To feel resentment that my parents are so well off

[Lissm]

I know I will get flamed for this...
My parents are in their early 70s. My father worked in a factory in a low skilled job and was made redundant when he was 56, and retired on a full pension. My mother worked on and off as a cashier and stopped working at 57.

They have a house which must be worth close to £800k, purchased for £40k, and £200k+ in savings and investments. They are able to save at least £1k each month.

We have worked just as hard as they have but we will never have their sort of financial security. We have 6 months of savings and that's it.

I feel so angry that this has happened - not at them but at the situation.

I thought every subsequent generation would at least enjoy the same standard of living. I dread to think what is going to happen to my children.

I know I will get flamed for this...

Always a sign of good faith when you start with this OP.

Agree, I am a gen x'er with silent generation parents. I am far better off than they were/are.

How sad to be so jealous and resentful that your parents are having a secure and enjoyable retirement.

Publicly funded care homes make zero difference to the expenses of seevice users who have savings and assets iver the eligibility for public funding threshold.

I’m 45 and I was saying to someone yesterday it’s so sad for this generation, difficult for teens to get pt jobs, almost impossible to save/ get houses/ even find somewhere to live, so hard to get concert tickets (I’ve been to see so many of the older acts that people can’t get tickets to now) etc etc. but op they gave you a good childhood- you benefited from their times being what they were. Yanbu to be angry but very u to be angry at them

My theory on this is that they didn’t get help from their own parents (because it wasn’t the norm for your average family), so it just isn’t part of the thought process. ‘I made this money, this is mine, you are your own responsibility’.

It’s the same school of thought as ‘you are your own problem after the age of 18’ which also seems quite common among this age group.

Meanwhile if you look at families with generational wealth it’s all about supporting the next generation and transferring money to them to avoid tax over their lives, as it’s all seen as a big shared pot of assets.

I don’t think there’s even any deep thought to the not helping - it’s just not part of their thought process at all - they did it so they assume their children can achieve the same if they want it.

The problem is they don’t think they’re well off. My mum always judged my grandma for not helping her out but they were over cautious. Always told me exactly what she’d do if she had the money and how she’d spend it on us. Now their mortgage is paid off, plenty of disposable income, she’s gone quiet and magically forgot. Never received a penny from her towards anything, but she doesn’t see that it’s the same. I wouldn’t mind but, bit hypocritical.

so hard to get concert tickets

Not really a necessity! But they seem to sell out so....??

Housing is the biggest issue
No cheap secure rents..but shared ownership options?

Life like this is still possible in many other parts of the UK and Europe on two average salaries. Your parents home sounds a but too expensive, even with the inflation, what kind of house is it? A Surrey one with 4 bedrooms or different. The cheapest house in Surrey is around 450 000

You are being really unreasonable. One day you will inherit that house or a share of it. It might be worth well over a million by then, and you will be much better off than so many people. Just because your parents were so careful.

Given the sort of jobs they had and still managed to save like that you should be proud of them and asking them for financial advice.

manicpixieschemegirl · Today 12:44

I’ll never understand older people who are in a position to help their adult children but don’t, especially in this financial climate

I kind of do- especially if they’re retired, and even if they aren’t, imagine the end of your earning potential is in sight and you have to live off your savings for another twenty years, including health costs, which you know will be monstrous. I think when we get there we’ll all be the same

This in very true. My own mil is objectively wealthy by anyone's standards... but she lives like an absolute pauper. She could be living her final years like a queen. It's really depressing.

A lot of us are in the same boat, OP. Mine and DH’s incomes are much higher than my parents were in relative terms and we had a much better start in life than they did but the lifestyle we can afford is much less.

housing, holidays and eating out have all gone up way above salaries, and that’s not to even mention real luxuries like private school.

I know what you mean OP. People on here often say "it's not your money, it's none of your business what they do with their assets, they earned it, why don't you stand on your own two feet" as if your parents are strangers. I think parents should see their children alright wherever possible and reasonable, not in cases where the child is a liability for any reason, but where there is a good relationship and the parents are in a position to help. I suspect that for most of history, rich parents having impoverished children was exceptional and for a specific reason. It would have been viewed as strange and unnatural.

It's wrong not helping your kids and relatives ...the question is op if you divorced and needed to give up work and need home care, due to unexpected ilness, disability, etc, would they take you in and look after you properly or just hand you to adult social care. That's the measuring rod....

You need to stop comparing apples with oranges. Get on with your life. My parents weren't as lucky as me as they only went overseas on holidays later in life. Their cars were crap. They hardly ate out when bringing us kids up. Changed days. What was your parents lifestyle when they were your age?

I agree with you to an extent OP, my parents are in a similar position, very average working class jobs (taxi driver and civil servant admin role) and are not retired and very well off.

While it’s undeniable that cost of living compared to wages are lower now I think culture is very different as well and that plays a role.

for example peoples of expectations of what they “should” be able to afford is very different to previous generations. Single bedrooms for every child in the family just wasn’t a huge thing for previous generations, a semi ex council with kids sharing was very much the norm, now you only have to look at the countless threats on here about bedrooms to see that people now expect to be able to give all their children their own room.

while parents now a days spend their days shuffling their children to countless soft plays, days out, clubs, back then kids played for free in the street.

2 cars is pretty standard in most households now, one car (if any!) was a luxury.

life was simpler and therefore less expensive for older generations than it is now, people simply didn’t spend as much!

Yes - I agree to be honest. I know how much my parents have and if you divide it by life expectancy minus their age it's less per year than my household lives off. And no they don't have a mortgage but they still have to pay council tax, bills for a 4 bed house, run a car, etc.

I don’t speak for all but my boomer parents are posh snooty snobs who look down their nose at the younger generation who don’t have big houses, multiple cruises and nice cars like they managed to achieve.
Yet my husband does the same job as my dad who was asked to retire at 55 because he had angina and I work full time unlike my mum who was a housewife and can’t understand why the working mothers today don’t have enough time pride to keep house to a showhome standard with perfectly pruned gardens like she managed.

Agree

Id have been so happy if my parents had that
They worked into their 70s/ 80s in low paid jobs and struggled in retirement

Christ if I found out my adult DD had been posting stuff like this I'd be leaving all our money to Battersea Dogs Home ... she wouldn't see a penny.

Not true at all. She's struggling and her parents wouldn't help. I gave everything to my girls, they are having me now when I need them. The western family is ruined and relatives are against each other ...

Also wait and see with this attitude when you need elderly care and your own children shove you to the care homes where you get 30 people with one carer per night, you'll be sleeping in your dirty diaper

What goes round comes round.

I was lucky enough to buy my first home in the mid-70s - mortgages easily available and house prices not too high - mind you the interest rates were eye-watering!

As we moved on up the housing ladder we eventually found ourselves able to downsize and become mortgage free, although it came at a cost for the family - school changes etc. And we did it because my OH was not well enough to work full time from the age of 42.

But ....... my late OH then got very sick and I had to downsize even more to free up money for a decent nursing home, so I am now no better off at all.

You do not know what is ahead for your parents; and they did not create the circumstances that have gained them an advantage - they did what you would do if it were you.

So, off with that resentment - be happy for them!

So if their house is worth 800k and they have 200k in investments, presumably you’ll inherit and absolutely have the level of financial security they have.

then your own children can write bitter posts about you for being so rich through luck and not your own hard work.

If I had an adult DD and discovered she felt like this, I'd be absolutely horrified and would probably ask what I could do to ease the burden.