hair while I sleep.
Just tell them you aren’t going.
End of.
But tell me - why can’t your niece sleep on the sofa because of her broken ankle?
Does she sleep on her feet or something?

This is the perfect solution. I think your need trumps your DH in this circumstance. Sorted.

It's not about whether you enjoy the activities though. It's being there for your sister.
canpervan perfect solution and you can always retreat to it if it gets too much (I'm assuming some form of ND overload)

Do you give in to bullies? Hopefully not so don't give in now. Ridiculous. If they are off with you for cancelling then stay away from them. Or go and stop moaning about it.

Apologies of its already been said but maybe take an air bed for someone so no one has to sleep in the living area.

Not as adults it doesn’t. I could imagine being in my 50s and still having to take the shit deal because I was the youngest

OP just say at your age and with your back there is no way you can sleep anywhere but in a bed.

backs are way more relevant than a foot. Why does a foot make a sofa impossible?

just state it as fact. A done deal.

‘ at my age (use it. Dang we deserve to with all the negativity around aging!) and with my stiff back I’m going to have to sleep in a bed. You lot can toss a coin’

Just seen this update. Well done all

Sounds to me like the perfect reason not to go!

You could use this to say as there are not enough beds, you will stay at home so that everyone who goes gets a bed and you will catch up with them all for a drink when they return.

TBH OP I'm totally with you, I would rather stick pins in my eyes then go on these sort of forced fun times

In these situations, and as you all know each other well, I find total honesty is best. You might be surprised how accommodating they will be.

Ignore my last, just seen that it's one you can't get out of.

Just have a last minute illness OP and don’t go. Why do people insist on making people attend things they don’t want to? Say you have a 24hr sickness bug. Sorted x

It’ll be so very kind and noble of you to deny yourself all that fun, so that NObody will have to sleep on the sofa!

Can;'t you have some deadlines to meet for your job or a course you are taking so can't make it? Sounds like a horrible weekend to me.

I would say hey put me in for sofa first night and I will arrive next day!!

If people have any common courtesy, it should always be one of the youngest people who take the sofa. In fact, one of them should volunteer to do that on arrival - you’d have to be a twat to expect one of the older mums/aunts to take it.

As a back-up, I think it’s fine to say “As you know, I’ll be going to bed at 10pm as usual and leaving you ladies to enjoy the rest of the night, so one of the night owls will need to take the sofa”.

Tbh, if they’re all going to be drunk, at least one of them is likely to crash out on the sofa anyway!

Do you allow others to dictate your life all of the time? Surely it's bullying of them to insist you attend something you really don't want to. Personally I would take being enemy number 1 rather than tolerate this situation, something you're paying for too!

OP, I understand your POV. I don't understand why others don't seem to.

Your family know that this sort of weekend isn't your thing, but that you are attending anyway with a good will. They hopefully know you well enough to appreciate that good will and feel warmly towards you (with a helping of them being extra understanding when you quietly make arrangements to make it slightly easier on yourself).

In my experience, people want you to actively be happy about whatever they have planned, or at least reasonably happy/willing to make an effort. What they really hate is someone who turns up with a massive sulky face on and who makes no effort apart from appearing. You sound like one of the former variety of people (i.e. reasonably willing), so I don't see that you're doing anything wrong. I hope you have a good time on balance and that it is more enjoyable than predicted :)

Same. The planned activities are really not things that I am into. I would do them for the sake of my sister's birthday. But I would struggle to be cheerful towards the end of the day. If on top of that I also didn't get a decent night sleep, I would be a nightmare to be around. So for their sake and my own I would bow out.

I think your previous response was spot on. I would not go, it sounds tedious and life is too short. Arrange a dinner or cocktails to catch up afterwards.

I'm in teh same position with my friends and family group. I'm the only one without daughters. I like planning stuff my DC and nephews can join in with.

Yep. I suggest a confirmed case of Campylobacter, as you will be contacted by an environmental health officer and probably advised to stay at home.