DS went through DH phone. DH blames me

[Evkopk]

My sister’s phone had died and she needed to check her emails so asked to use mine. I was using mine so I unlocked my husband’s phone for her. My DH came downstairs and saw DS scrolling through his photos and ripped the phone from her hand.
He has since refused to talk to me and has deleted and blocked me from his phone, including the family groups.
Ive apologised but he doesn’t want to hear it. I am being unreasonable to think he should get over it? It’s been 2 weeks where he has refused to speak to me, nor can I contact him via his phone.

What was the nature of your apology? Did you just say sorry that he's upset or did you acknowledge that it was thoughtless and, by his standards, wrong?

Gosh! What do people have on their phones that are so private? Mine has a Lidl app, WhatsApp messages sorting out football runs, photos of friends' gardens and my kids, BBC weather....people are most welcome to view any of it they want...if they can stay awake that long...

You were wrong to give DH phone to DS. How would you have felt if it were the other way round? DH whilst he's right to be pissed off he needs to move on now

You should never have offered your sister/ SIL your Husband's phone, you were bang out of order and owe your Husband a sincere apology. It doesn't matter what's on his phone, it's a gross invasion of his privacy. How would you like it if he offered your bag and purse for his brother to rummage through?

Does a SIL count as a loved one?
I have nothing to hide on my phone, but I really don't want my SIL gratuitously looking at it.

My phone automatically signs me in to the various sites where I buy things, @GarlicLitre - I wouldn’t want someone potentially being given access to all that information, without my agreement.

Again, this is nuts imo. I give family members my bag to find the aspirin, pen, lip balm or whatever they asked for. Why wouldn't I?

Do your friends ever send you private emails or messages?

Because if you give someone your unlocked phone you are also giving the person access to these, which your friends might not be quite so happy about.

(unless you've set up your phone so that it doesn't log you straight into email/whatsapp, which would be unusual).

This is why I'd think twice before handing my phone to a stranger - though I have fingerprint logins to all 'spending' apps, so they wouldn't have much luck with that.

My sister, though? We don't even get on well, but I'd trust her with my phone or handbag!

You and your sister are soooo far out of order, I'd be tempted not to speak to you either (I only would as I acknowledge silent treatment is abusive).

I wouldn't trust you though, as your boundaries are non-existent.

She scrolled through his pictures?! 😳

OP has his password so it’s not going to be something like an affair.

Very possible that it’s something embarrassing like gym selfies so he can track his progress.

Possibly rude pics that he and OP have sent each other. Nobody wants their IL to see them.

A lot of people have personal info on their phones like membership of an embarrassing Facebook group or following a celebrity who is considered naff by the majority.

OMG, 'irrevocably broken his trust' she didn't sleep with his best mate !

Maybe he slept with her best friend and that is why he's being so weird. Why can't everyone have a burner phone - like spies have - for all the stuff they would hate their kids to see.

Your DS needs a serious bloody talking to, how dare she invade his privacy!

I assume she’s happy for him to return the favour and have a scroll through her photos.

Bloody nerve of her!

You were very definitely in the wrong. I would be careful how you tell him to’ get over it’.

Because you’ve not got a stack of photos, info, emails, messages, etc in your handbag?

It’s really not the same is it?

This.

he's not being weird, the OP has his password?

He was trusting his wife, like a reasonable adult.

She completely abused that trust, and she's not even sorry.

If my sister asked to use my phone I don’t know what I could possibly be in the middle of that would be so important that I wouldn’t just hand mine over to her.

No way would I just unlock DH/DC/DMs phones (I know passcodes to them all) and just hand those across.

What were you both looking for?

Maybe it also doubles as a work phone - mine does. It therefore has potentially sensitive info on it and if a third party looked at it it would a breach of GDPR.

It is an extreme reaction to block his wife , yes.

However, it was really unreasonable to allow your sister to use his phone- and even worse , it was a massive breach of privacy for her to go through his photos ! I would be so angry if someone did this. It’s his privacy. I know that I have things I wouldn’t want anyone to see on my phone - I take photos of myself , when I’m feeling fat to check if I think I am ( and yes these have been naked ones ) , I have friends who have sent me private photos when they have needed advice - and also , I don’t know if this is relevant to you but I know my husband has some very intimate photos of me on his phone so I know he would be furious if I did this to him.

Blocking you is extreme - it’s also childish , you are his wife - but his anger is justifiable .

I think fair enough if you had let your sister use your own phone but not to pick up your husband’s without asking first. It also sounds like she violated his privacy by having a rummage through the photographs. Honestly I’d be upset too. It’s a massive violation. That said, he has overreacted and has made it look like he has something to hide…

Why give his phone over,you should have given your own or nothing.I would never hand my husbands phone over.that is his phone his property.i would be fuming too,i have nothing to hide but would be so mad.

I’m furious on behalf of your husband so I imagine he gets angry with you every time he thinks about it. You overstepped big time! Figure out how to make it up to him, not how to tell him to get over it. 😠