BBQ hosting etiquette

[Pandersmum]

AIBU.
BBQ for 10 (4 couples plus us) of ‘hobby group’ friends in being p’d off that having asked guests to ‘bring what you like to drink’ after spending £150 on nice butchers bbq stuff and homemade salads, sides, nibbles and desserts, we are left with 4 bottles of exceptionally cheap rose (think Aldi lowest price wine) and no leftovers, most having 2nds and 3rds as the ‘food was so good’! They also drank through 6 bottles of DH good Sauvignon blanc!
We would normally go out to dinner with them and spend £100-150 per couple - they are not struggling financially! 1 couple did bring chocolates and a bunch of flowers. 3 other couples just bought cheap wine and beer which was also drunk.

AIBU if told food provided, and being asked ‘just bring something to drink’, you should drink what you bring!

You’d just assume you can go into someone’s fridge without them offering or you asking?

And yet they’re asking Op when her next BBQ is.

When we host a bbq the fridge is very much a feel free help yourself to cold drinks from the fridge situation.

When I invite friends to come for a meal I provide all the food and drinks - alcoholic or otherwise. I don’t expect them to bring anything to contribute. Of course most guests do bring something with them be it chocolates or wine etc but I don’t check to see how much they spent on their gifts.

If you host, they drink your wine and the wine they left is a gift (which means it should be as nice or ideally nicer than what they would normally get!)

Same, we’re very much there’s loads of cold drink in the fridge and in the second little fridge please help yourself type of people. Plus there are big tubs full of beer, ice, sift drinks in the garden.

I think people are being harsh towards you @Pandersmum You sound like a good host. If you do decide to host again, make sure you word it as "bring your own booze", then just don't have your own out on offer or handy in the fridge.

When we're invited to a BBQ, we always bring our own drinks to drink, I always offer to bring a dessert (my speciality), and do so if the host accepts my offer.

You chose to provide food and your DH chose to serve his wine, people aren’t mind readers! If you didn’t want to buy all the food, you could have done a pot luck and asked people to bring a dish as well. You’re complaining about something that you arranged and hosted on your terms.

Our friends always bring the good wines, and plenty of it. We serve it all - ours plus theirs. We have not had cheap plonk since we were students.

I think it depends on the friendship group what is expected. My friends and I are happy with relatively cheap drinks (non-fancy prosecco). Not everyone is particular about what kind of wine they drink.

Any food I provided while hosting I would expect to be eaten. That's the whole point of housing.

If you are so irritated by this I would gently suggest that hosting isn't for you.

OK well she clearly doesn't because if she did then she wouldn't be surprised by what happened...

And it's very perfunctory. If they KEEP asking, then it's different

Maybe next time say to them bring something for the Barbie AND a nice bottle of wine so you won’t be so out of pocket and might get some leftovers. Then stock your fridge with wine you don’t mind parting with and enjoy the party. 🥳

This is what I would call a roaring success! Loads of booze drunk, everyone loved the food and went home pissed, full and happy. That is literally all anyone wants from a party.

Set out proper rules next time.

Do not say yes when my husband offers you a drink.
Do not eat seconds.
Organise a new date that you’re hosting before you leave.
Bring me chocolate and/or flowers for the one burger I give you whilst you consume your own (cheap!) wine.
Do not open the fridge.

Agree with this.

If the host is fetching drinks from the fridge and offering them around then, yes, it makes it seem the fridge is where the drinks are

And under no circumstances have fun.

You didn’t mention that the one burger is from the butchers, it’s not just any burger.

I am 100% with you poster. It sounds like it cost you a fortune to buy food to feed so many and don’t think it was too much to request guest bring their own drinks, very cheap night out for them considering you all usually go out to eat.
I wouldn’t dream of going into a host fridge helping myself to their drinks when I had brought my drinks own along.
Your husband was just being a great host offering his nice bottles of wines out and unfortunately your friends took the P.

YABU. You sound a bit tight and boring to have a good party. Surely the important thing is that everyone had a good time?

In this case I’d take the drinks that I wanted to drink but your DH was offering them drinks so I think it’s fine for them to accept.

It sounds like you all could more than afford this so I don’t see what the issue is.

Leave exactly 2 hours after arriving

Maybe add a minimum value for the wine /
flowers.

Hope nobody did number 2 in the toilet 😬🫣

Also before eating anything check if the working teenagers want it for later on.

I think the OP is confusing hosting a BBQ with hosting a bring and share event, where everyone brings far too much and you then get to keep most of the leftovers as a thank you for allowing the event to take place in your home.