Big argument with sister over DS

[GeordieInSunderland]

Sister and I have children very close in age. Our DS’s are 9, my DD is 6 and her DD is 7.

Every summer holidays we meet up weekly for a big day out. At the start of this holiday sister sent me a list of day out ideas. I replied “I’ll show DS and see what he thinks ☺️”. This one sentance was a huge mistake, taken way out of context and set the tone basically for the following weeks. She replied “Well last time I checked we had 4 kids between us, not just DS”. I responded saying I didn’t mean it like that! Just that I’d show him the list and get his thoughts.

Anyway, most weeks have gone well but last week we had arranged a day out to cinema and bowling however DS saw something different advertised and said he’d like to do that instead. I messaged sister and said “Do you mind if we change plans for tomorrow? There is something on in town I think they’d all like”. She replied “DS would like you mean? Well no sorry, sticking to plans already made”. Fair enough. She took her kids on planned day, I took mine to alternate activity.

Sister is now saying that DD was upset and told her she had been really upset at missing the day with her cousin and having to go to DS’s boring thing. I don’t believe DD said this as she appeared to enjoy it. Sister then asked DD if she wanted to go to Alton towers with her and her kids. I said no as DS doesn’t like theme parks and she snapped “I’m not asking him! I’m asking her! It’s not all about him!” DS was in ear shot and ended up crying. I’m fuming and have said we’ll just do our own thing for the remainder of the holidays. It has proper blown up where she has basically accused me of neglect.

AIBU to go NC for the remainder of the holidays?

Why is al your focus on DS and what he thinks? Have you not got a DD too? Don’t girls have any opinions worth listening to?

YABU. I think you should apologise to your sister and say you see where she is coming from. All the children are important, and thank her for flagging that to you.

Rather than go NC creating a bigger problem, which you created for prioritising your son for some reason.

Is they’re a reason why your son seems to be a bit protected ? Going through a tough time or SN maybe ?

I said unreasonable, firstly because why would you go NC over this? Madness!

Secondly, unless I got this wrong, you ditched your sister and her children with less that 24 hours notice because something else cropped up that you and DS preferred to do. When she was clear she wanted to stick to the original plan, you ditched her. Of course she and her DC are going to be disappointed and upset. You put this all on your DS and his preferences, but you are the one making the decisions that are causing the upset.

Thirdly, why are you not letting your DD go out with her cousins? You jinxed it for her already by changing plans last minute and now that your sister is trying to get the cousins together, you are still standing in the way. DD and DS are not joined at the hip. He chose his first choice outing, now let your DD do what she wants to.

One of the most ridiculous things I've ever read on here. Pandering to the DS. And he doesn't like theme parks? What kid doesn't like theme parks? I think you need to read your post back and see how it comes across. 100% with the sister here.

Sister is now saying that DD was upset and told her she had been really upset at missing the day with her cousin and having to go to DS’s boring thing. I don’t believe DD said this as she appeared to enjoy it You didn’t actually ask her whether she enjoyed it? You’re just assuming?

Sister then asked DD if she wanted to go to Alton towers with her and her kids. I said no as DS doesn’t like theme parks and she snapped “I’m not asking him! I’m asking her! It’s not all about him!” So your DS gets to choose an activity that he really likes, but your DD doesn’t? Answer honestly, does your sister have a point?

AIBU to go NC for the remainder of the holidays? Yes. Telling your sister that you want to do your own thing for the rest of the holidays is one thing, but cutting off all contact with your sister and between the cousins because of an argument over a theme park is absolutely ridiculous. Bloody grow up.

Is this a reverse?

Yabu massively.

My kids are 10 and 7 and both of them asked to go to a trampoline park this weekend. We had/have plans on these days so I have said it will have to wait until another day when we don’t have plans. No way would I rearrange plans I already had made with another family because one of the kids made noises about wanting to do something else!

Don’t you value cousin time for your kids, or is it only acceptable when your son calls the shots on activities? That is not the kind of parenting that sets your child up well for playing with others and making solid friendships. I’m with your sister here.
and of course I’m also with all the other comments on why doesn’t your dd seem to matter? Mine are 10, 6, and 3 and I regularly tell the 10yo he just has to come along to things and deal with it, his siblings have done it for him.

It’s almost like these 1 post wonders are bait for the online papers …

Also it’s really nice your sister seems to care about your DD, when you don’t. Why is that?

Again, I would thank your sister for flagging this to you.

It’s so fortunate to have family nearby you can meet up with and you don’t seem to appreciate it at all. The more I think about it, the more unreasonable you seem to be.

Even if that is the case, still not fair on the OP’s DD. All the more reason to agree to her going with her auntie and cousins to the theme park. Something very odd going on here with the OP and her DS.

Your DS is a spoilt brat, as evidenced by his reaction to your sister’s (factual) comments.

Honestly she's never come back. Sounds as if she's a shit stirrer

This,

What a ridiculous statement. Plenty of kids dont like theme parks. My DS13 included.

Honestly, I’m with your sister. Saying you will ask your DS what he thinks when it’s a group activity does sound a bit like you’re asking your child permission…. Then suggesting something else altogether… I think YABU here and it comes across like you always want to fall the shots and aren’t happy with any of the options she provides.

Why is you DD missing out because your DS doesn’t like something?

I think your Sis was reasonable pulling you up on letting her and family down regarding pre-made plans.

kids are allowed not to like theme parks, but that should not mean their siblings or cousins are not allowed to go there either.

Don't think OP is coming back.

This.

Does your DS have SN?

I often find people inadvertently prioritise the needs of their most demanding child, I see it a lot with friends with ND DC and am probably guilty of it myself.