DS went through DH phone. DH blames me

[Evkopk]

My sister’s phone had died and she needed to check her emails so asked to use mine. I was using mine so I unlocked my husband’s phone for her. My DH came downstairs and saw DS scrolling through his photos and ripped the phone from her hand.
He has since refused to talk to me and has deleted and blocked me from his phone, including the family groups.
Ive apologised but he doesn’t want to hear it. I am being unreasonable to think he should get over it? It’s been 2 weeks where he has refused to speak to me, nor can I contact him via his phone.

Very odd for your sister to be scrolling through his phone, I don’t blame him for being annoyed but he’s defo overreacted with the silent treatment 🫣

You've got a nerve!

The silent treatment is wrong - he needs to tell you exactly how he feels

But you don't seem to be in the least bit sorry or to have shown any understanding of what you've done

Am I the only person here who really wouldn’t care if I came back from the loo and someone was using my phone for something innocuous?

I’ve got annoyed before when someone has intentionally locked me out of my phone by putting in the wrong passcode 10+ times. But even then I had to see the funny side.

If someone doesn’t speak to you for 2 weeks that’s just abuse. The obvious question is what were they hiding.

Someone going through your personal photos isn't innocuous.

I think you’re being extremely U actually. DH knows my password and me his but if he decided to go through all my photos there’d probably be some I’d be embarrassed for him to see. If he gave it to his sister?! I’d be mortified.

Silent treatment for two weeks isn’t normally okay but you sound like you aren’t taking proper ownership of what you’ve done and you don’t respect his feelings about it.

People are not wrong for being upset that someone went through their phone without their permission. Even if I asked to use someone's phone to make a call or something, I wouldn't assume it was ok to go through their pictures.

The silent treatment is abusive, though, I agree with that.

You were both snooping then you’ve fed him some cock and bull story about an email. Absolute bull. He has every right to be furious with you. Your sister is a cheeky fucker too, how dare she!

I thought mumsnet usually advocated snooping through phones to check on cheating husbands, and DCs using TikTok when they’re not supposed to know it even exists.

Ignoring the original situation, I think when one partner refuses to talk to the other for two whole weeks the marriage is over.

Eh? I was replying to the quoted post drawing an analogy between phone and handbag.

Going away to seethe quietly to avoid a huge and unproductive row, for an hour or so... thats fine, thats diplomatic and sensible.

Two fucking weeks - no, that is abusive and if you think thats acceptable, I really don't know what to say.

No doubt that the OP has crossed a boundary and behaved badly, it was thoughtless and inappropriate.

But there are non-abusive ways to handle it. Going to the extreme length and effort required in blanking someone who lives with you for two weeks, to punish them, is not ok.

I would never ever look at someone's mobile unless it was a definite emergency.
Be careful what you wish for whoever does.

Totally this. I’d be fuming if my BIL was just sitting scrolling through my pictures. It’s rude and personal. Yes my DH has my passcode but even he wouldn’t take my phone and just sit and look at stuff. I have notes about all sorts on my phone.
I mean you live together I assume so how can he ignore you? Two weeks is extreme but not if you’re not admitting what you did was wrong and apologise.

I would have gone mental if you had done that to me, gross invasion of privacy, what were you thinking OP!

The fact that you're seemingly incapable of grasping what you've done wrong tells me how since your apology is likely to have been.

Did you apologise for lending his phone without asking him? Did your sister apologise? Have you told him you are angry with her?

It is not reasonable to refuse to speak to your spouse for two weeks and ensure that they cannot contact you by phone.
It seems a misunderstanding on the point that you said DSis could use his phone just because you can; clearly you thought it would be okay and DH did not and should have been asked.
On the other hand. dSis massively overstepped by looking at the photos, but this is a separate issue.
His response is unreasonable and I would personally be asking him if he actually still wanted to be married to me.
I could not be bothered with all this. You made a mistake, you have presumably apologised.

It seems a misunderstanding on the point that you said DSis could use his phone just because you can

The CF sister was going through his photos, not making a quick call (or checking emails, as it were).

Did you ask her why she was looking at his photos?

If the OP regularly acts like this though (no reason to think she doesn’t as she sees no problem with what she’s done) and there have been similar incidents - then I can understand his reaction (though generally ignoring someone you live with for two weeks I would class as abusive). Just makes me think there may be more of a back story and OP has done similar things before. In that case I can understand him completely withdrawing, whilst he’s thinking about what he needs to do next.

I can't believe you would just hand over his phone, and I can't believe your sister would scroll through his photos.. what the fuck is wrong with you both?

I can only imagine his silent treatment was down to the response from you both when caught out, rather than the act itself. You obviously don't think you did anything wrong, so I can't imagine the apology was sincere in any way.

Private messages, yes,...nothing earth-shattering, I wouldn't say. They don't tend to disclose extra marital affairs/crimes they've committed/hateful thoughts about someone else through texts. We save that for in-person meet ups.

Point one - YOU give your bag to a family member.
Point two - to find something specific.

A better analogy would be your DH/DP giving your bag to his brother to find the aspirin and brother decides to rummage through the whole bag to see what else you've got in there.

I am really surprised at the responses on here. OP was out of order - but to BLOCK her number for 2 weeks is completely unacceptable. She can't reach him for emergencies/ discuss DC if they have any. Its not on.

You shouldn't have given it to her without asking him first.

She certainly shouldn't have been doing anything other than what she'd borrowed it for!

You should have let her borrow yours. By "using it" I'm assuming you were doomscrolling or similar.

His not taking to you for two weeks is also a complete and wild overreaction, though.