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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bed situation. Weekend away.

272 replies

Puffalicious · 26/08/2025 19:55

I'm going away for the weekend for my sister's big birthday, Fri-Sun.

Background is that I really don't want to go - I'm not a fan of 'enforced fun', drinking all weekend & 'girly' pursuits (as they call it) - hot-tub, nail salon, games, themes etc- but I felt I needed to go or there would be raised brows & bad feeling. I already do not go to the annual weekend away with my sisters & female cousins due to these very reasons, & didn't attend niece's abroad hen (went to home hen)- I plainly cite that it's 'Not my thing, but hope you have a lovely time & send lots of photos'. I did go to the cousin's one last autumn as it was in the UK, but didn't really enjoy it & was thankful I could wild swim/ go walks to have a bit of chill time.

Anyway, back to this weekend. It's both my sisters & sister-in-law, & each have a daughter (my nieces- ranging in age 19-30), so 7 in total including me (I have 3 sons so none of them attending). I've just found out there's only 6 beds!!! No mention of this beforehand. WhatsApp chat has mentioned we need to toss a coin for the sofa!

I'm just not doing it. Although i love them all dearly, I already don't fancy going & don't want to sleep badly all ruddy weekend. We've all paid the same- not a little amount. DN (30) has a fractured foot, so she can't go on the sofa.

YABU - take your turn on the sofa, suck it up.

YANBU- message the chat in some way. If so, what do i write?

OP posts:
Original poster
Puffalicious · 26/08/2025 22:28

Shego · 26/08/2025 22:05

This seems like the perfect solution, and comes with the added bonus of having an excuse to leave early Sunday morning too.

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This is definitely my plan 👏. Will call accomodation tomorrow to check if I can park the camper. It's very dinky- no bigger than an SUV (obvs taller) & we wild camp around Scotland a good bit (it's allowed lots of places in case anyone gets on their high horse), so shouldn't be a problem.

OP posts:
Gottogetoutofthisplace · 26/08/2025 22:30

This reply has been deleted

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Original poster
Puffalicious · 26/08/2025 22:31

Thisisbetweenyoumeandtheinternet · 26/08/2025 21:26

This is so strange! I’d never want someone at something like this knowing they weren't enjoying it. It all sounds really awkward!

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Nope, not awkward at all. They know I'm cringing at the 'enforced fun' & shite music, but don't know the extent of my dislike. We keep the extremities of our feelings from people we love if it'll hurt them. They'd take it as 'shade' on what they like, so I put up VERY occasionally, then the rest of the time go adventuring in ways I like. All good.
.

OP posts:
Original poster
Puffalicious · 26/08/2025 22:36

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Ha! Such nastiness towards someone you don't know. I always feel that it reflects more on the person judging than the one receiving.

I'm perfectly lovely, thanks, never miserable, just happier doing different things than my sisters- sightseeing, walking, hiking, swimming, folk music, books, museums. It's okay to not all be the same.

My eldest brother is more like me, & that's okay too.

I'll go & cook & chat & have a good laugh, I'll just retire when the going gets too wild for me. But thanks for your concern.

OP posts:
WhyAmISoReal · 26/08/2025 22:38

Puffalicious · 26/08/2025 22:36

Ha! Such nastiness towards someone you don't know. I always feel that it reflects more on the person judging than the one receiving.

I'm perfectly lovely, thanks, never miserable, just happier doing different things than my sisters- sightseeing, walking, hiking, swimming, folk music, books, museums. It's okay to not all be the same.

My eldest brother is more like me, & that's okay too.

I'll go & cook & chat & have a good laugh, I'll just retire when the going gets too wild for me. But thanks for your concern.

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I think it's far more miserable to relish telling someone that the things they like and dislike are wrong, rather than going along with it for the sake of a cheerful shared social experience.

Edit - this was supposed to quote the same post you are responding to but MN on my phone goes silly sometimes.

Original poster
Puffalicious · 26/08/2025 22:42

WhyAmISoReal · 26/08/2025 22:38

I think it's far more miserable to relish telling someone that the things they like and dislike are wrong, rather than going along with it for the sake of a cheerful shared social experience.

Edit - this was supposed to quote the same post you are responding to but MN on my phone goes silly sometimes.

Edited
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Thank you! Shared, social experience is exactly it. We'll be wandering in the nearby town on Saturday, so I'll enjoy the pottering in the nice independent shops & antique place & lunch & cake. I like all of their company, just not when very, very drunk & when I don't have a bed!

OP posts:
99bottlesofkombucha · 26/08/2025 22:46

As there is a younger crowd attending, I’d post ‘I’m not sure about dsil but tossing a coin for sleeping on the sofa will have to for the younger crowd as far as I’m concerned, I’d need you all up and sober to help me up and get me to a physio in the morning. I might have a camper van but it has an extremely comfortable bed, sofas are out.’

WickedElpheba · 26/08/2025 22:50

Account734 · 26/08/2025 20:07

My view is that the person who booked the accommodation that doesn't have enough beds sleeps on the sofa. It was their choice, so they can suffer the poor sleep.

This is what I came to say. The person who booked it either did so knowing there were 7 people and only 6 beds or someone has invited an extra person? If the person who booked it fine to put someone on the sofa without
mentioning it then let them have it.

Original poster
Puffalicious · 26/08/2025 22:50

99bottlesofkombucha · 26/08/2025 22:46

As there is a younger crowd attending, I’d post ‘I’m not sure about dsil but tossing a coin for sleeping on the sofa will have to for the younger crowd as far as I’m concerned, I’d need you all up and sober to help me up and get me to a physio in the morning. I might have a camper van but it has an extremely comfortable bed, sofas are out.’

Lovely DN (23) has just said she doesn't mind the sofa. But I still think I'll take the camper as I bey it'll still be 'straws'.

