Plane seats - refused to swap

[Annoyed321]

please bear with me, I really need to vent but I need advice too.

Holiday with DH, 8 year old DD and 5 year old DS. Our seats were allocated away from each other. Not even on same aisle literally scattered on different parts of the plane. DH books and sorts checking in and I don’t usually get involved. He tried to apparently check in 24 hours before the flight but there was an error (he didn’t tell me), he was unable to check in and was advised online chat to see a member of staff at airport when we were flying, we get to check in on day of flight and lady says she can’t sit us together. I pleaded with her to at least let there be one of us sat with each child, no problem about all 4 of us sitting together.

She said to ask people when we get to the seat if anyone will swap with us. When we got there everyone refused, which I don’t really blame them as they checked in and chose their seats we didn’t or couldn’t.

I got very emotional as my 5 year old was crying about not sitting next to me DH as usual was unbothered and was just standing around looking unfazed. I’m really embarrassed about my reaction but he said it’s fine and I said it’s not fine “I’m not having my kids sat in between strangers”. It wasn’t as dramatic as I’m making out as it was over very quickly as the cabin crew we spoke to on boarding were able to allocate 2 seats together. Myself and my 5 year old took it and DH sat 2 rows In front of DD who was sat inbetween 2 men, DH was also sat between 2 guys so made no difference where I put her.

I was upset the entire flight and kept asking DH to keep an eye on DD, DH kept rolling his eyes and ignoring me. I felt like a bad mother leaving my child sat there with strangers. I feel embarrassed incase anyone videoed me at the start asking/pleading with people to please swap seats to allow me to sit next to my 2 kids. I only asked about 2 people and they avoided eye contact and ignored me, again I get it.

advice: DH is old fashioned (or should say a complete knob) he won’t share the booking details of flight with me as he’s worried I will mess up the booking, like I’m a stupid child! So I need advice please how can I make sure I am sat next to my kids on flight back home? I will need a booking reference I know which I will have to keep asking him for but the holiday was booked via Expedia and I think that’s what messed up when was trying to check in online 24 hours before. How can I check in if flights were booked with Expedia? I will call them if he doesn’t share booking ref but I doubt they will speak to me due to data protection. Any advice please?

Please be kind and don’t make me feel worse than I feel. Can anyone at least relate with me about how upset I was about DD sat alone? I am a survivor of childhood SA so my feelings might be out of place but I also read a news article literally a few days before flight if a 15 year old girl getting assaulted by a fellow passenger during a flight do these things do happen.

Someone upthread suggested going with cash in hand and offering to pay people to move. Appreciate you have already paid and should not have to pay twice but if you are desperate then I reckon this would actually work.

Yeah. Thanks for illustrating my point.
You are flighing direct flights in Europe and didn't have problem yet, so it doesn't exist. The other OP did three legs through US. And this OP faced an issue which couldn't be sorted online.

Flying to North America, I was in the situation that I had a single connecting flight ticket and wasn't be able to book seats for some legs at any moment at any costs - not all airlines systems are that compatible, so it didn't recognise my online booking reference, and they just issued the boarding pass at the airport.
But no-one will tell you that proactively, you just get a "Computer error" when you try, and learn later that it just doesn't work.

Sometimes you have to book through a third party, for example when you go to the guided tour which has group flights. Sometimes it means you can't manage your booking yourself.
And sometimes, even in Europe, the system just doesn't allow online booking management for a specific flight for no clear reason.

Damn right. Talk about a puny attempt at euphemism.

That’s not what the post I quoted to was referring to. They said check in opens 30 days before, not seat selection. You can usually choose seats when you book if you pay.

Airlines like BA only open check in 24 hours before.

And some airlines don’t charge. For example, Virgin didn’t charge when we flew to Vegas in economy. I believe Qatar and JAL also don’t charge.

But that’s actually irrelevant and wasn’t the point of my post you quoted. The post I was replying to said you couldn’t reserve seats on BA until check in and I was pointing out you could, in fact, reserve seats in advance if you paid.

Apologies if I'm suggesting something you've already tried... have you tried the airline disability assistance team? They help with issues like autism as well as physical disabilities.

First major problem, you booked it through a 3rd party, I fly a couple of times a month, with family & on my own, never ever book with a 3rd party. You are entering a whole world of problems - as you have experienced.
Take control of booking flights, direct with the airline & ...get a friggin back bone and tell your DH, to F@@k of with the controlling behavior, you are in charge of travel

@TheNightingalesStarlingi haven’t done as she doesn’t require require special assistance, although in hindsight i probably do need to add this to my booking. Her autism is well managed, as long as there is a plan and routine. She only tends to wobble at supply teachers at school, or if a plan changes - like in this instance. She clearly hides/manages things better than I thought as yesterday’s reaction was quite upsetting to see. Here’s hoping for a better day.

