To be fuming DH left our 8yo to supervise the baby while he mowed the lawn??

[Erisheck]

So I popped to the shop earlier, only meant to be ten mins. Left DH at home with DCs.

Come back to find DH out the back mowing the lawn, all very pleased with himself. Meanwhile he had apparently told our 8yo DD to “keep an eye on” the baby while he did it. Baby is 16 months.

I walked in to find baby in the living room COVERED in biro scribbles. Face, arms, even a bit on her sleepsuit. DD said she was “playing schools” and DH thinks it is hilarious.

I do not. I am SO angry. Yes baby is fine but that is not the point. What if she had choked on a pen lid. What if she had fallen. An 8yo is a CHILD not a babysitter.

DH is saying I am overreacting and that it was “only 15 minutes.” I think he has lost his mind.

AIBU to be this furious?

Okay. I think unsupervised within ear shot and very close by is different personally but if you think its equivalent to the end of the garden unable to hear or see anything then fair enough.

What I can’t get past is DH knowing what she’s like and still leaving her with that responsibility. It was literally 10 minutes until I got home with the shopping.

What is she like then? What haven’t you included in the OP because overwhelmingly from this thread alone you can tell that the majority of people have or have had eight year old’s who are perfectly fine with being alone with a toddler. Neither are babies and schools around here allow nine year olds and upwards to walk to and from school alone.

As you say, it was literally 10 minutes. You are doing your child a massive disservice by not supporting them to act, behave, and be responsible like their peers.

The issue is that you have different parenting expectations to the majority of people. If you trust your DH to look after his children, then he looks after them as he sees fit. And how he sees fit is in line with the overwhelming majority of posters here.

I guess I just don't think you can be "in earshot" and in the shower at the same time.

If OP was just in another room cooking, or going for a wee, or popping clothes away - fair enough, but IMO you can't argue that you're "in earshot" of a toddler while simultaneously being occupied in the shower

I think he shouldn't have left 16 month old with 8 year old - I don't think you should either when you go for a shower, I used to bring my baby/toddler into the bathroom with me, and she could play with toys while I had a shower. Let your DH know that neither of you leave the baby, unless safe in her cot.

Your 8 year old was very badly behaved to draw all over the baby, she's old enough to know better, and you know you can't trust her alone with the baby.

Surely depends on your individual home, shower, hearing etc…?

This is a better shout though, re: shower, so OP and her DH should both make some changes.

They usually dump their children on their Mum/Sister. Their primary aged child is a new one. A eight year old doesn't have the capabilities to safely look after a toddler. How many eye/throat/mouth injuries happen because a toddler gets hold of a pen? The eight year old did behave badly, but she should never have been given the opportunity to.

I think you should leave off here with DH and ask him to parent his 8 year old so she doesn’t do it again.

I mean, a shower is a shower no matter your home or hearing. If you have your head under water and are washing your hair, you're not going to be able to hear a 16 month old choke, or fall - nor are you going to be aware of an 8yo drawing all over them with biro.

I'd also argue that it's going to take someone in the shower longer to get to an emergency than someone fully dressed who is just mowing the lawn.

This! My son is 8 and is a TOTAL clumsy plonker but if he would know to not “play schools” with a baby and treat another human that way.

And OP should parent her 8yo as well and not leave them unattended when she showers

The OP does the exact same thing when she disappears to shower and leaves her kids unattended. I assume you're just as scornful over her behaviour?

So do you think it’s okay to mow the lawn as the OP’s DH did or not? I’m clear on your thoughts re: the shower.

Your daughter is lying to try and get out of trouble. Similar age gap between me and my brother and I didn’t do this to him when I had to watch him for a few minutes. She was naughty, not helpful and she knows she was in the wrong. Your husband didn’t do anything wrong.

But it could have been and I'm shocked that posters are ignoring that fact.

YANBU and I'm so glad that the worst that happened was toddler being drawn on.
This could have had a very bad ending.

I don't think the DH did anything wrong.

But I think OP (and other PP's criticising her DH) are being huge hypocrites to object to her husband's actions when she regularly leaves the kids unattended herself.

Either the kids are fine unattended, or they're not. She can't have one set of rules for herself and another for her DH - that's what I object to.

Bit dramatic.

Poor DH. Is wifey picking on him just because he got an 8 year old to do his job for him? Then blocked off his hearing and made lots of noise in the garden.
Ahhhh bless.

Mumsnet has gone crazy nowadays, sucking up to useless, irresponsible men.
Thank god all ended well.

If the garden takes 15 minutes to mow, it can’t be very big unless it’s very unusually shaped with grass only at the bottom or something.

Women, mothers used to get support and understanding on here. It's all gone to shit.

And calling a little girl an idiot???
Fucking disgrace!

So what about when OP also female takes a shower and delegates to another female, their DD to watch the baby?

Why did the lawn need mowing at that very second and couldn't it wait ten minutes?
Here is what it sounds like to me

Dad was in charge and decided to try a bit of weaponised incompetence (no lawn needs mowing the EXACT MINUTE another person leaves the property) he knew OP was going to be pissed about it he made sure of it adding headphones to the noisy lawnmower 8 year old has seen this behaviour before and said....hold my beer im going to one up you on this and has now made sure she will never EVER be used as a baby sitter again

Between the pair of them they have made sure OP will never leave the toddler alone with them again

But OP regularly leaves her kids unattended and goes off to shower - that's what people are taking issue with. So if her DH is "useless and irresponsible" then why is she any different?

And equally - why can't the OP shower when her DH is home? Why does it have to be done when her kids will be left unattended?

OP is regularly in charge and leaves her kids on their own while she goes into a different room and busies herself in the shower. Why is her behaviour okay but his subject to scorn and ridicule?

If she is in the shower and washing her hair, she will be just as oblivious to her children as her DH is while mowing the lawn.