OP posts:
HappyHedgehog247 · 26/08/2025 22:53

I'd take my camper 😉

Musntapplecrumble · 26/08/2025 22:54

I think you sound lovely, far from miserable, and fair play to you for making the effort 🙂

Xiaoxiong · 26/08/2025 22:56

I wouldn't bother ringing to ask. If it's no bigger than an SUV and you don't need any hookups for it, then just turn up in it as if it was your car you'd driven there. They couldn't turn a car away so why would they turn away your camper.

If you ask you risk them saying no and starting a whole back and forth. I'd show up in the camper as your means of transport.

Imbusytodaysorry · 26/08/2025 22:56

Account734 · 26/08/2025 20:07

My view is that the person who booked the accommodation that doesn't have enough beds sleeps on the sofa. It was their choice, so they can suffer the poor sleep.

I like that thought process !

Ilovelurchers · 26/08/2025 22:57

NurtureGrow · 26/08/2025 20:48

Yes, air mattresses can be good now. We have a very good kingsize one, not very expensive from Amazon.

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Came on to say this. Mine is only a £20 one from B and M or similar and it's ever so comfortable. My mom has a posh self inflating one that is better than my actual bed!

Or, are there any mother/daughter duos who would share a bed? (Depending on the size of the beds).

Original poster
Puffalicious · 26/08/2025 23:03

Musntapplecrumble · 26/08/2025 22:54

I think you sound lovely, far from miserable, and fair play to you for making the effort 🙂

That's made me feel better. Thank you. I think I'm quite lovely 🤣

OP posts:
Original poster
Puffalicious · 26/08/2025 23:05

Xiaoxiong · 26/08/2025 22:56

I wouldn't bother ringing to ask. If it's no bigger than an SUV and you don't need any hookups for it, then just turn up in it as if it was your car you'd driven there. They couldn't turn a car away so why would they turn away your camper.

If you ask you risk them saying no and starting a whole back and forth. I'd show up in the camper as your means of transport.

Good point. I do use it as a day tripper too, so if they did have an issue I could go to plan B & be part of the drawing straws 🙄.

OP posts:
Original poster
Puffalicious · 26/08/2025 23:07

Ilovelurchers · 26/08/2025 22:57

Came on to say this. Mine is only a £20 one from B and M or similar and it's ever so comfortable. My mom has a posh self inflating one that is better than my actual bed!

Or, are there any mother/daughter duos who would share a bed? (Depending on the size of the beds).

Show quote history

They're ALL mother-daughter duos. This is the issue!

OP posts:
Praying4Peace · 26/08/2025 23:09

Just go with the toss of the coin, fairest way

JLou08 · 26/08/2025 23:13

I think the youngest should take the sofa. I didn't mind sleeping on a sofa when I was in my teens and 20s. Even at the age I'm at now I wouldn't put my mum or aunt on a sofa whilst I was in a bed. Oldest generation needs the most comfort unless there is disability.

BigGra · 26/08/2025 23:16

Puffalicious · 26/08/2025 22:36

Ha! Such nastiness towards someone you don't know. I always feel that it reflects more on the person judging than the one receiving.

I'm perfectly lovely, thanks, never miserable, just happier doing different things than my sisters- sightseeing, walking, hiking, swimming, folk music, books, museums. It's okay to not all be the same.

My eldest brother is more like me, & that's okay too.

I'll go & cook & chat & have a good laugh, I'll just retire when the going gets too wild for me. But thanks for your concern.

Show quote history

I get it OP, I have 4 sisters and we regularly spend weekends away together.
We get on great but there’s a mix of personalities, and we regularly go along with events, trips etc that may not necessarily be to everyone’s liking but we still enjoy each others company and spending time together.
1 sister has absolutely no time for me and the youngest sloshing G&Ts about and generally being drunk dicks so we always make sure she has her own room etc to retreat to and no one takes offence if she goes off to end early or does her own thing during the day.

And as much as we love each other and happily share beds and bedrooms, you wouldn’t convince 3 of us to share a double or two in a single.
The camper van sounds like a great idea.

Original poster
Puffalicious · 26/08/2025 23:17

Caterina99 · 26/08/2025 20:18

Actual sofa or sofa bed? I think that makes a difference. I’d personally rather sleep on the sofa than share a double bed with someone other than DH (even DH to be honest as we have a super king)

surely the 19yo goes on the sofa and the older generation at least get an actual bed. Or is that the one with the broken foot? At 19 I could go out clubbing and then literally sleep for 3 hours on a rock solid floor with a thin sleeping bag and a sofa cushion for a pillow. And get up and go to work or uni the next day. At 40 that would destroy me!

Good call if they know you’re not really into drinking that you want to be able to go to bed. I’d just say now can I have a bed please, I’ve got a bad back and you all know I need my sleep

I was exactly the same at 19! My God the places I'd sleep/ collapse & get home next day in my sequins & bad eye make-up! She's not broken foot niece, but needs to be up at 7am on Sunday to get to Summer job, which might be the excuse fir needing a proper bed!

OP posts:
Original poster
Puffalicious · 26/08/2025 23:22

BigGra jeez, 4 sisters! I love how you admit to being a 'drunk dick'🤣. Wish my sisters had such self-awareness!

We KNOW we're really different. I love them equally, but we all relate in different ways.

OP posts:
Woofie7 · 26/08/2025 23:24

Lots of covid going around, are you quite sure you are feeling well?😏😊😉

Theyreeatingthedogs · 26/08/2025 23:28

Whoever organised 6 bed accommodation for 7 people should take the sofa.

Travelfairy · 26/08/2025 23:28

Hotel or even nice guest house nearby. I would need my own bed and own bathroom to do one of those type of weekends!