Plane seats - refused to swap

[Annoyed321]

please bear with me, I really need to vent but I need advice too.

Holiday with DH, 8 year old DD and 5 year old DS. Our seats were allocated away from each other. Not even on same aisle literally scattered on different parts of the plane. DH books and sorts checking in and I don’t usually get involved. He tried to apparently check in 24 hours before the flight but there was an error (he didn’t tell me), he was unable to check in and was advised online chat to see a member of staff at airport when we were flying, we get to check in on day of flight and lady says she can’t sit us together. I pleaded with her to at least let there be one of us sat with each child, no problem about all 4 of us sitting together.

She said to ask people when we get to the seat if anyone will swap with us. When we got there everyone refused, which I don’t really blame them as they checked in and chose their seats we didn’t or couldn’t.

I got very emotional as my 5 year old was crying about not sitting next to me DH as usual was unbothered and was just standing around looking unfazed. I’m really embarrassed about my reaction but he said it’s fine and I said it’s not fine “I’m not having my kids sat in between strangers”. It wasn’t as dramatic as I’m making out as it was over very quickly as the cabin crew we spoke to on boarding were able to allocate 2 seats together. Myself and my 5 year old took it and DH sat 2 rows In front of DD who was sat inbetween 2 men, DH was also sat between 2 guys so made no difference where I put her.

I was upset the entire flight and kept asking DH to keep an eye on DD, DH kept rolling his eyes and ignoring me. I felt like a bad mother leaving my child sat there with strangers. I feel embarrassed incase anyone videoed me at the start asking/pleading with people to please swap seats to allow me to sit next to my 2 kids. I only asked about 2 people and they avoided eye contact and ignored me, again I get it.

advice: DH is old fashioned (or should say a complete knob) he won’t share the booking details of flight with me as he’s worried I will mess up the booking, like I’m a stupid child! So I need advice please how can I make sure I am sat next to my kids on flight back home? I will need a booking reference I know which I will have to keep asking him for but the holiday was booked via Expedia and I think that’s what messed up when was trying to check in online 24 hours before. How can I check in if flights were booked with Expedia? I will call them if he doesn’t share booking ref but I doubt they will speak to me due to data protection. Any advice please?

Please be kind and don’t make me feel worse than I feel. Can anyone at least relate with me about how upset I was about DD sat alone? I am a survivor of childhood SA so my feelings might be out of place but I also read a news article literally a few days before flight if a 15 year old girl getting assaulted by a fellow passenger during a flight do these things do happen.

Were you flying British Airways or Emirates?? Thought not. The cheaper companies have the policy where you pay to sit together. Cough up like the rest of us

He clearly did not pay for you to be seated together. Otherwise you would have been. Fuckwits like him piss me off. It might be unfair but he can’t prey on the kindness of strangers to swap with you.

You have an uptight and controlling husband- he should have booked seats next door to each other (a little more expensive, but in your situation quite justified).
I would not go on any holiday if I had no access to the booking details- what does your husband think this is 1936?
You can't expect Expedia or any one else to share booking details with you- that is for your husband to do, if he doesn't trust you that isn't a problem for the travel company-that is fairly and squarely your problem.
Also you cannot expect people to move seats when they have paid extra to be where they are, you should not rail at them but at your husband which put you in this position.
You getting emotional is what is making your 5 year old upset, I'm not surprised you getting upset saying your children can't sit between strangers- of course they can, particularly if you did not ensure they could sit with you, don't say it's your husband's fault, putting up with that "old fashioned" nonsense is your fault. You sound as if you had a tantrum which would be more appropriate in your 5 year old-get a grip, expecting other people to be inconvenienced because you did not plan is not adult. You could have chosen seats when you booked initially- the 24 hr check in thing can't be relied upon-if you are a little late you still don't get sat together. Playing the "I've got children" card is not balanced , so does over 80% of the population.

I’m so sorry. I think your reaction is normal. I would have struggled to get on that plane. If he won’t give you the details then do you have access to funds to book new tickets home? If not I think you need to think about your future with your husband. I would be going shouty crackers to get it sorted before the journey home. Good luck. I’m sorry

Exactly this I just see it as part of the ticket cost

You need to put your foot down and insist your booking the next ones. I always book holidays/flights as I know my partner will pick crap ones. I get so worried and nervous flying I pay to pick seats as it's one less thing to worry about.

I was always under the impression that young kids have to be sat next to a carer, you can’t expect a total stranger to put an oxygen mask on someone else’s child!

Luckily, my kids are old enough now to sit on their own, we can manage not to sit next to each other for a few hours and I am very happy for a stranger to watch their K-Pop.

