Aibu to write this guy off our first night together?

[KookySnail]

I’m considering c

Absolutely this.
Don't block him.
Just leave him on unread.
He's scum.
At least you know.
Move on.
Don't be one bit surprised if his interest perks up again.
🤢🤮

All his text does it try to draw you in to see if you're still 'talking' to him so he can keep you as a booty call

Agree with @HerLivingontheHill

OP, I had something similar in that a guy changed the way he texted me, but it was for the opposite reason. I didn’t sleep with him since he was unable to clarify our relationship and he was very annoyed. I feel his ego was probably bruised.

So he started sending very short texts and didn’t use my name whereas before he used to say “hey Batelyboo” then write a few well constructed sentences or even call me.

Shortly after he went completely silent and had the nerve to contact me 2 months later, probably checking if he still had any kind of access to me . “Just checking to see how you are” didn’t use my name and no mention of how he went of the radar for 2 months!

Of course , I ignored him completely at that point and ever since.

After I didn’t sleep with him I’d only maintained contact as I thought we might be friends of some sort.

However his behaviour in the weeks following that totally repulsed me and showed his character and true intentions regarding me so he is no friend of mine and doesn’t deserve a response.

I feel quite invested in this- I think because it has actually happened to me on more than once occasion in the past. Guy has seemed really invested, put in lots of effort and pursued me and then immediately changed after sex.

I am sorry it happened to you! I think it is slimy and dishonest and you deserve way better.

I hope he does not text you again

This is so well put! I very much agree. Even when having one night stands it's up to BOTH consenting adults to be clear about their intentions and to be nice to each other, rather than just suddenly being all cold, rude and distant. There's no need to be rude when intentions are communicated in an honest way. I've had ONS and FWB arrangements and still been nice and respectful to the other person in the morning and I expect the same treatment from the other person. It's a perfectly reasonable expectation.

People can also change their minds about what they want from a relationship or encounter, as long as they communicate that clearly, politely and honestly rather than just being rude and expecting the other person to realise.

Men should be capable of honest and open communication, it shouldn't be all on women to try and guess their intentions or weed them out be withholding sex etc.

You understand how a discursive forum works? Op invite opinion.Posters post.
I can (and will) post that imo this is overly dramatic response just as others are posting effusively how formidable the op is.

We all read the original post the updates and based in that we formulate a response. My responses are as legitimate as anyone else . You’re not compelled to agree, inevitably in seeking opinions there will be a range.

Nonetheless, only one participant is posting.We don’t have the man perspective.None of us know if the op is being balanced or fair. In all likelihood she isn’t being objective or neutral, because as humans we usually construct a narrative favourable to ourselves. Self reporting bias is conscious and unconscious and obviously has a protective function.

Well what a charmer making contact again referring only to the sex says everything about him.

Has he made further contact since op

I think you will only hear from him the next time he wants a shag when he texts you will already have plans he sounds like a prick and you clearly deserve better OP I’m sorry it didn’t go as you had hoped and thought it would

He followed up with another message last night “You not speaking now?” I just blocked him on my phone. Not really to make a statement to him as such, I just don’t think there’s any point of having a discussion with him. I doubt he’ll see my side of things so not going to waste my time.
Also can’t really be bothered, I returned to work after 10 days annual leave on Tuesday. Been getting home late so that’s been taking up my energy. I’m still at the office now. (Someone hand me a strong coffee please 😆)

Ooh you may have bruised his ego by not chasing him…Goodo, he needs to do better with whoever he goes for next

Oh classic male statement you not talking now lol
Anyway serves him right his loss and you have come off much better than him.
Thanks for your update op and all the best.

good

Reminiscent of Shakespeare! Seriously, you'd think if he wants another shag he could get beyond a few words that make you out to be deficient (have you recovered, are you not speaking now..)

Limit yourself OP - another half-hour max at the office, then go home and pour yourself a drink 😃

Ha! Well done. His lack of effort since that night is woeful.

How utterly disappointing.

How easily solved (by him).

And really, how easy to not create this disappointment in the first place (also by him).

I genuinely don’t understand how men get themselves into these situations. Have they never met a woman before? Have they never read an article, had a conversation with anyone?

😂 he has progressed to an almost sentence, given a week OP he might have even written you a love text, beautifully arranged in Iambic pentameter but equally as vapid.

Good for you OP. You have maintained your dignity and self-respect. You deserve better than an immature twat like that

The beauty of doing nothing OP is that he will now feel riddled with insecurity about his sexual performance. I know that's not your intention but his change in attitude after sleeping with you was obviously an attempt to shift the power dynamics in his favour, rather than a relationship of equals, and you have taken that away from him.

Sorry he treated you in such a shabby way.

Wow I feel like a horrible person, because I could very much do what this man has done - or worse maybe I may have faked the affection afterwards only to then bin later not face to face. For me, it sounds like the sex wasn't great for him, no actual connection/chemistry. I dont mean to be horrible, Im just giving another perspective from the other side. It has happened to me countless times - im into the guy, it is going so so well, we are all affectionate and the convo and chemistry is flowing, then we get into bed and Im just not feeling it. Go through the motions, have awkward goodnight and goodmorning encounters and then make my excuses and don't see them again. As I say, Im probably worse than this guy and probably fake the cuddly connection stuff just out of sheer embarrassment.

Surely its not just me? Don't a lot of people date and get excited about someone then when it gets to the sex its just not right? Im not saying people are bad in bed, just that some people aren't suited. My current boyfriend I was so bloody into and was therefore so so nervous about the sex I was just willing it to be good. Fortunately it was fireworks for both of us thank god.

I really reckon he hasn't done anything wrong other than be a bit colder than he should post shag. But clearly he just wasn't feeling it, and thats not a crime and no reflection on you OP. You weren't used, that is was dating is afterall - trying people out til you find the right one.

Sorry I just read your follow up posts where he is sending short messages. Yeh not sure what thats about. Sounds like some serious game playing. Blocking him and moving on like you are doing is v wise OP. Hes not interested but he wants you to fight for him - for an ego boost perhaps? Pretty sad.

If he had been as uncommunicative as this in the office and on the first two dates, there’d
have been no third. He engineered the whole date so that OP would be at his disposal and must still be operating under the illusion that “treat ‘em mean to keep ‘em keen” is still a thing two generations later. The morning after, he made it so clear that OP was surplus to requirements and now he’s wondering why she hasn’t replied to his two rubbish texts 💩

I'm so glad you blocked him and didn't text back beforehand. Love to see a woman who knows her worth.

Wow. So much respect for you! Back in the day I’d be second guessing myself and wondering if I misinterpreted his actions etc. I feel proud of you and will remember this whenever I second guess myself.

I am absolutely loving your outlook. What a silly boy to have missed out.

I have zero interest in cuddles after sex but holy crap, there’s no way I’d ever have treated a partner like that. Agree with you and all the other PPs, OP - he is well not worth your time and you have done exactly the right thing. Bravo! Dickhead is as dickhead does.

Glad you blocked him and you don’t have to suffer his inane negging texts anymore. Onwards and upwards!