Big argument with sister over DS

[GeordieInSunderland]

Sister and I have children very close in age. Our DS’s are 9, my DD is 6 and her DD is 7.

Every summer holidays we meet up weekly for a big day out. At the start of this holiday sister sent me a list of day out ideas. I replied “I’ll show DS and see what he thinks ☺️”. This one sentance was a huge mistake, taken way out of context and set the tone basically for the following weeks. She replied “Well last time I checked we had 4 kids between us, not just DS”. I responded saying I didn’t mean it like that! Just that I’d show him the list and get his thoughts.

Anyway, most weeks have gone well but last week we had arranged a day out to cinema and bowling however DS saw something different advertised and said he’d like to do that instead. I messaged sister and said “Do you mind if we change plans for tomorrow? There is something on in town I think they’d all like”. She replied “DS would like you mean? Well no sorry, sticking to plans already made”. Fair enough. She took her kids on planned day, I took mine to alternate activity.

Sister is now saying that DD was upset and told her she had been really upset at missing the day with her cousin and having to go to DS’s boring thing. I don’t believe DD said this as she appeared to enjoy it. Sister then asked DD if she wanted to go to Alton towers with her and her kids. I said no as DS doesn’t like theme parks and she snapped “I’m not asking him! I’m asking her! It’s not all about him!” DS was in ear shot and ended up crying. I’m fuming and have said we’ll just do our own thing for the remainder of the holidays. It has proper blown up where she has basically accused me of neglect.

AIBU to go NC for the remainder of the holidays?

She has a point! Why are you pandering to your son and treating him like the only one whose opinion matters?

She didn’t basically accuse you of neglect. She pointed out that all outings seem to be on DS’s terms and that others may like a voice.

You’re now planning NC - ridiculous.

is this a reverse? If so, I suggest you enjoy the one week left of the hols with just your own kids. If it’s not a reverse, then maybe consider she might have a point.

I agree with your sister.

#teamsister

Why couldn't your DD go to Alton Park with her aunt and cousins (she was obviously invited and welcome) while you took your son to the other activity he suddenly preferred? Although I might have been a bit annoyed in your sister's case that you changed plans last minute, it was nice of her to invite her niece and you could also have checked if either of her children preferred to go with you and DS.

Good grief what a load of unnecessary drama. The kids are getting older and it's fine for them to have preferences that may not align. This will only increase as they get older, they aren't joined at the hip.
Why on earth didn't you say "Thank you DSis, a trip to Alton Towers sounds great. It isn't really DS's thing so we'll stay home, but DD would love to come"

You sound massively obsessed with your DS. Is he difficult or something? Does he find it hard when plans aren’t to his liking?

Yeah go no contact. Go on.

lol

This has to be a reverse. Because it's bloody obvious you favour your son. You gave three examples, but in each of them you give no consideration to your daughter. If you really are trying to show you're being reasonable, you failed miserably.

From what you’ve written it sounds as though you really only care about what your son wants 🤷🏻‍♀️

maybe favouring one child over another is wearing a bit on your sister, I understand maybe your son has additional needs or something but your daughter going to a theme park with her cousins doesn’t sound like a problem.

Changing plans the day before would piss me right off, I’d be all ready for say the picnic at a National Trust property, fab play park/kids’ activities, then you ask to do something different! I’m not surprised she’s annoyed and yes, you do seem to be worried about your ds, not dd. What’s that about?

You don't mention showing the list of activities to your daughter to get her thoughts.
You changed plans to accommodate your son's preference but do not mention asking your DD if she was OK with it, you do not believe she was unhappy with the arrangement but don't say if you asked her what she thought.
You don't want your daughter to go to Alton Towers because your son wouldn't enjoy it.

Do you think your Sister may have a point?

You favour your son and shes hit a nerve.

🤣

Well you are prioritising DS thoughts and feelings over your DD at least.

If ds doesn’t like theme parks why should his sister miss out?

It's quite the afternoon for nutty sister posts from OPs who don't seem to return to the thread. This one, the phone intrusion one, the half a cup of coffee one ...

Strange times.

I agree with this

NC? Seriously?

Compromise.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Juries out for me on if this a reverse, a drip feeds coming or the OP never returns.

You sound like the problem here, not her.

Team sister