To think that paying for airplane seats has broken air travel for families?

[raggedymum]

I just get so stressed when I see anything about plane seat issues - everyone is all "you should pay" but it doesn't take into account all the things that can go wrong, and there is now zero compassion or willingness to shift from other passengers. And somewhat reasonably, as they have paid for their seats!

I'm still traumatised from 6-leg (3 each way) flight last year with DH and then-10yo DD, where despite paying close to £1K to select seats (for very tall DH to get extra legroom and make sure the family was sat together), we sat together on only 1 of the 6 legs. First leg was fine. Second leg - long haul - 2 of the 3 seats we had booked were literally broken and NO ONE could sit there. It took ages for the flight attendants to find anyone willing to move to allow me and DD to sit next to each other for the 8-hour flight. DD (probably ND, we're looking into it), not having flown since she was 4 before the pandemic, was in tears and terrified. At least DH got his extra legroom in the non-broken original seat. Then, that flight encountered weather and we missed the connection. So obviously we didn't have the seats we had paid for on the flight that left before we got off the plane. Again, massive difficulty to find anywhere to get even two seats together. I managed to get behind DD (aisle seats - yet the middles next to us didn't want to move to an aisle to allow us to sit together - I have actually seen threads from people explaining that they chose such on purpose...). Return journey they had overbooked the plane and printed boarding passes with our seats for multiple people. Again, lots of angst but we got DD and me next to each other (and DD absolutely in a panic remembering the problems on the flight over, and me not so far behind). Weather again, and despite actually making the connection, we got there so late they had removed our seats from the system and put other people in them. This time DH was crunched in a regular seat and we did manage to get me and DD together in some middle seats. Final leg the plane was a different type than planned, so at least nobody had seats they had booked, although people still insisted on their seat if they existed in this plane. Again, couldn't get three together and lots of difficulty over arranging for me and DD together. Didn't help that DD was a very tall 10yo (see tall DH...) and people seemed to think she was a stroppy teen and not a panicking possibly-ND 10yo at the end of a very long series of flights.

I'm grateful that I managed to get next to DD on all but one of the legs, but it was so incredibly stressful that I have a panic response at the thought of flying long-haul again, making me really not want to visit family overseas anytime soon...

I completely understand that people don't want to give up seats they may have paid £100+ for. But the fact that everybody pays for very specific seats now means that the gate staff can't shift people who haven't yet checked in around (while keeping groups together) like they used to, to help sort out groups broken up for various reasons. And there is no sympathy because "you should have paid" even when you DID pay (a lot!).

I wonder if instead of picking specific seats, you could pay for "3 seats together with extra legroom", "an aisle seat in cheap economy", etc. I guess that would be much harder for the airlines to sort and figure out if they even could sell that combination, instead of just showing the little maps you select from.

If you want me to move to a worse seat on a plane its cash up front!

We had this happen a few years ago OP. They put my then 4 year old rows in front of me and husband somewhere different. No one in daughters row would move, so I said to her "I will be sat down there, if you need me shout". And the passenger next to her said "what are you just going to leave her here?" I replied "unless you can magic a seat out of your butt, then yes, I have no other choice as the airline has messed up." The thought of a 7 hour flight with a 4 year old, sent him into a meltdown and suddenly he didnt want his seat so badly and moved. The airline were crap and did nothing to help even though it was there fault.

OP, you do understand, don't you, that if you didn't pay separately for allocated seats, the cost would just be rolled up into the total price? So, back in the "old days" you might pay £500 for a flight...... your reserved seat, hold luggage, taxes and food were all "free".
Now you might pay £250 for a flight, but with all the other extras added on separately, the total amount that you pay is still £500. It is just a marketing ploy, no more and no less. So it really makes zero difference either way!

That aside the idea of 3 connecting flights would be very stressful to me and thus far I have only ever booked direct flights. I might book connecting now I am older and DS is grown up but I couldn’t face it when he was younger. Obviously if visiting family you may not have a choice but I would for example take a long driver to the airport if possible in order to fly direct.

Hah! This was with in-laws driving 3 hours to pick us up from the airport from their middle-of-nowhere US home. We've at times had 4-leg flights. 3 is the norm, although for a few years before the pandemic there were 2-leg options. Haven't seen them since. It often throws up 5-leg options but we reject those (2 in the UK, 3 in the US), even though it costs more for 3- or 4-legs.

And the cost really sums up when you're paying extra legroom and long haul for 3 people. I think the in the future might just get DH extra legroom on his own and me and DD together. I had no idea we wouldn't actually get what we paid for. Really glad to hear this isn't the norm, we hadn't flown in so long, so it seemed like "this is how things are now" with all the changes and overbooking and such. No refunds - apparently there are caveats on the stuff you buy. And the overbooking was on a US partner airline with no real control from ours (apparently very common in the US).

Yeah, I agree - but I couldn't find another word that covered it. I really do have an actual panic atttack if DH suggests visiting his folks. Which isn't particular good for in-law relations...

