DS went through DH phone. DH blames me

[Evkopk]

My sister’s phone had died and she needed to check her emails so asked to use mine. I was using mine so I unlocked my husband’s phone for her. My DH came downstairs and saw DS scrolling through his photos and ripped the phone from her hand.
He has since refused to talk to me and has deleted and blocked me from his phone, including the family groups.
Ive apologised but he doesn’t want to hear it. I am being unreasonable to think he should get over it? It’s been 2 weeks where he has refused to speak to me, nor can I contact him via his phone.

Looking at your posts - I think he is giving you the silent treatment till you apologise.

In the spirit of this not being a Troll.
"Hasn't spoken for a fortnight" = he's made her feel uncomfortable since she was a twat to him (a night?) and she still doesn't think she's done anything wrong.

I agree. I’m surprised by the level of offence PP are taking at OP’s sister looking at DH’s phone, though that does seem a rude and nosy thing to do — strange for an adult. I’d be slightly miffed if someone went through my phone.

But his rage and two weeks of sulking are ridiculous. Unless, as Saveforthst suggests, he has something to hide.

I think his rage is ongoing as OP hasn’t apologised and or didn’t rip the sister to shreds for being a cheeky twat…. The fact that OP is saying he should get over himself screams she has not acknowledged that he wasn’t happy with his sil going through his phone and he is seriously unhappy that his wife has and sil have not earnestly apologised.

OP did wrong by giving the phone but then appears to have played the no big deal card when her husband got upset therefore husband now feels invaded, unworthy and less than SIL

I would have no problem whatsoever with my husband forensically examining my phone, I have no secrets from him-but I would absolutely lose my shit if he allowed his sibling free reign on it.

Banking, budgets etc, search history (i am such a random googler), private messages with family/friends, pictures...the list goes on-I would be livid years afterwards never mind weeks-your sister is incredibly wrong but you were also to blame. YABVVU.

I dont even know what to suggest to make amends here. Its such a huge boundary overstep.

There’s more to this, I’m not buying it

When my phone is low on charge I plug it in and I can still use it if required. There was no reason she couldn’t have done the same. What was the urgency with the email?

I read so many posts on here from people “explaining” why they were looking on someone else’s phone, they almost never sound legitimate reasons.

Going through someone’s photos on their phone is out of order.

Even the title saying “DH blames me”’ suggests that this she doesn’t really believe that she is to blame.

Two weeks silent treatment is LTB territory.

One DAY silent treatment is a massive red flag.

You shouldn't have accessed his phone and handed it over, and yes, he should blame you because you made that choice and did it, the fact your DS then went snooping through his photos is irrelevant really in terms of whose fault it is, she wouldn't have been able to if you hadn't handed her his phone!

But silent treatment is not the way to deal with such issues. The fact he thinks silent treatment is acceptable and can maintain it for so long is a serious issue, thats abusive.

Silent treatment isn’t acceptable full stop. What is he, 3?

Grown adults use words to communicate how they feel and to work through things.

Its maybe an example of ongoing behaviour he has to put up with. It doesn't sound as if the OP has took responsibility and apologised.

Not wanting people going through your phone doesn't mean you have something to hide. It's a very strange way to think and shows lack of respect.

I’d have been furious in your husband’s shoes as well.

Why didn’t you just give your sister a phone charger?

In my experience everyone who uses the phrase ‘get over it’ as a response to being caught doing something they shouldn’t have done is always unreasonable ;)

It's quite funny that the OP did come back to the thread, but only to correct the minor pedantic detail that her husband couldn't have been hiding anything because she knew the passcode rather than take on board anything else. Makes me think it's a reverse and the OP is the husband tbh.

Anyway, agree with everyone else - silent treatment is very bad but in a case such as this immense violation of privacy, maybe understandable for once.

Based on your responses to this thread I am not convinced hes giving you traditional silent treatment. Rather, he simply cannot talk to.you because of your attitude. Silent treatment is abuse when the sulked wants the other one to change behaviours for their own benefit. It's a lot less clear cut when it's clear that any attempt by him to discuss this with you had been minimised.

If I qas your dh I would be seriously considering this relationship. Not just for the initial wrong doing but for.your inability to take responsibility and the fact that you appear to be pitching yourself as the victim.

Well yes the silent treatment isn't good, but I can see why he doesn't want to speak to OP if she's as dismissive as she has been here.

However thinking about it, it could very well be a reverse in which case OP's position will likely have been written in such a way as to be extremely unreasonable in order to skew answers.

I am coming to this opinion too. Because there’s silent treatment and then theirs withdrawing, maybe because this is the latest of a long line of behaviour where his boundaries are ignored, overstepped and diminished. I think it’s so telling that OP thinks he needs to ‘get over it’ - there isn’t a single post of hers where I have felt she is taking responsibility. And a bland, insincere apology is worse than no apology at all - smacks of “Well I’m sorry that you’re upset but…” OP is welcome to come back and contradict this hypothesis of course…

Maybe he's busy getting his ducks in a row
🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆

If you had done such an gross invasion of privacy, and THAT is the red flag, the silent treatment would be the most polite way I could deal with that.

I applaud the husband, for staying civil and reasonable instead of giving a piece of his mind that he rightly has.

Sometimes it's better being quiet than being honest.

Just because some posters on here don't put their own phone into the "private" category doesn't mean it's not private and it was acceptable for anyone to go through his photo.

He trusted the OP, gave her his passwords, time to change them all and never allow her access to anything.

He blames you because it’s your fault.

But… two weeks is a long time to not speak, you both need to get over it and move on

She wantes to use his phone for what? Scrolling his photos???? Why would you allow that? You are the issue here. He is being OTT 2 weeks but I would be livied

Agree with this & I’d be very angry about it. 2 weeks is a long time for him to not be speaking to you, but have you actually sincerely apologised to him? Otherwise I can see why he’s still not talking to you.

I really don't understand the widespread view that the contents of one's phone should be kept secret from loved ones. Why, for god's sake?

There MUST be something incriminating / shameful / threatening on your husband's phone, OP. His is a massive over-reaction if not.

Smoothest outcome would be if he deletes whatever it is, agrees he's overdoing the punishment, and you make up. If this doesn't happen, just fucking ignore him and, on the basis that he has a secret life, start waving goodbye to your marriage.

Wishing you the smooth version, though!

Hey op you should never have given ds his phone but just because you have his passcode it’s not yours to give. also you should have flipped on her If she was going through his photos and not checking her own emails. you could have handed her yours but on the the flip side he’s being petty now and liars and cheaters can delete stuff. I think him blocking you is an excuse tbh. He could have just gone mad took the phone changed his code and moved on but he’s treating you like shit. Why?

Very cheeky and nosy to start scrolling through his photos etc I'd be fuming .
First of all you didn't ask him you just assumed he would be ok with your sister using his phone .
Just because you know the password doesn't mean it's up to you to hand his phone over.
Your sister could of waited.
Length of time he has been angry about it not sure he is just totally pissed with you for invading his privacy.