To be fuming DH left our 8yo to supervise the baby while he mowed the lawn??

[Erisheck]

So I popped to the shop earlier, only meant to be ten mins. Left DH at home with DCs.

Come back to find DH out the back mowing the lawn, all very pleased with himself. Meanwhile he had apparently told our 8yo DD to “keep an eye on” the baby while he did it. Baby is 16 months.

I walked in to find baby in the living room COVERED in biro scribbles. Face, arms, even a bit on her sleepsuit. DD said she was “playing schools” and DH thinks it is hilarious.

I do not. I am SO angry. Yes baby is fine but that is not the point. What if she had choked on a pen lid. What if she had fallen. An 8yo is a CHILD not a babysitter.

DH is saying I am overreacting and that it was “only 15 minutes.” I think he has lost his mind.

AIBU to be this furious?

Exactly. People seem to be wilfully ignoring the fact that the OP regularly leaves her kids alone and unattended while she has a shower

Being in a shower with the door open for two minutes isn't remotely the same as bogging off outside for 15 mins+ with noisy machinery.

I actually wouldn't have left those ages alone whilst mowing the lawn with ear defenders on tbh. Partly because I'd worry that one of them would run (/toddle) out into the garden before I'd seen them! But mainly because 16mo is very little and I wouldn't be able to hear either of them if there was a problem.

Absolutely no way my 7yo would draw on a toddler, though.

She doesn't have headphones on, she is on the same floor as the DC, she is indoors, not outdoors, she can hear them bumping about.

Has everyone's brain turned to dust in this hot weather?

If this was me, I'd have chucked him out for the night.
He's the idiot not the little girl.

He had headphones on she isn't wearing those in the shower and personally when I have a shower with young children around they were asleep or in the next room and I had my door open so I could hear easily my point is mowing the lawn is not necessary plus now her dd has done this she might have a rethink whereas her husband just thinks its "hilarious"

Why isn't it the same? A child can choke just as easily and silently in the 2 minutes OP is showering as they can in the 15 minutes her DH is mowing the lawn.

Having a 8 year old myself along with a 9 month old, I’d be more concerned why the 8 year old would draw on the baby..
I don’t think your husband did anything wrong, he was only in the garden

Unless she's been thrown up on, OP's shower isn't necessary either - she could do it when her DH is home or the kids are in bed.

Choking is often silent so whether the door is open (or not) isn't really relevant.

I also suspect he thinks it's hilarious because she regularly leaves the kids alone to do something she wants, and doesn't see the hypocrisy in her own emotions.

Unless the 8 year old has precious this is fine. He’s close in an emergency. No worse than a shower. You’ll laugh about it when they’re older. Make sure you have photos.

Exactly!
She's in a different room not outside the house with a noisy machine and ear defenders!!!

Choking (which appears to be her main concern) is silent, so whether she can hear them bumping about or not is totally irrelevant.

He's not an idiot in the slightest for thinking an 8yo is responsible enough not to draw all over their sibling. The 8yo isn't one either, to be fair, but she should have been firmly told that her behaviour was absolutely unacceptable.

And as I've said multiple times, choking (her main concern) is silent so whether she's in a different room or outside is irrelevant, she's still occupied elsewhere and leaving her kids unattended.

I agree with you OP. A 16 month old needs careful supervision. Too much responsibility for an 8yr old.

On an aside - why am I getting sharpie ads next to this post!? lol

And couldn't hear a thing?

Well, clearly he was being unreasonable leaving your 8 year old in charge of a toddler as she isn't mature enough to behave responsibly. Is the lack of maturity standard, if so the yes he should have known better.

The biro thing is an add on - and doesnt add or detract from the culpability of the husband. I would be very cross with the 8 year old separately. However I don’t think an average eight year old can be relied upon to watch a baby. This 8 year old was clearly not responsible . I am surprised that I seem to be in a minority with this view. It does depend how big the garden is - if hubby is half an acre away , it’s a bigger issue than if they have 9 sq m of lawn right outside the patio doors.

Because she can hear them much more easily and it's no where near as long so the risk of harm is dramatically reduced. I'm also assuming she wouldn't leave pens out as she specifically mentioned this as being the choking hazard her dh had left them with.

a child can choke on anything any time their parents back is turned. No one's advocating for 24/7 eyes glued on supervision but it's fairly obvious the longer you leave them, the further away you are, the more noise there is, the higher the risk of harm.

I came here to say this. If there were Biros around it could have been a lot worse… an adult knows to take a girl off a clambering toddler , in case they slip and fall in it etc.

Even a responsible 8 year old shouldn’t be responsible for safeguarding a very young child or in charge of preventing risk for younger children. It’s too much responsibility if something out of the ordinary happens. They simply can’t risk assess/respond to risk like an adult or much older child can.

i think what’s unreasonable is that hubby left them together in a room he didn’t ‘baby proof’ first, to minimise risk of nasty accidents for the toddler while he wasn’t there to swoop in if needed.

Totally different scenario if parent leaves both kids in a room for a shower / hanging washing up etc that they know is safe- baby gate , no pens or bits laying around… and the 8 year old is a responsible 8 year old (and won’t draw on the toddler for example) and would just be playing with them/ shout for parent if they fall over etc .

OP may not leave them as long each time, but she clearly leaves them more often than her DH does - so I'd say the risk was pretty equal, overall.

I just think she's being a hypocrite - she's angry at her DH because she came home to find her toddler covered in biro and being supervised by an 8yo, but she regularly leaves the same children alone to shower. An 8yo is more than capable of wandering off, getting biros from a drawer or cupboard and using them even if they're not left out.

I suspect she may have realised that what she does herself isn't risk-free and is reacting the way she is because of that. This could just as easily have happened under her own care.

That's obvious to me but unfortunately not to many on this thread.

Crazy....

Totally different scenario if parent leaves both kids in a room for a shower / hanging washing up etc that they know is safe- baby gate , no pens or bits laying around

An 8yo can easily open a baby gate and go and get a pen if they want.

So it’s not a problem for an 8 year old to look after a baby for 15 minutes, but your issue is “where did they find a pen?”

My kids would definitely have had access to pens way before they were left in charge of a baby!

And OP would hear the baby gate opening.

He couldn't HEAR a thing!
And he wasn't even in the house!

Most preschoolers can climb a baby gate, they don’t even need to open it.

If an eight year old needs to be contained in a safety proof area with baby gates, then they aren’t going to be able to be compared to any other child of a similar age for what is reasonable behaviour. It’s absolutely not normal for eight year olds to need to be restricted in such a manner.

Would she? Because we have a baby gate less than two metres from our bathroom and I most definitely can't hear it being opened and closed while I'm in the shower.

An 8yo can also easily climb over a baby gate.