Aibu to write this guy off our first night together?

[KookySnail]

I’m considering c

Do not agree with used you had consensual sex,you enjoyed it. You put out by choice
So, you’re not now planning which prep schools and forever after but no you weren’t used
Great sex in the moment, not feeling it the day after, flat connection later on. It happens
Move on

Who cares if you disagree with how she feels? You’re not her. He was affectionate before they had sex, he wasn’t after. Based on his treatment of her before, she wasn’t expecting how he treated her after, so she is entitled to feel how she feels. It’s not a case of not feeling it after, it’s a case of this bloke being disrespectful and misleading.

Do you understand how discursive forums work?
Stranger posts a scenario. Invites readers to comment. I, We, You comment
Sometimes( gasp!) People disagree.
You can rock up giving it about someone else scenario. I am not compelled to agree with you, or the op @KookySnail

Of course she feels used - she thought she was having sex with someone who had romantic feelings for her, and she wouldn't have had sex with him if she'd known he was only interested in sex and nothing more.

Yeah, entirely besides the point what this poster thinks about OP feeling used! What the heck.

This

Go with your instincts and ditch him. He’s a user. Like someone who wants to borrow money is as nice pie until they get the cash. The lack of eye contact would make me extremely uncomfortable.

But she was interested in the sex too and enjoyed it. If romance and sex are significant then she should have made sure that criteria was being fulfilled before the sex. He didn’t promise romance. She hoped,and expected. They did not have a dialogue that set out expectations or parameters. they had sex, he’s off to gym and planned activities. She is left feeling used. Two v different outcomes. If one links sex to romance and/or commitment then you need to communicate that to your partner,That with sex comes expectation of relationship and commitment. Sometimes adults just have sex. No commitment,no relationship. Sex and uber home

You're not "overreacting" at all; that comment doesn't even make sense. You're not saying you're going to report this man to the police or start a social media campaign against him or stalk him and exact revenge, just that you won't see him again. I wouldn't either.

But I expect you won't hear from him as he's most likely a one-and-done, conquest-driven, bedpost notcher type - and if you do, I'd assume he's hit a dry spot and you're better than nothing. But you'd be setting yourself up for a miserable time if you see him again knowing how unsettled and disappointed you felt the last time. The absolute nicest and most benign interpretation of this man's behaviour is that he doesn't give a damn about you and simply does what he wants. It doesn't sound like that's what you're looking for from dating, so put yourself first and don't give him any more mental energy, whether he contacts you again or not. You don't owe him anything.

And don’t see him again. You’re hurt and feel used. That’s not the basis to see each other again.

I do understand discursive forums and you are perfectly entitled to your own opinion. I suspect the best of us aren't you that bothered with your response. I hope OP isn't as she should just focus on her own reaction which should be "well that's that then. Thanks for the food time". And focus on finding her own happiness be it a good guy who makes her and feel good for all the right reasons. She will.

I suspect your responses are transient and best of us won’t return to reappraise your musings either.

I’ve had two men say to me during my dating life that if a man really likes a girl then the first “morning after” he will make her breakfast (eggs etc), go out to fetch breakfast (pastries and coffee), or take her out to breakfast. It’s been true for every man I’ve had a meaningful relationship or connection with, including my husband.

Throw this one back.

Don't get the transient reference.
But to your reference (in italics) Maybe, maybe not, but who cares? We've made our point and I hope OP realises this is not about her, but him and swerves a bad one.

Oh by the best of us. I meant life experience, latest dating needs from friends and colleagues, general knowledge. I have zero known friends on here. 😯

It’s about them both. They’re both involved
Hes not into her and he nipped off as planned
She has experienced disappointment, and feel used

It has an ouch factor for @KookySnail

That’s awful for you. I’d feel upset too. Using bastard. Don’t give him anymore of your time. Disrespectful piece of shit. Take care.x

I would feel exactly as you do OP if I were in this situation. He was horrible and dismissive and was practically throwing you out afterwards. He found it easy enough to pretend to be interested in you romantically beforehand so he could have made a bit more of an effort not to behave like a selfish pig afterwards even if he didn't ask you out again.

I'm really shocked at some of the reactions on here. Of course he used you, he's absolutely bloody disgusting. He just threw you away afterwards. If he had treated you like that beforehand you would never have slept with him. Don't give him any opportunity to contact you.

You sound utterly insufferable

@KookySnail I would block him otherwise he would pop back in a few weeks and start trying to engage with you

Well rid of.
Don't waste a fourth date.

Oh what rubbish. He was warm and affectionate with her until he got laid, then as soon as he achieved his goal he was cold and distant and couldn’t even bring himself to make basic conversation or look her in the eye! Of course he was misleading. He presented his regard for her as something it wasn’t in order to manipulate her into sex and then immediately withdrew the things he was pretending to offer.

OP your feelings are valid. Trust your instincts and definitely do not continue to see this man. I love the suggestion by the pp of taking control and texting him that you’re are not interested in moving forward.

xx

Sorry op I totally get how you feel must have been awful for you. See if he contacts you and how he seems then.

It's a shame you feel asleep and stayed. I would have been as casual as him and just left after the sex, that way you would have felt a bit in control.
Anyway fuck him and don't bother if he texts again, you deserve better and he is a selfish bastard. Hope you find what your looking for OP. Oh and dont listen to your friend she is just being nice.