Yes, but for the same price to not have people yelling at me and my daughter and getting vicious glares for a whole plane flight, I'd go for that. Or seriously, I'd even pay more for that.

I would not use the word traumatised, but I think it should be outlawed. Or at least any airline that does it being denied landing slots at UK airports.

An easy way to solve it would be for cabin crew to have vouchers to give out to passengers they need to move.

I agree, it has made people territorial over "their" seat and leads to "couples booking the window and aisle seats in the hope no one will book the middle seat issue" which exacerbates the problems for families with DC.

We booked and paid for seats (we always do) so we could be with our DC on a recent flight. Got on the plane (towards the end of boarding as my ASD son does not cope well with sitting and waiting) and a man was (incorrectly) in one of "our" seats - he was instantly angry and accused us of not paying and expecting him to move to accommodate us sitting with our kids. Not the case at all, he was just in the wrong seat. He completely refused to move and the attendant had to get involved. Even when shown where he should be sitting in the row behind (ironically in the middle of a couple) he refused to move unless he got an aisle seat. The couple then moved up to allow him the aisle but the three sat there the whole flight complaining how it was my fault (not sure how they came to that conclusion) and that people who have paid should get the seats they have chosen and shouldn't have to move for "cheapskates".

I will happily move for children or ND travellers. But i have occasionally been asked to move for couples who want to sit together and hold hands. That's a no.

Glad you got your 4yo with you.

What really got me is how everyone assumed WE had messed up. Like, literally despite the fact that we were in airport where all the flights were hours delayed due to the weather people seemed to think that we simply hadn't paid for seats instead of missing a flight after a transatlantic journey. Or still got glares when they could literally see the broken seats on the way to the loo.

It seemed to appear when the cheaper carriers appeared. Now it's widespread.

I can imagine how you felt with the possibility of not being able to sit with your child

My child (11) would absolutely be panicking and probably having some sort of meltdown (which may not be obvious to everyone) and crying if she couldn't sit next to me on a plane.

Oo, that would be good. Like a free seat selection or extra legroom or something on your next flight.

I agree, 20 years ago you could choose your seat (for free) but as I travelled alone I was often asked to change to allow families to sit together, all organised at the gate and no issues. 100% understanding from my side, that putting a kid next to their parent takes priority over healthy adult preference. Now they make you pay to choose seat but still can't sit together as each row has one seat blocked and also there are place which can't be used due to safety restrictions. Basically they let 5 people to experience big inconvenience to let 1 person be slightly happier as they were quicker to pay.

Exactly! It's the attitude that makes everything worse.

OP, it might be worth getting your daughter a sunflower lanyard for flying if you think she may be ND. It's made a big difference travelling with my 10 year old - being able to get on the plane with priority boarding means any issues are sorted before everyone else boards, so people are told about a seat change rather than being asked if they are happy to move. This really reduces our son's stress and reduces conflict, which he is not good at coping with.

I know some people will disagree with this approach, but our older son (also ND but in a different way) quite happily travelled a few rows in front when we got upgraded when he was 7. My 10 year old would be a complete wreck if he was even expected to have a stranger sat next to him in a flight, so it really can be quite traumatising for some children.

I love it. Never pay, do not give a shit about where I sit.

Always hope to be asked to move as normally get at least one, if not more, free drinks out of it

I agree OP - it's very frustrating and can add a lot of cost to flying as a family.

When I was a kid we travelled a lot, and I don't ever remember us being split up as a family - the airlines just grouped people together because they were on the same booking!

Nonetheless - I always pay, even if begrudgingly, as the journey is far more pleasant if we are all together.

I hope you complained and got your money back from the airline(s) - at least for the broken seats leg and the over-booking leg.
This.
We now go almost exclusively by train to anywhere in Europe (to be fair, I'm the one travelling to Eastern Europe but I'm also planning to take DD interrailing next year).

I think however you need a middle ground word between "stressed" and "traumatised". Trauma usually involves fear of or actual bodily harm.

I’m so glad I have teenagers, I never ever pay for seats anymore, and they pray they will get a separate seat from each other.

Unfortunately they have always been put in A, B and C!

And now at 11yo she's even taller - people have asked her what UNIVERSITY she goes to. I'm really worried people wouldn't even see her as a child, despite her still being very much mentally one (and, as I said, possibly ND so very stressed around people and fearing she's 'done the wrong thing'). So it seems like a future trip could only be worse.

Oh, that's interesting. How do you get these?

I had one flight where a group of adults sat in our booked row of three. It was near the end of boarding so decided to chance it. Fortunately they moved quickly but did look ready to argue it initially... I had my 4yo asleep in my arms and my 6yo standing next to me. But I looked like the chancer...

I think more airlines should copy the Ryanair system of child seat booking free but you have to pay for at least one adult to sit near them.

Isn't the issue that there didn't used to be any jeopardy and you'd just get sat together by default if you booked together? The airlines are just making a bit of extra cash by selling you something that costs them nothing and you used to get for free!