To feel resentment that my parents are so well off

[Lissm]

I know I will get flamed for this...
My parents are in their early 70s. My father worked in a factory in a low skilled job and was made redundant when he was 56, and retired on a full pension. My mother worked on and off as a cashier and stopped working at 57.

They have a house which must be worth close to £800k, purchased for £40k, and £200k+ in savings and investments. They are able to save at least £1k each month.

We have worked just as hard as they have but we will never have their sort of financial security. We have 6 months of savings and that's it.

I feel so angry that this has happened - not at them but at the situation.

I thought every subsequent generation would at least enjoy the same standard of living. I dread to think what is going to happen to my children.

Well off relative to me.

How did they buy a 40k house with those earnings?

And what do you do for work?

Anyway presumably you'll inherit when they die.

It is awful. My DPs were given 50% of the purchase price of their first home by my paternal DGM. Yet still, DM insists they “worked so hard” and “had nothing”.

It’s the rise in house prices that did it and made sure it is unaffordable for subsequent generations. You could also have an ‘ordinary’ or low skilled job and still have a decent lifestyle, that’s gone too.

Resentment is a normal human emotion, completely understandable, however this isn't your parents fault it's just the way things worked out for them.

I think it's very hard to see what your parents generation have achieved and realise that it's not possible for those underneath it.

I think you can be angry at the general societal situation - but it’s not reasonable to be angry at them personally.

It’s not like they have personally wronged you in some way.

The housing situation is in particular intensely frustrating.

Years ago you didn’t need a deposit and could get 100% mortgage at 3.5 x both salaries. I bought my first flat for £18k and sold it 10 years later for £65k. Our next house was bought for £80k and sold for £160k then we moved to our forever home which has tripled in value. It’s horrible watching people trying to get on the housing ladder now especially when it used to be so easy. We were in the fortunate position to help our children get on the housing ladder but many people aren’t able to do that. Will you not inherit OP?

And if they go into a care home at £1500 a week for several years there may be nothing left.

working people shouldn't need inheritances to get in the ladder. Not very progressive.

Oh no, I'm in line for a massive inheritance but I have to wait till the fuckers die - save me.

It is most certainly the case that you could have a modest income but have a fairly comfortable lifestyle.

People bought homes that are now worth 5x there value.

Did they not inherit along the way at some point from their parents or other relatives?

Can you imagine as a Gen X’er being in a low paid unskilled job all your life and managing to retire well off?

You are not being unreasonable to resent this situation, of course. Many boomers/silent gen are lucky in this regard.

What annoys me is when those fortunate enough to be in that situation don’t realise it. My mother absolutely did, she knew that she had been lucky in this way. MIL and her DH, less so. Very little concept or care of how different things are for their children and will be for their grandchildren.

My parents didn’t - or not before they’d already bought their detached 4 bed house and had 2 children at private school.

But they did know things weren’t so good for the next generations and made provisions where they could.

Do they ever help you out? My own parents are dead but most people I know with well off parents receive considerable help. I really judge well off people who don't help their children financially...I think it's a disgrace. I know that's probably an unpopular opinion on here.

Most people don’t end up in care homes though.

It’s not your parents fault. Generations before them overwhelmingly rented and lived often in dire poverty - the likes of which most of us today cannot imagine.

What’s happened to the boomers with pensions and house prices is an anomaly - it won’t be repeated.

Our parents didn’t have it all easy - death of traditional industries, lots of workplaces not offering a pension, hardly any opportunity to go to university or improve yourself, societal and industrial decline, high interest rates, high unemployment.

I don’t believe this narrative of woe is me, the generation before had it better - they very often didn’t.

I understand. It's an awful situation, same for me. I may inherit, when I'm 70+ myself, if it's not all gone on care fees. At least then I'll be able to pass that on to my children and make their lives better than mine!

My parents bought their house in 1980.

i remember them having very little. I remember our first car when I was about 8. We didn’t go on holiday at all until I was about 9 or 10 and then it was a week in a caravan. Most of my clothes were homemade or second hand.

so when my parents say they worked hard and they had nothing I believe them. Because I remember it.

i don’t know whether yours worked hard (most people do) or had nothing.
but maybe it’s true?

and yeah, care is expensive. That money could go quite fast if one of them gets ill. My dad had cancer three times before he finally died of it and it nearly broke my mum even with some carers.

That generation was a blip funded by everyone who came after them. It is what it is. Just try and grateful that your parents have had a pleasant life and that you will hopefully inherit something eventually.
Have they helped you out at all?

I’d challenge some of these assumptions…

Workplace pensions far more common among boomers (with far better terms) than today. Look at the cost of defined benefit pensions - which aren’t offered to new applicants.

Ditto on ‘improving yourself’. Yes uni was for a smaller number of people - but social mobility was higher, and you could get a job without a degree in a variety of industries in a way you would struggle to do today.

Sure the boomers have had their challenges - but in terms of ability to accumulate wealth and improve their standard of living - they have had huge advantages when compared with their children.

I mean - house prices have increased so stratospherically in some parts of the country that the residents wouldn’t be able to afford them at today’s prices on their current wages.

Yeah but for some reason British voters didn't want publicly funded care homes so there we are.

A double lottery - rich parents X parents who drop down dead quickly rather than circling the drain

I think what happened with your parents and others in the same situation was a blip in time and space. Most people in history and worldwide haven't had it easy. It's hard coming after the blip because you had raised expectations but in general life isn't fair.

I’ll never understand older people who are in a position to help their adult children but don’t, especially in this financial climate.

I read a comment recently that said boomers are the only generation who want to do better than their children.