To feel resentment that my parents are so well off

[Lissm]

I know I will get flamed for this...
My parents are in their early 70s. My father worked in a factory in a low skilled job and was made redundant when he was 56, and retired on a full pension. My mother worked on and off as a cashier and stopped working at 57.

They have a house which must be worth close to £800k, purchased for £40k, and £200k+ in savings and investments. They are able to save at least £1k each month.

We have worked just as hard as they have but we will never have their sort of financial security. We have 6 months of savings and that's it.

I feel so angry that this has happened - not at them but at the situation.

I thought every subsequent generation would at least enjoy the same standard of living. I dread to think what is going to happen to my children.

My parents are well off. I am happy for them. I want them to spend it on themselves- they've worked hard for it. They\re very genrerous to us as well.

Maybe that’s the difference, not all parents are generous and it’s hard listening to some talk about how hard they’ve worked when our generation has worked just as hard but will never have the pensions, retirement age or purchasing power they did, and then you worry how are it will be for our kids. My parents have thousands of pounds saved and wouldn’t help me or my brothers or grandkids with anything. Which is fine as they never got help from their parents but I do all I can to help my kids and it can feel a bit hurtful that they wouldn’t

It cuts both ways - not all kids are hard working - it's not easy to watch your kids make bad financial decisions, not work as hard as you think they should and then they expect you to bail them out and pay for their feckless ways. It's not easy when you feel your kids use you like an unlimited spending account.

Sure. But as the party WITH the money you have the power. You can just say no and you'll be fine and still have your money. They will still potentially be struggling.

Maybe struggling because they are lazy and expected everything to be handed to them on a plate? Giving them more money would just be enabling their dysfunctional behaviour.

Honestly it’s so frustrating, my DP bought their house for £80k 30 years ago when they were on £35k each. I earn double what they did and I will never be able to afford a house like theirs.

Yes, I know things are hard for my millennial DD and her friends. I know what she earns and I help her budget. Some of us boomers help where we can.

They were both earning double the average wage in 1996? And bought an £80k house when the average house price was £140k? Those figures look out to me - I bought my first house (a two bed terrace) in 1991, it cost £69k and I was on a very good salary of around £22k. A £35k salary in the mid 90s was massive.

I mean that’s what they told me..my mum was a PA to a CEO for an electrical firm I knew she got a bonus. My dad was a controller in a cab firm again got a bonus. Yes, house was most definitely £80k as it shows when it was bought by them (1999) if I google it. Not sure why you are so desperate to dispute my comment, but that’s the info I have!

I’m not “desperate”. I’m simply pointing out that the figures don’t stack up. They appear to have been on upper end London salaries in a depressed area if they bought a house for £80k in 1999. It makes no sense. I think they’re misremembering what they earned.

I don't see why parents don't do all they can to help their children out financially. Unless there is some bad blood between them.

Or they have lazy kids with no work ethic and they don't feel loading them up with cash is going to help with their personal development.

We’re not talking about lazy people though, I was speaking about how I work just as hard in a more stressful and professional job than my parents and do not have the purchasing power they had.

There’s no bad blood with my parents, quite the opposite but they just do not think it is there responsibilitiy to help me fiancally as they got no help and they think me and my brother are in great money when it’s equivalent to less than what they got 20 years ago

Did you just expect your parents to fund you on a life-long equivalence basis? How much do you earn? Not sure how much they earned at your age matters but you brought it up so what was it?
Should my kids give me money because they earn more now than I earned at their age? Or is that not the way you think it should work?

Erm no I don’t expect them to fund me on a life long basis. My brother has to wait 2 years to get a procedure done on the nhs, he’s looked into getting it done privately but can’t afford it. If it was my son and I had hundreds of thousands in the bank I would pay for it. In fact I would get a loan to pay it for my children. They don’t think they should which is fine but I would be different with my children. If my grandchildren were really struggling I’d maybe offer to help them with car insurance or something to make things easier, they wouldn’t, again that’s their choice, just different from what I would do

Yeah I bought my house (2 up 2 down walk off the street into the living room, no hall) in 1996. I was very lucky the market was at a low then and climbed pretty much straight after. I thought I paid 59k (because stamp duty threshold was 60k and I desperately needed to stay under) however it looks like records listed it as selling for 63. I know the bank ‘broke’ the lending rules of three times income to allow me to buy it so I think I was on about 16k. TBH I lived a pretty miserable life of excessively long working hours and living in subsidised work accommodation, the bank knew my wages would increase and I had saved like a mad thing for the deposit! So it was a pretty safe episode of rule breaking for the bank. Just adding some figures for context.

Really? Where did the 200k in savings and investments come from? Your mum's work as a cashier? Hats off to them to ve able to saves much, and won't you be a lucky duck when you inherit.

I think the numbers work differently now. We're secure at 70, and would give our DC IHT issues if we didn't think ahead. So we have given DC a six figure sum to buy a small house outright, while we can still expect another seven years of life. It's not a mansion. DC is fortunate, granted. There will be lots of fortunate children who will inherit well, and many more that won't.

I did the same. Security for life was the greatest gift I could give.

That's our view too @BIossomtoes. Give the money now, when it is most needed and hardest to earn.