Being heckled at in the shop

[Applebun]

I was walking on a street in London today. I was really enjoying my walk in the sun. An old man shouted something at me. I had my earphones in so i didnt really hear what he was saying. I didnt want to talk to him anyway so i walked by. I went into a shop. He followed me in and said loudly "i just wanted to ask the time, and that woman completely ignored me. She is rude". He said it twice.

Then another man said something to me.

There were two black men in the shop (relevant because of what he said to me) . One of them said to the other man "say it to that woman!"

One of them turned to me and shouted "have you ever had chocolate without any sugar?".

I was a bit shaken and I said no. And they both laughed at me.

I walked out and walked on. I was enjoying my day before that. I just feel so bad now and i cant seem to shake the feeling off. i just want to be able to go for a walk without being shouted at by men

Yip.

I got murdered, twice, last week, just walking down the road minding my own business, and bam! dead!

Look it up, there are murders every week in the UK. It's a disgrace.

If have encountered many a tube nutter. They were mostly in London. There may or may not be a correlation between that and the lack of tube transport in tiny villages in e.g. Suffolk.

Also I live in London and after 10+ years statistically I am likely to have bumped into a quite few.

Don't waste energy arguing with these men's rights people OP. I'd like to repeat my advice on doing some strength/confidence building exercise or class. I don't get bothered as much now I'll confidently and loudly tell me to fuck off. Though no doubt being late 30s rather than 20s, a butch haircut, baggy clothes and big headphones helps too.

What do you think would work for you?

You were very unlucky and the men were cunts but this is not simply a London thing. In a town listed as very desirable in multiple newspapers in articles about where to move to I had a teenager on a bike shout that he wanted to shove his cock up my arse and I’ve been flashed at and burgled in Leeds. Conversely I’ve lived in London over a decade and only had one weird encounter on a night bus with a creepy man trying to talk to me. Just tell them to fuck off or ignore it. You do sound like you’re catastrophising a bit. (And no, im not blaming you, gross men are 100% the ones to blame). As a side note I have been asked directions in the street by several women and have asked people myself, that really isn’t weird or unusual

Oh god, tube nutters are the worst, especially late at night. I just uber everywhere past 10pm now, no matter how expensive, I’ve had too many bad incidents.

I’ve worked and socialised in London for over 20 years, but never lived there for more than short stretches of time. It is different - I grew up in an incredibly deprived town with a drug problem in South wales and I lived in Manchester for a few years - I never felt anywhere near as unsafe in either of those places as I do in London. The sheer amount of harassment I’ve received is insane and I’m far from being a young, beautiful women so it’s not that!

Wow, well that’s me told, powerful stuff.

you are the one who pretend they can't believe some of us live a normal life in London, unless we are ugly apparently 😂

I am so sorry for your loss.

It's a tough world out there 😂😂

Young men are more at risk from violent attack on the streets than young women, I think?

Agreed. The invisibility of middle age is such a blessing!

Not all men. But always men. I’ve started to hate men too as I’ve got older. I am married but if we were to part I’d never date again! I mean that.

it’s not just London and it is widespread. I live in a safe little town and the other evening on my way home I had to stop to charge my car in a large car park, other cars were charging but no one sitting in them. I’d taken a book and drink and planned to just sit and wait for my car to charge before heading home. As I was setting my car up I saw two old men walking across the car park and I knew instantly that they were coming to talk to me. I was hurrying to get in my car and lock the doors but my card was faffing and they reached me before I had set the charger up. They started looking at the pump next to mine and acting like they didn’t know what it was. They then started speaking to me and asking me questions about my car and had kind of trapped me in a space between my car and the charger. It was intimidating, no one was around, and I started to feel like an idiot for putting myself at risk. It’s not fair that women cannot run simple errands for themselves without fear.

i ended up sitting inside a nearby restaurant waiting for my car to charge and haven’t told my husband what happened as he’ll declare it’s something else that’s not safe for me to do and he’ll end up always taking the car to charge. I’m fed up with being told the world I inhabit is not safe for me because I was born with a vagina! I don’t know what, but something needs to change.

women don’t make men feel trapped in an outdoor space in a car park. Women don’t make comments as men innocently walk by. Women don’t change direction and follow men along the street making them feel frightened! Women don’t do it to men and they don’t do it to other women either. So yes, not all men, but always men.

This woman has a right to share her experience without being shamed for 'encouraging' anything.

that woman is trying to shame the rest of us by saying that if we are not harassed constantly it can only be because we are ugly, old and badly dressed 🙄

I never wrote the word "ugly".

You are the only person that has written that.

Stop lying.

Again, I never once wrote the word ugly. You wrote it.

I know!

There are some truly disgusting posters on this thread .

Hear hear.

Here's some evidence that it's best to avoid interacting with random men on the street.

If men don't like it, maybe they should have a word with arse hole men who ruin society for everyone. Instead of admonishing already vulnerable women.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cly9nvrd6j0o

Sorry you had this experience, OP - sounds horrible and I'm not surprised you were shaken. Women really do have to put up with all sorts of crap.

I have to disagree that it's especially a London thing though. I can see that it's different in village communities because word travels fast but there's no shortage of harassment, intimidation etc in towns and cities all across the UK.