Aibu to write this guy off our first night together?

[KookySnail]

I’m considering c

It's a tale as old as time. He obtained what he was after; the chase is over for him and I'd put money on him sourcing his next shag on the apps. The rhetoric that women must wait three dates before sleeping with a man is so prevalent that he was almost certainly anticipating you sleeping with him.

The ugly truth is, (with a caveat that I don't agree that this is right) plenty of men love the chase and once it is over, they will view you as a challenge conquered. This was exemplified by the shift in your date's mood, demeanor and general body language. Three meetings could be seen as an incredibly short period of time to let a virtual stranger inside of your body. If you are looking for a relationship, it is far better for your soul to take your time and find out if a man is worthy of being so intimate with you.

Go with your gut feeling don't see him again.

I don't think I've ever read a more blatantly obvious scenario of a man giving the woman a clear message! She is no longer required. I imagine him as Patrick Bateman from American Psycho! Everything is about him.

Sorry you've been treated this way OP it must be very hurtful. I'd be gutted to be honest. What an absolute bastard.

Tell him you don’t want to see him again, and mean it. Why wait for him to start wooing you again because he wants sex? He was rude. Not the getting up early so much as no morning kiss and no cuddle
or nice words after sex. He’s not what you are looking for.

I'm surprised he didnt order you a taxi after he'd finished. He couldnt have made it any clearer you were not wanted.

i wouldn't bother with him again.

It's not having plans the following day that's the problem. Its fine for him to have plans. How he treated you was shitty.

God, what a calculating user of a bastard. He led you to believe he was genuine and that you might be developing something. Now it is time for you to turn the tables and behave as though you used him. Do not think of yourself as a victim. You have had good advice from PPs. Use it.

Sounds like it was all about the conquest, he may be back looking for a repeat but now you know what he's like I'd give it a miss.

He sounds cold. Morning sex is the best thing ever and he prefers the gym?!
Avoid him. You can do better. Seriously a vibrator would give you more emotional satisfaction.

theoturkeygoeswest. I 100% agree with you. A couple of dates,a few weeks, into bed,sex and people expect romanticism. "Let the man wait till the 3rd date!" Everyone else thinks it's the man's fault,poster was up for it and said she enjoyed it,it takes 2 to tango. Making the man wait!! In a decent relationship,at the start these things would be discussed between the 2 of you.

That’s horrible, I’m so sorry you went through that. I think some men do like to date women into sex (women who are not looking for casual sex) as some sort of ego thing or that they want casual sex but look down on women who want the same so look to have casual sex with women who are looking for a relationship by pretending they are too.

Either way I’d chalk it up as an experience and good that you at least found out early on and didn’t waste more dates and emotion on him.

I imagine he will come up again, IME they tend to pop up when they want more sex and chance their arm even when they’ve been arses. A friend once said “it’s easier for a fisherman to fish the same hole” which is grim but helped remind me why men who weren’t fully interested were still texting intermittently 🫤.

Aw he sounds awful OP. You’re not BU.

I’ve never slept with a guy I’m not in a relationship with but when I was single I’ve seen some men pile on the pressure on the first few dates because they expected sex within days or weeks. It was ridiculous. Sometimes I’ve almost thought should I just do it to keep the peace or make them hang around which is awful. But seeing stories like this reminds that men who are like that will be unpleasant once the deed is done anyway.

They are still “seeing how it goes” and “don’t want to put a label on it”, but how dare I say no I won’t engage in what can be a very emotionally and physically risky and vulnerable act with them.

It’s unfortunate how so many men are out there just to use women.

The thing is there are women who would be happy with casual sex, but I feel these kind of men actively avoid those ones and target women looking for relationships. Perhaps they find it more gratifying and more of a challenge to get in bed with a woman who is hoping for something more serious/ a relationship? Either way it’s disgusting behaviour really.

Ooohhh OP this happened to me once! Have no idea if it will be the same explanation but I'll tell you anyway.

So, was seeing this guy. He seemed really keen, a real gentleman, really into me. Slept with him... Boom, he's ignoring me. He goes home, I don't hear from him for days. Total tone shift. I'm in bits because I thought we were at the start of something.

