Friendship ended after 20 years

[Okfig]

My 2 year old son has cancer and I received this..

Things you need to know to add context: My son was diagnosed with cancer July 2025, She has previously had a moan at me in regard to this situation however. Her mom and my mom are besties.

Messages went as follows..
Her: Hi, i feel like i've been updated about ‘your son’ through social media rather than you which we have spoke about but clearly it's easier for you to update everyone including your close friends that way rather than a message. i haven't wanted to pester you with loads of messages through this process even though i feel at the start i did send a lot but thought eventually thought id let you come to me as you're going through a lot rather than me bomb boarding you with messages. I will always be there for ‘your son’ so if he needs anything please do message me but i feel like our friendship has almost come to an end which is a shame but as much as you are going through a lot i just feel like we are on different paths so it is best to have this message so we kind of know we are on the same page. i will keep updated about ‘your son’ through mom so don't feel like you need to message me but yeah if he needs anything let me know. i just feel like this message was needed with all the sudden publicity about ‘your son’ and obvs i haven't responded to anything. we sent you money and presents as soon as we heard about ‘your son’ so hopefully you know that we do care but i just feel we would go around things differently hence the personal presents/gifts. You probs won't but like i said, if ‘your son’ needs anything please message. If you feel differently then please reach out but if not i won't feel offended to no response.
Me: Hey, it’s easier than a million different messages to people, so much happens day to day. It’s nothing personal, it just gets draining. I appreciate you haven’t wanted to message loads, I get that completely. I agree it’s a shame and it was never my intention to loose you as a friend. I know, and the gifts and money were really appreciated by us all. thank you for the love towards ‘my son,’ I’ll let you know if he needs anything.
Her: i just struggle to understand about messaging me when i was supposedly your "best friend" who you can't message but have time to post on facebook and insta and now creating tiktoks too it's just a kick in the teeth no matter how much you say it's not personal, surely you can understand that? so just so i know, is that it with our friendship then?
Me: It’s not like I want it to be but I just don’t think I can be the friend you want me to be right now tbh. Im talking to no one daily but my mom, dad and ‘my partner’. My mom is literally keeping everyone updated for me outside of that. Im posting on socials so people can see him and update from me. I’m doing what I can to cope, the TikTok’s made me feel better. Seeing him how he used to be.

What a self-centred horrible person.
Ignore her messages and don't text back, op. A decent person wouldn't put this on their enemy, nevermind a friend, in such a difficult time.

I'm sorry about your little boy, op. Sending you lots of strength for this time

That is unforgivable. She would be dead to me.

Narcissist!

I haven't read the thread before posting this.

My son had a stroke in utero. Four days post birth we found out and entered a whirlwind.

We had a couple of people who checked in and updated the rest of our friends and family. This is entirely reasonable. Not a single person decided to do what your 'best friend ' did. She's an arse.

Wishing you and your family all the love in the world. x

One of my dc had cancer and luckily no one sent me messages of this kind but if they had I would have told them to fuck right off and blocked them

I know you want to but you'll never understand it from her point of view because it's almost impossible to put yourself in the shoes of someone this selfish & self absorbed.

You've enough to be dealing with right now without her nonsense and any decent friend would realise this.

Just ignore her from now on. You don't need that crap in your life.

Best wishes to your son and family.

Passive Aggressive, I’ll give with one hand and take from the other hand !!!
Very sorry to read your post. Rise above her pettiness and you do what you have to do to be the strength your son and family need to be!
I’ve had cancer, and I realised friends of 20+ years fell by the wayside, guess for some people friendship is a one way street .
Sending you good thoughts and virtual hug 🥰

Has she always been so narcissistic? Making your baby boy's cancer about her is pretty mind-blowing levels of main character syndrome. I'm sorry you're going through this.

There are two people in the world thinking the same way?

Unbelievable!

Should OP reply personally to everyone, because they’ll have a tantrum otherwise?

Do you not think OP may be busy, drained, exhausted etc and not have or want individual conversations with self centred people who don’t have her best interests at heart.

Why should OP update her individually?

9% on the vote currently think I’m being unreasonable, that’s roughly 29 people. I actually want someone to speak up to know how they justify it 😂

i just feel like this message was needed with all the sudden publicity about ‘your son’ and obvs i haven't responded to anything. we sent you money and presents as soon as we heard about ‘your son’ so hopefully you know that we do care

Her use of the word ‘publicity’ says it all. She is a grief vulture who is angry not to be named name checked in your social media and who wants you to message her so she can tell everyone that she has an inside line to you.

She is not your friend, she does not care about you or your son.

I voted reasonable because I think you have enough on your plate now with your little son being ill. You probably havnt the head space for much else outside the immediate family and your "friend" is selfishly making it all about herself. I could understand it if your social media postings showed you out and about with friends and socializing, while cutting her out. Well that is not the case. They are intended as progress updates for a lot of people and SM is the easiest way to do it. A real friend would understand the situation and not put extra pressure on you. She would still be there when (hopefully) all this has passed.

I'm so sorry @Okfig. You really don't need this rubbish at the moment.

There's no need to see anything from your "friend's" point of view. Focus on your son, husband and yourself. That's all you need to do right now.