You can’t change how the situation was handled so don’t beat yourself up about that. I would have been mortified about having my daughter sitting with strangers. I may have even refused to fly I would be that anxious!!
However this one is on you and your DH. You should have paid for seats from the outset and you should check in as soon as the check in window opens. If you leave check in until very late I think it’s even in airline T&Cs now that they can resell your seat. Especially if you go on the basis that the airline automatically allocates a child and an adult together - not anymore.
You DH sounds like a case tbh and I would refuse to let him have any control at all over your next holiday booking.

You need to book the tickets, as you will make sure you book seats next to each other. Your husband won't.

That’s cheap! Which airline? Airlines like BA will make sure a child under 12 sits with at least one adult usually but 12 + all bets are off, which is how we ended up shelling out £450 on a recent BA flight for shirty seats at the back of the plane to make sure our 12 and 14 year olds sat with us on long haul.
Airlines are absolutely gouging people these days on seats and I fucking hate it. Also - imagine the chaos in an emergency landing if kids are sat separately from their parents. People trying to take luggage with them would be the least of the cabin crews worries as parents would be desperately trying to get to their kids rather than off the plane.
Civil Aviation needs to do something soon before a disaster forces them to change the rules.

I will NEVER let a guy control me like that . Don’t let him bully you . If u want to be involved in the booking process then tell him that unless he lets u be involved then he can go on holiday on his own . Either that or go on strike & withhold ALL services /niceties etc that the big bully has come to expect .

You should have sat the kids together. Then the adult sat with them would have swapped seats with you in a heart beat !

I am sure there are rules around at least one adult always being seated with a minor you need to look it up based on which airline you travelled with.

your DH sounds like a controlling monster. Make sure you send him the article about the minor who was abused on a plane.

It's not an error children over a certain age can be seated seperate you pay for allocated seating or take the risk of this happening its that simple no one is obligated to swap seats with you .
You have bigger problems though youre husband is a d!ck

I agree with this post, he’s proven he cannot be trusted to handle the bookings so from now on you’re in charge of making bookings or I personally wouldn’t be going on holiday with him again with the children unless we were getting there via the car.
I would also have been anxious the whole flight and the fact that he made you feel silly for being concerned is not okay.
Stand your ground.

This is on Facebook linked to a different site now so it's possibly getting more publicity than the OP might have wanted.

You can usually check in a week or is it two weeks before take off? 24 hours is leaving it way to late to ensure everyone is sat together.
it gives you a date when to check in. Soon as it is that date I check in straight away and make sure all seats are together.

To sit next to your kids you have to pay, the closer it is to the flight the less chance u have of getting seats closer together. Ive just had to pay 900 pound to sit by my kids which is actually disgusting but I couldn't risk them sitting by strangers

You just repeat yourself and then make excuses for your husband. Here's the thing. It was not a computer problem, get real, your husband messed up and this is the result. This is nobody's fault but yours and your husband. Abrogating responsibility is just as bad as him messing up. Grow up woman or get out of the situation. There is no solution other than ringing them to see if you can pay extra to get seats together on the way back so get on with it. You must have a boarding card with the ref. no? And the way you tried to slip it in that the airline is in some way at fault was out of order too. This sort of stuff is so dispiriting, stand up for yourself.

Stop being melodramatic

Just tell him to sod off and deal with the booking yourself, you can choose seats 48 hours in advance or pay for them. He is not old fashioned, he’s a dick who thinks you are incapable.

I can totally understand why you felt so upset OP I would too.

You’re not overreacting.

With Expedia bookings, you can usually still check in directly on the airline’s website using the airline booking reference (which might be different from the Expedia one). If your DH won’t share, you could ring the airline directly and explain you’re travelling with children and need to be seated together they can usually help. Also, I’m shocked about the check-in staff they are generally really good about making sure young kids aren’t sat away from their parent, they should of asked the other passengers not left it down to you

you can deal with your husband when you get home, you can be trusted with two children but not a checkin reference what’s going on?!

Straight in there

We never pay to select seats. The airlines will assign seats 24 hours before departure when we check in. Almost every time we end up sitting together but occasionally we are one row apart. It is fine with us which is why we don't pay. Some airlines will allow you to change the seat assigned (but only within the 24 hours). It sure sounds like your husband is not willing to pay for seats and generally it has worked out. For heaven's sake, look at the tickets beforehand and get involved in the ticket purchase. It makes you look pathetic leaving it up your husband and then having a meltdown on the flight. You are a grownup so please act like one.

OP you are completely in the right here. My God your husband is an asshole. I was with you all the way and when you mentioned SA at the end, moreso.
Kids shouldn’t be separated from their caregivers on flights. As you are a survivor of SA your husband should be especially aware of this.