So, next time we spoke (he eventually replied to my text and he asked to meet up) I broke things off via video chat lol. He was shocked and really upset, asked why, I told him exactly why.

It was a long conversation, but he revealed he had read online that the best way to get a woman hooked on you is to ignore her after sleeping with her when you first start sleeping together. He told me that. He read that somewhere. He only did it because he wanted me to like him more, he thought he liked me more than I liked him.

I told him it was bullshit, I liked him well enough before and it hurt me.

Even if this is the case, definitely chuck him cus it's mental.

Sorry you're feeling used 😞it's not a nice feeling. I think this guy is only looking for sex. I don't think I'd trust him again either

I’d feel the same OP. He is being dismissive of you , like you've served your purpose now go .

Poor you, OP. I imagine he hoped that you'd get up and go after sex. He'd behaved impeccably to get you into bed, got what he wanted and after that you were of no further interest. He'll probably contact you again and be nice next time he wants sex and he hasn't got anyone else on the go. It's not you being over-sensitive, it's a horrible feeling thinking you've been conned by a guy who was only ever after one thing. Don't be sad, get angry!

i dont think you will hear from him again. This is what many men do.

He sounds like an absolute w*nker. All that awkwardness he imposed on you afterwards. You were a guest in his home at the very least, which deserves even the most basic of manners. The fact that you were his lover and not a paid escort seems to have escaped this man. It sounds like the whole date was planned around his needs, with him living so close to the venue etc. A friend would have told you what their Sunday plans were beforehand and asked if that was ok. He couldn’t even do that. No, you’re definitely not overreacting OP.

Yes, sure sleep with whoever you want when you want but if you wanted something more than a mutual shag why not wait?

Some men are very attentive when you’re on holiday, it’s so you don’t have your head turned by anyone ‘better’.

Some men change how they behave after they’ve slept with you, this is because they have got what they wanted, being nice and attentive no longer serves a purpose.

This man is not for you. You deserve better, but better won’t come along if you get stuck thinking about this one.

My advice. You make the decision that this is not good enough, you deserve better, he’s not good enough. Then block him from everywhere, delete his number and put him out of your mind.

Think of it like having a bad meal at restaurant that you thought would be great as the owner had advertised it well. Would you go back for more? No, you discovered it was style over substance and you’d learn from your own experience and not bother again.

I'm afraid some friends give rubbish advice either because they say what they think you want to hear or because they have a very low bar themselves.

You'd be right not to see him again. He's not a nice guy. Can you imagine him holding your hair back if you were ill or getting up to see to the kids to give you a break? Absolutely not.

I disagree with people saying you slept with him too soon. Why shouldn't you if it felt right? You've actually written him off quickly now and not overly invested in him emotionally. That's a good thing. Don't tell him why. You don't want to teach him just to make breakfast to the next woman he does this to to keep her on ice.

You'll do way better than this jerk.

Yes he used you for sex. I don’t think you will be hearing from him again. Sorry if you’re feeling shit.

Yes sometimes there are no rules for these things, some people have sex on the first date and are happily together many years later but if you dont want casual sex and are looking for something more then ideally you should wait until you know the person better. Would you trust a woman you had only met twice just because she seemed nice? Takes time to get to know people.

My advice is to move on and chalk up to experience.

Get back on the app. Make sure he sees you online. Then he will assume you’re not interested

If he contacts you again, be vague and say he’s not what you’re looking for.

Do not contact him. Do not dump him. You cant dump someone who doesn’t want you.

Guarantee he will be back in touch in a few weeks when he thinks you got the message about the relationship being casual/sex only . That’s when you dump him.

How convenient the gig was near his place.🙄

He's a twat. I'd just ignore any messages he sends or calls.

im sorry it turned out like this, but better 3 dates in than many months! Waiting wouldn't have changed what a faker he is!

try to reframe it in your head. You had 3 nice dates & good sex.

definitely don't give him another chance to show you what as asswipe he is!!

I don’t think you need to worry about whether you’ll decide to see him again. Think he’s made it very clear that you’ll never hear from him again. Unless it’s a late night booty call