BBQ hosting etiquette

[Pandersmum]

AIBU.
BBQ for 10 (4 couples plus us) of ‘hobby group’ friends in being p’d off that having asked guests to ‘bring what you like to drink’ after spending £150 on nice butchers bbq stuff and homemade salads, sides, nibbles and desserts, we are left with 4 bottles of exceptionally cheap rose (think Aldi lowest price wine) and no leftovers, most having 2nds and 3rds as the ‘food was so good’! They also drank through 6 bottles of DH good Sauvignon blanc!
We would normally go out to dinner with them and spend £100-150 per couple - they are not struggling financially! 1 couple did bring chocolates and a bunch of flowers. 3 other couples just bought cheap wine and beer which was also drunk.

AIBU if told food provided, and being asked ‘just bring something to drink’, you should drink what you bring!

"I wouldn’t dream of turning up to someone’s house for the first time, with a very cheap bottle of plonk and proceed to eat and drink everything on offer for the next 6 hours."

I'm with you here. I'd bring my own drink and bring you something nice/nicer as a gift for hosting. I also would have phoned you to offer to help or bring a salad. Surely, that's etiquette?

Maybe OP should have invested in little flags

"You may eat ONE of these"
"This is actually for the teens later"
"Do not drink this wine even if offered it by DH"
"This is expensive meat from the butchers and I expect flowers for providing this"

if someone offered to top up my wine I’d say yes. I wouldn’t insist it being the wine I brought. If you wanted them to drink the wine the brought then leave it out and keep your wine inside.

Can’t have flags….

A recent meal out had basically lolly pop sticks with rare, medium, well done, celiac and such.

No flags. We don’t talk about flags.

So it appears that the majority on MN believe me to be a poor, funless hostess who provided very little food and with unrealistic expectations of guests with respect to alcoholic contributions to a BBQ.

So be it.
We’ll be in a restaurant for the next gathering.

Also clearly lots of MN’ers who think it’s OK to rock up and consume everything you can because it’s ‘offered’ with absolutely no obligation or thought to the fact the host may just be being polite.

We host bbqs a lot - we like hosting and have plenty of parking and are on loads of bus lines so people tend to end up here. We keep it casual when it gets to be too often and have people bring sides or something like ‘bring something to throw on the bbq’ and when we say ‘bring what you like to drink’ we put it in the fridge but also make sure we have a few bottles of each ready to go - with some stuff for the kids too.

we host American Thanksgiving and do the entire thing as my husband loves it. We have 20 some people and feed them all way too much - great fun.

I cannot work out how you logistically pictured this - so your husband has a bottle open and offers it round but you thought each person would have their very own bottle of wine with their name on it? And only drink from that? That sounds very inhospitable and frankly quite strange.

it’s a compliment that they ate your food and next time (if there is one) you’ll know to make more if you want leftovers.

come on OP, your guests just accepted what was offered to them. If they thought your food and drinks were naff you would be on here moaning. Can’t figure out what you were expecting.

We read your description of the bbq and think you’re wrong. Sorry if you wasn’t expecting that. A handful of posters agree with you so maybe you just need to hang out more likeminded people.

Er, because on a hot day, it is quite normal to put drinks into the fridge, to chill, or remain cool ?

In my social circles, no-one expects hosts to run around like blue arsed flies getting everyone a drink each time they need it. The usual thing is people go and get the next drink for themselves and those near them when the need topping up.

I would delighted if my guests ate all the food! As it is I'm a rubbish cook so usually end up with a ton of food. 😂 It sounds like your friends had a great time. What a shame you are annoyed at them for enjoying your hosting!

If you didn't want people eating so much food then don't serve so much food! And/or hide food and drink you don't want eaten.

I'm bemused that be you kept offering food/drink but wanted your guests to read your mind and know you didn't really want them to consume it.

Maybe try to some solace in the fact that your friends had a nice time and want to come back. They obviously think you are a nice, generous person/host. Surely that was worth the wine? Also good point made by pp - 6 bottles is an unusual amount to just have in. I would have assumed they were for the party.

This might be true at a formal dinner party, where people are wine buffs and might have chosen what they consider to be the "right wine" to go with the food they are offering, but it isn't what happens at a BBQ or informal house party IME.
Indeed, I was at a party yesterday at someone's house.
As people arrived, they put the bottles they had brought on the table, and that was what was being offered when the host said "What do you want to drink?".

Just imagining OP showing the food she has just prepared and then the look of shock on her face when people actually go to EAT it

@Pandersmum yep I’m in the clearly ok to eat what’s put out by the host, I wouldn’t be thinking they want to put aside a few burgers for their teens, you under catered for the amount of people and come across a bit tight!

OP hosts BBQ, outraged that guests ate BBQ.

I'm convinced this is a parody opinion now.

I also wonder, maybe some of the couples can't actually afford to keep spending £150 on a meal out but are embarrassed to say anything and were thankful for the chance to hang out without having to spend so much and are now a bit embarrassed to reciprocate because they can't afford all the "butchers meat and naice wine"

I’ve had another thought. If you get invited to a bbq your friends host in return, have a plan about how you’re going to store your drinks so you don’t have to share.

We had bought some wine for the party ….. just didn’t expect it all to go before the wine guests brought for themselves

So you're also annoyed the wine you bought for the guests was... drunk by the guests...

If you didn't want that drunk first, open the bottles they bought with them first!

I'd be chuffed to bits if everything got eaten, left over BBQ food is rank 🤮, and yeah people bring cheap booze ...just take it back when they invite you over next time 😂

If you offered wine in your home, were they to refuse you?

i don’t think this is the case.

So what do you think happened? They targeted you? They don’t really like you? They said can we come again and won’t reciprocate because they’re all ganging on you?

You don't know that either though