I'm sending you all so much love. ❤🌻xxx

They can’t!

OP is unjustifiable.

Just don’t even give it headspace, you’ve enough going on.

I hope your DS continues to do well. .

She's horrible. My son had cancer as a teenager. He made a full recovery and that was 7 years ago. I hope the same for your son.

Wow. Drop her like a brick.

Somehow she feels like the injured party. But fuck me this is not aboy her feelings.. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this on top of everything else

If I had the energy I’d be telling your other close friends and your mum about her batshit crazy behaviour and keep her firmly out of the loop.

She’s behaving beyond awfully. Has she always been like this?

I'm so sorry you're going through so much right now. I am praying for your son's speedy and full recovery.

This person sounds strange. I'm left wondering what her personality is like usually.

I agree with this. You are better off without this appalling person in your life @Okfig

People have become so self centred but this one is a walking cliche'.

I have had a very stark life lesson recently as to who is there for me and who most def is not and it's been nothing of the magnitude of what you have on your plate.

Your replies are very classy.

As a PP said, the trash has taken itself out.

I hope for all good things for your DS.

God, talk about the most inappropriate medical situation to make all about herself!!! Does she have form for doing this? (Getting dramatic at birthdays, weddings, baby showers and making it about her?) Sounds like she is utterly devoid of empathy.

If she never experienced cancer happening to a close family member and that family member was reliant on her she won't understand that you need to do what suits you and your child at this time. My goodness July is only weeks ago. People can be 3 types of supporter in a cancer diagnosis 1. Some sit or relish in the drama of being the first to know latest details ( and are damn all use at hands on help) or 2.some recognise you need so much family time to process they say "let me know what we can do" 3. Some are good hands on help and don't intervene in the process of you coming to terms with it....they may helpfully listen. ( sometimes unsung hero's or facilitators). So you need to do what helps you and your family unit. She may have little other drama in her life so she needs to learn it's not about her needs.

She really is something else

If she feels this strongly she should have just kept her radio silence, got her updates from her mum and faded away. Either with or without the hope that you'd reach out to her when things calmed down. She didn't need to make herself front and centre.

The other thing is, even if you were being out of order (which you're not) then there is a time and place to bring it up, and this isn't it.

Which idiots on here think the op is being unreasonable?

Can only think it's a mistake - otherwise it's people like your so called friend that like to be at the centre of other people's misfortunes.

OP count yourself lucky you found out her true colours and I really hope your son recovers. My thoughts are with you. X

I’ll just say right at the start OP that I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. Not at all.

However, I suspect it’s the social media that’s the main issue.

My situation bears no resemblance to yours at all but for various reasons, I struggle to keep up with messaging at times. There are times when I want to share something on social media but I don’t because I’m aware that I haven’t yet replied to a friend and they might see the post and potentially be upset.

For clarity, the messages aren’t urgent, they’re just very long, chatty messages that require the same type of response - and sometimes I just don’t have that in me. In contrast, posting on social media is quick and detached, you don’t need to put any emotional investment into it.

I’ve found people fall into different camps. Some people always manage to message, no matter what. They’re very much of the belief that “a text only takes 30 seconds to send.” Then there’s the second camp of people who sometimes find the constant demands/expectations of messaging overwhelming, and can’t always summon up the emotional energy to “just send a message”. When life is tough, this second group of people tend to retreat and don’t seek out personal connections from their wider circle of friends.

People in the first group don’t tend to see the viewpoint of people in the second group. They resolutely believe that if you have time to post on social media then you had time to send them a “quick message”.

My good friends all fall into group 2. Sometimes they are slow to message me too but they might share a petition online or upload a photo. I understand that the mental space needed to text and message is very different to what’s needed to post on social media. We are all very forgiving of each other’s difficulties with communication but equally we know that if something was needed, we’d be there in a flash.

I have a few more casual friends in group 1. They are the reason I would hesitate to post something online, because I know they’d feel annoyed if I’d “prioritised” posting on social media above replying to them.

I think your friend falls into group 1. But I think it’s more than that - she wants to be part of the drama and she wants insider gossip so she has bragging rights. Just look at how she’s pointed out the fact she gave you money/gifts. It’s all about her and getting what she thinks is appropriate praise, and being included. She’s miffed because you haven’t made her feel special. Posting on social media without messaging her separately when she’s Done So Much to support you is your “crime” here I’d suspect.

I don’t think you should let her suck up your valuable emotional energy right now. It’s unbelievable that she’d send you a message like that. Truly, truly unbelievable. Do you care about the friendship or can you let it go?

I hope treatment goes well for your beautiful boy 💐

May be that they disagree with the posting of your son/sharing of his medical information online especially on TikTok which anyone can see, during what is a really tough time for him (not discounting its hard for you too). I don’t think anyone agrees with your awful ex friend. She is unhinged.

I am so sorry your baby is having to deal with this.

Don’t forget that some people click on the wrong button and don’t realise it, some click the wrong button and don’t realise they can correct it, and also this is the internet so some people just vote a certain way because they feel like being a prat.

I’m not saying that no one genuinely thinks yabu, but don’t overthink the voting.