Aibu to write this guy off our first night together?

[KookySnail]

I’m considering c

No yanbu. As others have said, he will only be back if / when at a loose end to scratch an itch. I found this when I was trying to find words to say to my dd about potentially being used by guys. I didn’t find everything relevant. But I did particularly like the comment about holding out for commitment scaring the guys, who are only after sex away. www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/sex/why-women-should-make-men-wait-for-sex-part-ii

Op if he does contact you let us know what happened if possible it would be interesting to know how the tosser behaves now

Yes, his behaviour is pretty awful. Even if he had to be up in the morning, 10 mins cuddling is the minimum i’d expect. I slept with someone on a 3rd date (an ex colleague, so I knew him already) and he was very attentive afterwards, and has been when i’ve slept with him on other occasions. That said, he still turned out to be a twat, so I don’t know. Cuddles and compliments doesn’t always mean they are a good person and don’t have a hidden agenda as this guy does (and more fool me for going back for more recently). But this behaviour would definitely put me off and judging by what you’ve said, could be likely he will either ghost you, or say he didn’t feel a connection type bullshit. I’d feel pretty used.

To me ,sex is part of a serious long term relationship
With Sex on the third date ,its easy for men to put on their best personalities and hold the nice guy act untill they get what they want .
Make them wait 3/4 months and you see more of the real person,who they are .
Each to their own.
I've been with my husband 35 years ,we were engaged before we slept together.
That's not even how things were done at the time it's just how I am .,it was different even then.
I suppose I had high standards for myself.id had plenty of dates ,and those who just wanted sex soon realised that wasn't on offer ,and disappeared.
Op your feeling upset about how he treated you ,and I would of felt very upset to ,I definitely would not give him a second chance .I hope you get the satisfaction of refusing another date with him x

Sounds like a selfish dickhead. I’d completely ignore if he did get in contact again.

he's a user, you're well shot of him. He was keen as mustard or dates one and two, because he hadn't yet got he wanted. As soon as he had, he discarded you like a used Kleenex. He is not someone to have in your life, he has no respect for you.

don't bother explaining to him why you never want to see him again, just block and move on, he doesn't deserve an explanation.

he wasn't invested in you and didn't care about how you felt, not after 3 weeks.

Please dump him and tell him it was because the sex was shit.

I don’t think any woman should be comfortable with the way he behaved, shows attention when he wants sex but once he gets it can’t be bothered and treats her like an inconvenience.

@KookySnail listen to yourbsistrh sense and move on. He will probably reach out again when he wants to have sex again the treat you the same once he gets what he wants. It doesn’t costs anything to show affection after sex not just turn your back and get on his phone wham bam done.

He's not for you, you took a chance by sleeping with him, your decision and now you can choose to dump him.

He's shown you his true colours. Men can wait or string you along for as long as they like and use you.
I know someone who waited six months and the guy still left.

It's a chance we take with dating OP, he'll be on to the next one, but there are good men out there too.

No he got what he wanted and didn’t want you there and made sure you knew it. He may get in touch when he wants sex again but this is probably all he needs. The gentleman part was probably all part of his plan.

No he sounds beyond awful. Don’t waste your time and energy on him.

Getting up at 7am and going to the gym would be enough to put me off! Seems he has too much self love to share with anyone else. As long as he feels good is all that matters to him.
So yeah, bin him off as it seems he would never really make time for you anyway.

Absolutely trust your own instincts OP. I’m sorry but he’s not the one for you.

Not overreacting. Sorry. There are better men out there

Definitely not overreacting. Put this one down to experience.

You’re not overreacting OP. You feel used because he did use you. Throw this one back.

He is his own man and has and will always be like this. This is him for real. Take it or leave it. In my day we went out with people for much longer, say two months, before sharing favours. You knew by then what they were out for. One bloke at uni said to me: You are not the kind of girl I am looking for. Fair enough, he was not the kind of guy I was looking for. Stayed on the bus............

Next time maybe get to know a man for longer than 3 dates before having sex with him, if your not wanting casual. I know waiting longer doesnt guarantee anything but at least gives you longer to gauge how he lives his life and how much effort he puts into making time for you.

As the saying goes- he’s shown you who he is so believe him.
No kindness or even basic good manners after sex. Particularly after being tactile etc during the evening. In my mind he very obviously only wanted one thing. He may contact you again- probably if he wants sex but do you want to continue seeing someone who treats you like this?
My advice would be to quickly move on from people who do not make you feel good. I wouldn’t contact him, if he contacts you then your choice if you totally ignore or explain that you didn’t appreciate his behaviour and don’t want to see him again.
Thanks for the offer of another date. Although the date and the sex were both fine. I didn’t like the way you behaved directly afterwards or in the morning so would rather not continue to date. Take care
This is just factual and doesn’t make you seem overly invested or dramatic but gives a clear message you are worth more. Which you are. I know how hard dating can be but don’t settle for this sort of treatment.

Ah sorry OP that is shitty, it's an awful feeling. Chalk it up and move on. Do something nice for yourself today.

He just wanted sex, that is what he meant by 'can't wait for our third date'. Sorry he proved unworthy of you.

He was struck down with ‘Post-Coital Get Out of my House Syndrome’.

He’ll be distant until he wants another shag, when the cycle of being nice will recommence. Don’t get sucked back in.

How awful. I would never see this man again.
Brush yourself off, do some self care. He’s shown you who he is early on. I’d block him, or if not, if he messages you again don’t answer. He’ll only be after another shag anyway. What a cretin he is.

Sorry for how awfully you've been treated, OP. The "ghosting" afterwards is revealing, especially considering how he was texting you regularly before. As others have said, forget him and move on.

Dump him. Poor sex and morning after manners are every bit as bad as picking your teeth and belching.