Plane seats - refused to swap

[Annoyed321]

please bear with me, I really need to vent but I need advice too.

Holiday with DH, 8 year old DD and 5 year old DS. Our seats were allocated away from each other. Not even on same aisle literally scattered on different parts of the plane. DH books and sorts checking in and I don’t usually get involved. He tried to apparently check in 24 hours before the flight but there was an error (he didn’t tell me), he was unable to check in and was advised online chat to see a member of staff at airport when we were flying, we get to check in on day of flight and lady says she can’t sit us together. I pleaded with her to at least let there be one of us sat with each child, no problem about all 4 of us sitting together.

She said to ask people when we get to the seat if anyone will swap with us. When we got there everyone refused, which I don’t really blame them as they checked in and chose their seats we didn’t or couldn’t.

I got very emotional as my 5 year old was crying about not sitting next to me DH as usual was unbothered and was just standing around looking unfazed. I’m really embarrassed about my reaction but he said it’s fine and I said it’s not fine “I’m not having my kids sat in between strangers”. It wasn’t as dramatic as I’m making out as it was over very quickly as the cabin crew we spoke to on boarding were able to allocate 2 seats together. Myself and my 5 year old took it and DH sat 2 rows In front of DD who was sat inbetween 2 men, DH was also sat between 2 guys so made no difference where I put her.

I was upset the entire flight and kept asking DH to keep an eye on DD, DH kept rolling his eyes and ignoring me. I felt like a bad mother leaving my child sat there with strangers. I feel embarrassed incase anyone videoed me at the start asking/pleading with people to please swap seats to allow me to sit next to my 2 kids. I only asked about 2 people and they avoided eye contact and ignored me, again I get it.

advice: DH is old fashioned (or should say a complete knob) he won’t share the booking details of flight with me as he’s worried I will mess up the booking, like I’m a stupid child! So I need advice please how can I make sure I am sat next to my kids on flight back home? I will need a booking reference I know which I will have to keep asking him for but the holiday was booked via Expedia and I think that’s what messed up when was trying to check in online 24 hours before. How can I check in if flights were booked with Expedia? I will call them if he doesn’t share booking ref but I doubt they will speak to me due to data protection. Any advice please?

Please be kind and don’t make me feel worse than I feel. Can anyone at least relate with me about how upset I was about DD sat alone? I am a survivor of childhood SA so my feelings might be out of place but I also read a news article literally a few days before flight if a 15 year old girl getting assaulted by a fellow passenger during a flight do these things do happen.

I don't know why everyone says you have to pay to sit with your kids....I have never had to pay to sit with my family, I just ensure I check in online as soon as Check in opens...exactly what you were explaining you (well your husband) was trying to do, though this seems to have been missed by some - you did make it clear & shouldn't have had to explain it again.

Your husband sounds like a controlling a$$ who is dismissive of you & pretty derogatory about you.... But as your primary issue is the sitting with your kids on flights, I'm going to avoid saying anymore about those huge red flags or by telling you one way to ensure you sit with your kids on flights is to leave your husband, then you will be booking your holidays yourself ;) & instead concentrate on what you can do in your current situation - in all honesty not a lot, if your husband as lead passenger won't give you the information you need to do it, other than less honest methods, getting into his emails & getting the info you need or else telling him, "well I couldn't mess it up any more than that flight, & us all sit seperately again, so may as well let me have a go" but something tells me you may not have the sort of relationship that you could say something like that without repercussion???

Check in opens weeks before a flight so he had plenty of time, also pay for seats together it’s not hard

he clearly can’t doing without messing up so don’t see why he is bothered it you messing it up

If he won’t give you the reference details, so you can book seats together, tell him you’ll book new flights.

They refused to swap because they had PAID for their seats. Expecting other people to swap at your convenience is incredibly entitled.

That must have been so stressful. I think it would have put the kids together, assuming they get on ok. At least neither would be sitting in their own.

What a horrible relationship you have lady. Move away and get your own money. Pay for your tickets!! Oh it was a 3rd party oh 24hrs before. Yes you all are playing it cheap. He was damn happy sitting alone wasn't he? You are just making excuses

Short of calling the airline and hoping they'll help you, flight locator or not....even Easyjet let you checkin 30 days prior and not the day before. Plus you can book seats earlier than that

I always book via a 3rd party and haven't so far had a problem. Thinking it must be one particular airline

your husband is a dick, a knob and every other epithet thats been applied here.

of course it was uncomfortable to have your young children sitting away from you but its not he end of the world and you need to get some perspective on it.

More than anything else you need to grow a back bone. If my husband had done this he would be living through the 7 circles of hell if he was not grovelling and apologising and ensuring that the same thing would not happen on the return flights. His "old fashioned views" on what women are capable of would have been disabused before I had even married him.

Worrying about people videoing you is a little over the top, unless you were being an utter arsehole and demanding people move, then anyone with any sense will see you were simply a worried mother.

What are airlines required to do about family seating?
The Civil Aviation Authority (CAA), which regulates aviation safety in the UK, doesn't have any specific rules about seating families together but it does recommend that "the seating of children close by their parents or guardians should be the aim of airline seat allocation for family groups"
.
CAA advises: "Young children and infants who are accompanied by adults should ideally be seated in the same row as the adult. Where this is not possible, child should be separated by no more than 1 seat row from accompanying adults.

https://www.madeformums.com/school-and-family/how-to-sit-families-together-on-a-flight/

Don't book through 3rd party vendors, check the price and then book through the airline. While booking, pick your seats. Might cost a bit more but you won't be begging or looking for a hug on social media

Sometimes something is outside of your control and unfortunately in that situation you won’t get any sympathy from others.

