Being heckled at in the shop

[Applebun]

I was walking on a street in London today. I was really enjoying my walk in the sun. An old man shouted something at me. I had my earphones in so i didnt really hear what he was saying. I didnt want to talk to him anyway so i walked by. I went into a shop. He followed me in and said loudly "i just wanted to ask the time, and that woman completely ignored me. She is rude". He said it twice.

Then another man said something to me.

There were two black men in the shop (relevant because of what he said to me) . One of them said to the other man "say it to that woman!"

One of them turned to me and shouted "have you ever had chocolate without any sugar?".

I was a bit shaken and I said no. And they both laughed at me.

I walked out and walked on. I was enjoying my day before that. I just feel so bad now and i cant seem to shake the feeling off. i just want to be able to go for a walk without being shouted at by men

Don't feel bad. You don't owe strangers a response, ignore them and don't engage with them. There are nutters everywhere. Looking for attention and bothering people.

I wish i could just get over it.

It has left me feeling shaken and scared.

Thats what they want to do i guess. They like scaring women

That’s a really grim experience OP, I’m sorry - it’s nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.

Please don’t let it ruin any future plans for sunny walks - and do try and do something nice for yourself this afternoon.

Ugh, that first man obviously has a bee in his bonnet about earphones/phone use/people on tech in public. I've met them before - in fact my nearby neighbour stands and yells pointless nonsense over the fence if he sees me gardening in earphones. Fuck off and leave me to my podcast!

Why scared?

I understand OP, that does sound horrible. The first guy is probably just one of those that does't like tech being used. The two black guys sound crude and like they wanted to scare you a bit. Try to ignore and keep to your walks. Sorry you were subject to their nasty behaviour.

Because the older man followed me up the street, and into the shop I went into, and he was still shouting at me..

He could be violent.

A woman I work with told me a while ago that she was walking down a street in london. A man said something to her and then punched her in the face

I don't understand the sugar thing

He was talking about himself "chocolate".

It means "have you ever been with a black man".

A black man said the same thing to me two years ago when i was on holiday once too. He said

"Do you like chocolate. Do you like black men" etc

Sorry that happened to you. Long hair so they couldn't see your earphones?

Regardless, fucking nutters are everywhere, I'm also in London. When they ask stupid (sexist/grim) questions I usually say I don't understand, what do you mean? And keep repeating that until I can walk away/they stop talking. But that's taken 10 years of practice.

I feel stronger now I'm doing a strength based sport. High recommend trying self defence, boxing, weights etc.

Thank you. My hair was tied up so he could see my earphones.

Yes it can be frightening just walking down the street these days!

A self defense course is a good idea.

I'm sorry you had an unpleasant experience, but I doubt that it's typical or widespread.

I didn't write that it is typical or widespread, so I have absolutely no idea why you wrote that.

Though now you have written that. My opinion is that I do think it is typical and widespread.

My friend told me that she cant go for a run down any street, or she gets shouted at by men

As a heterosexual woman I can honestly say I hate men and it's been life-changing not choosing to live with them.

Sorry you have had to put up with men thinking they have the God given right to say and do what they want to women. Try and forget about it, focus on the lovely people you come into contact with daily.

Yes and posts like this encourage the idea that it is typical and widespread, whereas many women are able to live their lives without encountering experiences like this.

Horrible experience I’m sorry you met three complete wankers in one afternoon. Hopefully that’s your lot for the whole rest of the year.

I do recommend responding in a situation like this if you feel safe enough. I reckon the second guys saw the first encounter and decided to join in on bullying someone they thought wouldn’t stand up to them. Twats.

You raised that question not the OP. I’ve read all sorts on MN but I haven’t come to the conclusion that eg a small Asian lady moving your garden is typical and widespread. We’re allowed to talk about our own experiences.

I said I was sorry you'd had that experience. Perhaps you missed that. I don't see anything wrong with saying that it's not a typical one for many women.

So, she shouldn’t post about her experiences, then? We should only ever post about experiences that you deem sufficiently ‘typical and widespread’? Otherwise, we should all keep schtum?

Women are worse

I wonder if that poster pops up on every post like that. ‘Shame you were mugged/assaulted/abused, but many women are able to live their lives without encountering experiences like this. Posts like this encourage the idea that it is typical and widespread.’

Madness. For starters, all those things and what happened to you are lamentably widespread. However, even if they weren’t, who gives a fuck? You can still share your experiences!