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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Friendship ended after 20 years

186 replies

Okfig · 25/08/2025 16:14

My 2 year old son has cancer and I received this..

Things you need to know to add context: My son was diagnosed with cancer July 2025, She has previously had a moan at me in regard to this situation however. Her mom and my mom are besties.

Messages went as follows..
Her: Hi, i feel like i've been updated about ‘your son’ through social media rather than you which we have spoke about but clearly it's easier for you to update everyone including your close friends that way rather than a message. i haven't wanted to pester you with loads of messages through this process even though i feel at the start i did send a lot but thought eventually thought id let you come to me as you're going through a lot rather than me bomb boarding you with messages. I will always be there for ‘your son’ so if he needs anything please do message me but i feel like our friendship has almost come to an end which is a shame but as much as you are going through a lot i just feel like we are on different paths so it is best to have this message so we kind of know we are on the same page. i will keep updated about ‘your son’ through mom so don't feel like you need to message me but yeah if he needs anything let me know. i just feel like this message was needed with all the sudden publicity about ‘your son’ and obvs i haven't responded to anything. we sent you money and presents as soon as we heard about ‘your son’ so hopefully you know that we do care but i just feel we would go around things differently hence the personal presents/gifts. You probs won't but like i said, if ‘your son’ needs anything please message. If you feel differently then please reach out but if not i won't feel offended to no response.
Me: Hey, it’s easier than a million different messages to people, so much happens day to day. It’s nothing personal, it just gets draining. I appreciate you haven’t wanted to message loads, I get that completely. I agree it’s a shame and it was never my intention to loose you as a friend. I know, and the gifts and money were really appreciated by us all. thank you for the love towards ‘my son,’ I’ll let you know if he needs anything.
Her: i just struggle to understand about messaging me when i was supposedly your "best friend" who you can't message but have time to post on facebook and insta and now creating tiktoks too it's just a kick in the teeth no matter how much you say it's not personal, surely you can understand that? so just so i know, is that it with our friendship then?
Me: It’s not like I want it to be but I just don’t think I can be the friend you want me to be right now tbh. Im talking to no one daily but my mom, dad and ‘my partner’. My mom is literally keeping everyone updated for me outside of that. Im posting on socials so people can see him and update from me. I’m doing what I can to cope, the TikTok’s made me feel better. Seeing him how he used to be.

OP posts:
Okfig · 07/09/2025 18:29

Thank you for asking, my son is showing all positive signs. He’s had a feeding tube fitted and since then things have been nothing but positive. We’ve stayed out of hospital for two weeks straight and all his blood work is normal. Long may it continue ❤️

the above friend hasn’t reached out and I haven’t either. After a few days I just got quite angry instead of upset and now I just don’t feel anything towards her. She’s not a friend I’d welcome back into my life going forward x

OP posts:
Okfig · 07/09/2025 18:31

CoraPirbright · 07/09/2025 14:35

How are things OP?

I responded but forgot to quote you! Sorry

OP posts:
Oscarsmom71 · 07/09/2025 18:46

You are better off without her.
She sounds horrid.
Hope your son is ok.

Didnotseethiscoming25 · 07/09/2025 18:49

I feel like this situation is exactly what the phrase 'go fuck yourself' was made for

She is no friend and you handled that so well I truly wish that your son recovers and I'm sending you strength x

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 07/09/2025 18:56

I think her behaviour is horrific. She wants you to make her feel important when the important thing is your boy. Narcissist.

Absentosaur · 07/09/2025 19:01

Sorry about your son. X

Sounds like she has what people call today Main Character Syndrome. So that’s her pov. It’s all about her and how what you do or don’t do affects her. Simple as that. Def time to say byee

lostmywayrightnow · 07/09/2025 19:01

That's good news op (re your son), wishing you, your son and your family well. Your 'friend' is indeed not a friend.

Strawberrys4 · 07/09/2025 19:20

I actually had something similar but not on the level of what you have been through, I had really severe PND and then my daughter started showing lots of signs of autism and I felt really distressed by it. A friend who I had really supported through the various dramas in her life -practically full time at one point, literally cut me of, and I feel it’s because I wasn’t as available to her and her dramas as well as she just didn’t want to know about my own issues. Anyway I hope your little man is ok and you handled this situation with such grace and bravery. Wishing you and your family a very happy life x

SpidersAreShitheads · 07/09/2025 19:37

Great to hear that things are going well with your DS, OP. Long may it continue!

Don't waste any more of your energy on the ex-friend. All credit to you for recognising that she's not worth your time.

Sending lots of healing love and hope for your son's continued recovery.

Glindaa · 07/09/2025 20:38

Okfig · 07/09/2025 18:29

Thank you for asking, my son is showing all positive signs. He’s had a feeding tube fitted and since then things have been nothing but positive. We’ve stayed out of hospital for two weeks straight and all his blood work is normal. Long may it continue ❤️

the above friend hasn’t reached out and I haven’t either. After a few days I just got quite angry instead of upset and now I just don’t feel anything towards her. She’s not a friend I’d welcome back into my life going forward x

This is good news. ❤️
Dont let that negative emotional vampire so called friend back into your life again. You and your son need positive energy x

MzHz · 10/09/2025 10:15

I’m glad you found your anger @Okfig

this person’s not your friend and not a friend of the family. Make sure you tell your mum what’s gone on. It’s important that others know what this person has said.

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