I was relocating my family (three DC) to another country and we had our flights (and seats) booked months in advance. A last minute change to the plane type and a seat being out-of-order meant that we all got split up. One of my kids had only just turned 2 and it was a total nightmare to rearrange on the flight.

If I had been in the same situation I would have pre booked and paid. In the grand scheme of things it probably wasn't that much. It would have saved tons of stress and anxiety. To be honest to expect people to swap what could have been prevented is unreasonable. Blame the husband put it in the experience drawer and overrule him next time.

You book in 24 hours before you fly on condition you will accept a seat anywhere, thats because you havent paid to book seats.

Totally agree with this.

Hi, I’m sorry you are having to experience this. I have to say reading your post has confirmed that I was right to feel anxious at the thought of my (ex) husband not booking seats on the plane for him and our two daughters.
long story short, on the process of divorce and I took my daughters away last week to Ibiza for the first time as a single mum. When booking with jet 2 I was given the option to pre book my seats at the time of booking the holiday. This was not negotiable. I was not prepared to risk turning up at the airport and have no seats together. My daughters are 11 and 14 and the thought of us being separated would’ve tipped me over the edge. So I paid the £66 fee to select the seats for both journeys. We had 3 seats in a row both ways.

My ex husband however has just taken the girls away and he was refusing to pay the money to reserve the seats. I had to change the week of my holiday to make sure I had seats available. If I went the week later there were only single seats left.

I explained to him that it was so important to make sure this was sorted but he was fully prepared to turn up and chance it.
He listened to me in the end and I will be sharing your list with him when he’s home because it’s proved that there is no guarantee that they will sit children with parents.

I will also add that my ex has always had full control over booking holidays, managing finances etc. always made me feel like I was incapable. I literally booked everything myself and had the best holiday ever. Us mums are capable of far more than we think.
It sounds like you have so much to sort out after your holiday. Know your worth and be the best role model to your children. They care watching. I’m slowly rebuilding my life (after being together 22 years)
I realised that on previous holidays I was having to deal with a third child. My holiday with me and the girls was pure bliss. I could be me. I was free and at peace.

All the best xx

Agree.

OP I think you should contact the airline NOW via phone if necessary with your booking reference and explain the problem. Get them to get you seats all together. Don't wait and don't rely on your husband who sounds totally clueless.

Once you get home safely - all of you together - you need to start looking seriously at this man. Is he usually this clueless? Or careless re his kids safety?

You'll just have to impress on him to try to check in as soon as it opens, which I expect he'll do given what's happened on the way out.
And Yes, I think most if not all mums would have reacted like you in the same situation. I know I would.
I'm surprised someone didn't offer, but dont overreact about your DD8. I'm sure she was perfectly safe.

Sounds more like he forgot to do it and then lied to the lady in check in!

I am actually shocked that any airline thinks it’s acceptable to seat children away from their parents. We flew as a family of 6 when I was younger and they allocated seats so that my mum was with my 2 year old brother, my dad was with me (8) and my 12 & 13 year old siblings were sat further back but together…

I haven’t read all your updates yet so hopefully you’ve sorted this now, but if for some reason you are separated again and no one will swap, I would gently advice the people your children are seated with that they may need to hold a sick bag close by as your child is prone to throwing up and tell them that on the way out he/she spewed all over the gentleman sat next to her…. Or say ‘if he starts to have a panic attack please be aware that he/she occasionally bites … or screams or whatever… I bet all of a sudden the 2 people sat either side of your child suddenly want to swap seats allowing you to then sit with your children 😂

I can’t believe your DH won’t give you the details and allow you to fix his mistakes… I’d be rethinking whether you want to go on holiday with him again!… me and my DD holidayed alone without my DH for several years! BLISS!! Thankfully he’s now my ex!!

Let them fight… the adult in the same row might beg you to swap seats 😂

Unfortunately there are some callous airlines now that will shake you up like a deck of cards if you don't pay to reserve a seat, they are fully expecting families to pay to sit together which is wrong really.

My partner and I take about ten flights year and book then independently which not only can you get a better price but you are dealing direct with the airline rather than an agent that tend to get slopey shoulders if there's an issue with the flight.

Checking in even at the time it opens online won't get you seats together with some of these airlines unless you've paid to reserve seats because they will actively split you up. If you've got young kids, pay to reserve seats ahead of time. For me, I would refuse to allow anyone's child to be sat with me on a plane with no parent nearby, certainly a young child! I'm not a babysitter and it's going to be a faff if god forbid there's an emergency landing and parents are not close by. And yes it's not good having your daughter sat between two strange men at all and the men themselves might have felt really uncomfortable to be put in that situation.

Not everyone pays for their seats

I'm amazed it's even legal to sit people away from their kids!

In that case surely one pays to be seated together? No way should you be asking cabin staff to identify a lone traveller (probably a woman) and putting them under pressure to move for you.

You’ve been travelling since DD was 4 months old, they should know how to behave themseon a plane.