I agree, that one airline that has been mentioned must have been going the extra mile to select 4 random seats for us that were as afar apart from each other as we could possibly get on a plane. The good thing is that one of us will usually be close to either the front or back exit and the first one to collect the bags. Silver linings and all.

I'm just shocked at the selfish arseholes refusing to swap seats! WTF I would have swapped in a heartbeat. I.dont think you overreacted at all.

I think best to ask the cabin crew when you get on as they know who is say sitting alone and wouldn’t mind moving. I’m a very nervous flyer and that’s always worked for me when needing to sit next to husband .

So is it “an error on the computer” or all your husband’s fault? Get your story straight.

Frankly I’m not surprised he doesn’t let you do the booking, your hysterical reaction to anything going wrong would probably drive him nuts.

Why don't you pay for seats so you can sit next to your husband rather than asking cabin crew to find someone "sitting alone" to move? I travel alone a lot and I pay to choose a seat so I'm not going to move for someone like you who is a nervous flyer and needs to sit next to her husband yet won't pay for a seat.

I know it must be really awful to be a nervous flyer and of course it's difficult for you but you should pay to choose your seats (and then you can also choose the window or aisle, front or back, whatever is best for you) rather than getting cabin crew to move someone else.

Quite. If you can fly with just a back pack, no food, drinks or seat reservation then happy days, cheap flight for you. Otherwise you need to pay. It’s not that they are adding on extra costs, rather that they stripped the old costs away.

You don’t need to be the lead passenger, you just need to be one of the adults on the booking to make changes, update passenger info etc definitely with the BA. I have done many times when DP made the booking

OP, you sound like a right martyr to your family. Incompetent husband, kids you can't trust to behave on a short flight, people who refuse you your right to sit next to your child, unfeeling airline personnel, who actually tried to solve the problem of an emotional woman making a scene. Why can't you put your foot down and take on the booking like a real woman?

Sorry about what has happened but I am sad to say you should have paid up front for pre booked seats especially with young children, their are no guarantees you will either be allocated sets together or people will swap. Just not worth the risk. Suggest you do the booking next time as clearly DH is a .

I feel for you but your husband was being tight to save a couple of hundred quid. The online check in 24 hours before isn’t really the point. There may have been a couple of seats left together at this point, but they may have already gone. Most people pay for their seats when they book the holiday, you select them then too. So people will have paid a lot for, and chosen their seats maybe a year or more before the flight. The airline will happily take the money of those willing to pay and won’t reserve seats for families that choose not to pay to sit together.
My husband is tight too, but this would be a non-negotiable for me. We would pay for our seats when we booked the holiday or I wouldn’t go. No way would I want to risk my kids sitting alone.
I hope they can sort something out for you but try not to get your hopes up. Could always get some cash and offer to pay someone to move?
Reimburse them the cost of their reserved seat?
Next time make sure you are booking the holiday with him and pay for your seats when booking.

I’m intrigued. You’ve spent possibly 100s of pounds to select your parties seats and you would happily give them to someone who decided not to pay that extra cost?

The first thing a parent does when booking flights is to ensure family seats together especially with children of that age .
the sitting together is very important I think .
so you are not being unreasonable .
if there are no seats together , then book another flight .
as simple as that

Your husband sounds like hard work!!

However I never understand why parents do not book and pay for seat in advance. I always did this.

I would not move either unless someone pays me for the seat I paid for or if the seat is much better. Harsh but it is what it is

Just pay for your seats in advance and don't be so tight £££

Complaining that you couldn't get seats together is your own fault

I'm so sorry to hear your dilemma. We just got back from Canada with Air Transat and by default we were all put together (family of 6) so I think it depends on the airline. I can't imagine what went through your head on that flight thinking about your daughter between two male strangers. If it was me I would have asked others too if they could be kind enough to help out as I wouldn't want to compromise my children's safety. I'm quite shocked that the staff didn't help you out more. Sorry I can't offer you any advice, but I just hope you have a restful break and you can move past this. Sending love and hugs xx

Not helpful to you now, but never leave it until 24 hours before and assume you even can book seats together. If most people have already chosen their seats, there simply might not be any. When we went on holiday in July, I checked in to both flights a whole month before we flew and chose and paid for the seats then. It cost me an extra £8.50 per seat each way and we had a row of 3 and the first one on the next aisle.
Your DP is an arse though and should take responsibility for his mess up!

Not selfish arseholes especially when they’ve paid to choose their seats

Would it have worked if you put the girls next to each other ?

Selfish arseholes who booked and paid extra for their seats together in advance, unlike OP’s DH?

This is what people hate, families not paying (unlike others) and assuming that they can use emotional blackmail of not splitting a family up to force other people to move. The more entitled people I hear of this, the more I will never move.